Father's Day 2011

So, here's how it worked. Grant and I were up until after midnight trying to calm jitters and get everything he needed stuffed into his foot locker. I'm sure if someone had been spying on us, it would have looked like a scene straight out of a Three Stooges show. We had to squeeze a week's worth of clothing and camping gear into a box that was about 2' X 2' X 3'. Granted, he only took a few pairs of undies and even fewer shorts! In any event, it was quite an ordeal. Then, we had to figure out how to reconnect his Camelback bladder and discovered that every time you pushed on it, the valve opened and it looked like it was peeing. The wall in my bedroom looked like a toddler had whizzed all over it by the time we were finished "testing" it. I think Grant and I both ended up about wetting our pants laughing so hard. (Ok, ok, ok. I did wet mine. After three kids, if you laugh too long or too hard, it's all over. And, yes, the Depends are definitely on aisle 4)! Anyway, despite our silliness, Grant's nerves were shot. He finally fell asleep in my bed and I just left him there. When Annie got up at 7:00 this morning, he didn't have any other choice but to get up or risk having her land on his head since she utilizes my bed as a trampoline from 7:00 - 7:30 each morning while I try to get ready.

Grant had planned on video chatting with Eric at 9:00 this morning before he left but Eric was thinking on Central Time and Grant was thinking Eastern Time so there were some really dicey moments there until they finally made the connection. As they chatted and Eric tried to calm Grant's nerves, I finished getting ready and got the girls ready to go. That was all pretty uneventful. I even managed to pull off a "real" breakfast with eggs, grits, bacon, and "bang" biscuits as Annie called them because when you open the cardboard cylinder, they pop out with a "bang" sound. Dasha complained that my turkey bacon didn't taste like Daddy's real bacon with maple syrup and Grant didn't really want to eat at all but we managed to make it through. Just when I was getting cocky about my accomplishments of the morning, I heard it. The unmistakable sound of a child puking! There's no other sound like it in the world. To a mom, that one sound can change a complete day's activities! I went in search of the culprit and found Grant on the stairs with barf running down his chin (sounds like I just opened the envelope in a Clue game and read the answers - Miss Scarlet in the conservatory with the lead pipe). His nerves got the best of him. Then, he did the barf shuffle down the hall and into my bathroom to continue bowing down to the porcelain god. Why did he have to go to my bathroom? The girls' bathroom is at the top of the stairs within sight of his first puddle! Anyway, after doing clean up duty and trying to explain to Annie what had happened and what Grant was doing, we managed to start moving everything that needed to be loaded up toward the front door. (As a side note, Dasha told Annie that Grant pooped out of his mouth. I didn't bother to correct her but the look on Annie's face was priceless)! So, to move the story along, we unloaded the stroller and other baby paraphernalia from the back of the van and reloaded the camp items including a fishing pole with a rogue hook - ouch! When I had the girls in the van and securely tied down, oops, I mean gently strapped into their seats, I turned to see Grant at the door in tears. At this point, I wanted to scream out, "Put you big girl panties on and let's go!" But, thank goodness, the urge to spew negativity passed quickly. As usual, his answer to my question of, "What's wrong?" is always followed with, "Nothing!" Duh! You're standing on the front porch crying and nothing is wrong. Hmmmm.... Well, if that means nothing is wrong, then there's been nothing wrong with me for quite some time now! :) He finally said that he'd forgotten to tell Daddy Happy Father's Day and felt like he'd disappointed him in a situation concerning a pocket knife he lost. I told him to text Daddy Happy Father's Day but I don't know if he ever did. And this is the funk that surrounded the air in the van all the way to camp. I really never got to have a conversation with him about being away from home and getting homesick and all of those other things I wanted to tell him like I'd be praying for him each night and that this is his time to shine. Blah! I let all of the other little details (I think of them as piss ants) get in the way of helping smooth the way for Grant. My prayer tonight is that God will wrap him in His arms and comfort him as only He can do. He's never been away from home for more than a couple of nights and that's always been with my parents. I know he'll be just fine. He's in the hands of very Godly and caring men who will look out for him but.... It's not me (or Eric or my parents).

Now, I get to go upstairs and face just the opposite situation. Dasha starts her week at day camp tomorrow. It's Camp Hollywood and they have a different theme each day. Tomorrow is Toy Story. This is a special needs camp so I don't have to worry that she'll be left out or made fun of. However, she's so excited that she probably won't sleep. Last night, it was Grant's anxiety insomnia and tonight it's Dasha's excited insomnia. Tomorrow night will be my exhaustion insomnia!

As the day draws to a close, I've realize that I've really guarded my heart today. I know my dad suffered because of it. There was no fanfare for him today for Father's Day. That's not fair. He has done so much for us. You'll never meet a more generous, hard working, teddy bear. He still believes that Grant can walk on water and does anything in his powers to help him do it! Considering that his stroke was less than a year ago, it's miraculous how much he's doing! Today, he went went us to drop Grant off. When the troop started to line up and march toward their site, Dad conveniently had to go and get Annie a cup of water to avoid letting the other parents see the tears that welled up in his eyes as Grant got teary eyed but tried to keep his lip from quivering. The man is made of steel on the outside but nothing but mushy goo on the inside. As I said, I hate that there wasn't the usual fireworks and pomp for him today but it was a tough day for us all.

As for Father's Day and Eric, I don't have too many words to wrap around that right now. He was absolutely the best dad in the world for our kids. He knew how to push them just beyond their comfort zones to help them grow but they all knew and trusted him to be standing there to catch them when they stumbled. He always pushed them to do the right thing even when it wasn't easy or popular and he always walked the walk just and didn't just talk the talk. I'll never forget the afternoon he took Grant out back to talk to him about the birds and the bees. Grant was only in the 2nd grade but some kids at school had been talking smack and we felt strongly about helping him have some foundational understanding so he could filter what the kids at school were saying. I expected that Grant would be mortified. He wasn't. I peeked at them from our bedroom window upstairs as they talked, waiting for Grant to jump out of his shoes and run screaming from the porch but he never did. That foundation that was laid that day still gives us strength as we have to talk about all of the other smack the kids talk about at school. How would we have ever answered the question, "Mom, what is a douche bag?" if that solid foundation hadn't been laid earlier? Eric was always the hands-on dad. Yes, he traveled quite a bit but when he was home, he could run the house and manage the kids better than I ever could. I swear he could have the house cleaned top to bottom, have a gourmet meal on the table, and have the kids' homework finished and still not be addled. Dads are just different than moms. I keep using past tense verbs as I reminisce about his role as a father. No, I know that he's still their dad and will be forever their dad but his role has changed now. We all mourn that loss on a daily basis. When he was on full-time duty, he was the best dad that there ever was. I see him in the kids everyday. He laid down foundations for all of them in a way that moms just can't do. Now, as I try to add to that foundation, I find myself trying to squeeze round pegs into square holes constantly. I can't ever fill his shoes - nor could anyone else.

I didn't mean to go into that rant. I honestly started this post with one word and planned on leaving it at that. The word was #$%^. I think that about sums it up. Maybe I should have left it at that. That's what I seem to be knee deep in right now!

I also added the transcript of the Focus on the Family broadcast from their archive. I absolutely love their ministry. They practice living in the real world and doing their best to help real people practice their faith while living in that world and successfully relating to the others who live there too! (See earlier post from today).