Oh, the wonder of it all...

This time of the year always manages to get uncontrollably hectic no matter how many times I promise myself that we're going to keep it "simple." The chaos manages to sap the true meaning out of the Season and before I know it, I'm pulling the decorations down (mumbling and thinking nasty thoughts about the folks who engineer fake pre-lit Christmas trees). My thoughts go from thinking about how scared Mary must have been while wondering around Bethlehem looking for some inn which "left the light on" for her to tallying the dollars spent on things that ultimately didn't matter at all but sapped my resources! So, this year, I really haven't set too many expectations as far as decorating or even sending out cards! When Dasha made her yearly comment about our house being the only one on the street without lights outside, I didn't even flinch! I have no need to stand in the holly bushes trying to get those blasted light nets spread evenly and poke myself repeatedly! What gain comes from it? Nothing in the long run other than making Dasha happy and there are PLENTY of other ways that I can do that! As I tear myself away from that run away train of thought and get back to the point, I can tell you that this year, things will be SIMPLE! This will be the year that we focus on what's really important!

I've been much more sensitive to those things that really matter this year and here's what I have so far...

1) Taking a group of over 150 3rd graders to the Fox Theater to see The Nutcracker. As many of the boys started commenting on the "parts and pieces" that some of the men dancers had.... OK, I'm not even going to go there! You get my drift! Men in tights is not a good thing for bored 8 years olds to have to focus their attention on for any length of time! However, just as the kids were growing restless and I wondered if we were going to make it out alive, I looked over and one of the students was staring at the ceiling of the theater and completely in awe. She simply looked over and said, "This is incredible! Thank you for bringing me here." Wow! Who knew that something so simple spoken from an 8 year old could have such a profound effect. She was truly thankful. There aren't many times that my own kids show that kind of gratefulness! Then, I looked down the row over a few more kids who were squirming in their seats to see a couple of students cuddled up together and asleep. Sometimes, it's so easy to forget that these big responsible third graders are still babies! To see those two cuddled up together really did make the bus ride and squirmy students worth the trip! These children I teach every day are someone's babies. They jump into mom and dad's bed when they're scared and many of them still cuddle up with blankies or special toys at night! They aren't just soldiers who must meet the goals and pass the CRCT in order to clear my name for another year! They are precious little ones just as Annie, Grant, and Dasha are.

2) Each year, we read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever in class. If you've never read the book, you MUST find a copy and read it! The story tells of a rag-tag bunch of hoodlums who take over a very conservative Christmas Pageant. Throughout the book, the Christmas story is told. Although the lingo is definitely King James Version style and needs some translations, the hoodlums help the stiff and complacent church goers see the Christmas story in a new light! I'm always amazed at how much of the story my kids know! At one point in the story, they have a discussion about what would have happened if the Wise Men had reported back to Herod instead of going home a different way. Have you ever thought about that? It's a thought that doesn't cross my mind until I read this story and am reminded about the complete plan that was formed long before any of us were here to interfere! (I also have to note that when we were previewing the story and I told the kids that the pageant was based on the Christmas Story, some thought I was talking about Ralphie who gets his eye shot out with the Red Rider BB gun)!

3) Probably my best reminder of all so far came from one of our students who moved to the US from Columbia a few months ago. One of her teachers gave her a huge peppermint stick as a gift and she literally jumped up and kissed him on the cheek! She kept saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank you," in her broken English. By this point, the teacher was just about in tears! The little girl then went on to ask, "What is it?" She didn't even know what the gift was. She just knew that she was very appreciative!

There are so many times when I think about the Christmas Story and think about how miraculous and wonderful the baby Jesus' birth was. However, I think about it as if it was simply a daydream. I don't think about how uncomfortable Mary must have been riding on that blasted donkey all of the way to Bethlehem! (If we think we complain about tax day now, imagine how much Mary must have hated trudging all the way to Bethlehem to take care of their taxes on a donkey being nine months pregnant)! Shoot, I complained about walking to the mailbox when I was nine months pregnant! Then, as her labor pains hit, she was probably thinking about where in the world she was going to stay. She had to have been terrified! I knew exactly where I was going to labor and give birth and I was still nervous about the whole situation! Mary was a real woman having a real baby! She wasn't just a beautiful girl painted in a picture riding a donkey side-saddle into town! (Hopefully, Mary had a bit more class than I do. If Eric had tried to make me ride a donkey and then give birth in a barn, I don't think I would have been too kind about the situation and I'm not sure that he would have survived the birth)! But, we're never told of Mary's disposition so I have to assume that she truly knew that what was to come would change the world. So, there she and Joseph were - in a barn. Yes, the nice word is stable but let's face it, she gave birth in a barn! There were animals in that barn! She couldn't lay little Jesus down on the ground! He might have been stepped on or even worse. I can just imagine that the barn was not the most sanitary of accommodations! So, she place him in the feed trough! This was how our Savior was brought into this world. It wasn't grand or glorious in sight. We all know that the event of the birth was a glorious thing but the logistical realities of the situation were nothing to behold!

These are the thoughts that are helping me keep it simple this year. No frills and no fluff - just like that first Christmas. (I won't make my kids sleep in the barn, though, even though they act like they've been raised in one)! So, as my list of silly happenings which help me remember the real reason of Christmas grows, I will withstand the urge to put the rest of the lights outside and rush around trying to get teacher gifts bought and wrapped. The only urgency this year is to stay centered and focused on being grateful for what we have and for the One who has allowed us to have it!

Side note: I'm wondering if Scrooge started off on the right foot and was just trying to avoid the chaos but took it too far! If a ghost named Marley wakes me up, I promise that I'll go out and put the lights up outside!

Remote control

After a very rough week full of drama and trials, I was pondering what life would be like if we all had remote controls to deal with daily trials and joys. Here are just a few times I would have used that remote this week.

~Looking in the rear view mirror to see the girls holding hands and "singing" Jingle Bells - rewind / replay

~Arriving at Grandma's house to see Grant driving Papa's truck around the block (with Papa's guidance from the passenger seat) - pause (and mute to keep my comments from spilling from my mouth)

~Trying to figure out how to clean a toddler's favorite blankets (and all of her bedding) at 10:00 at night after she got sick on them - fast forward

~Having Grant run to get a washcloth to wipe vomit off of his baby sister - rewind / replay (if I could have the video edited so I wouldn't have to see the spewage)

~Watching Annie wipe tears from Grant's cheeks with her tiny little fingers after a very rough night - rewind / replay (Grant was too worried about her trying to poke his eyes out to see the beauty of the moment).

~Having to wake Annie up to make a WalMart run with all three kids at 8:00 for something silly that I'd forgotten to pick up - fast forward (Once again, the mute button will need to be activated)!

~Watching Dasha fall into a display of gift bags and knock the whole display to the ground in WalMart during the night run - double fast forward (She was fine but embarrassed and frustrated with herself. I was....)

~Realizing that Annie had managed to have a diaper blowout during the SAME WalMart trip (which was only supposed to take 10 minutes) and not having a diaper or wipes - fast forward

~I think the easier thing to do would be admit that I'd just like to use the DELETE button on the remote for the whole WalMart trip!!!

~Listening to my third graders discuss the names of the three Wise Men and what each one offered to the baby Jesus - rewind / replay

~Watching my students stand up for one of their classmates as if they were one big family - pause (This is why I teach 3rd grade. Peer pressure hasn't seeped into their systems too much yet but they still have a very strong understanding of what is right and wrong)!

~Seeing the look on Dasha's face and hearing her literally scream in the middle of the store when I told her that she could purchase a "fancy" dress that she'd been looking at to wear to the Daddy Daughter Dance - rewind / replay

~Watching one of my students bring his elf to school and placing it in a little bed he made for it out of a tin box and cotton balls and warning me that the elf might try to make a mess in the room - pause (Why can't they stay this age forever)?

~Listening to the girls bicker in the backseat. Dasha told Annie that the animal in her Night Before Christmas book was a reindeer. Annie quickly called it a horse. Dasha tried to reason with her and told her AGAIN that it was a reindeer. Annie promptly points out the window and screams, "NO rain!" This same conversation continued from Town Center to Towne Lake Parkway!!! - fast forward but save for a day when I'd like to look back and laugh

~Trying to help a child do factor trees, LCM, GCF, and prime factorizations when she doesn't even know her multiplication facts - fast forward (triple speed, please)

~Watching all three kids sit at the table and color (on paper - not walls or cupboards) and sing Christmas songs together - rewind / replay (especially next time they are all trying to kill each other)

~Peeking in Dasha's room to see both girls playing with a tiny Nativity set and Dasha trying to explain to Annie why she needs to be careful with the baby Jesus! - rewind / replay

~Watching Eric try to patch the wiring in the Christmas tree that the cat chewed through last year - rewind and replay if he isn't watching :) He still doesn't find it too funny and he wishes that the cat's ninth life would have been snuffed out when she chewed through that last wire - Lampoon Christmas Vacation style!

~Watching Annie throw the baby Jesus under the bed and then laugh hysterically, "Frow Esus!" Dasha would like to fast forward that moment because she felt that Annie was being nothing short of sacrilegious but I was to sneak away from the door before I wet my pants laughing! - rewind / replay

~Walking through the undies section of the store with Dasha and having her stop and actually touch a bra that was, well, H U G E! She touched the bra and simply said, "Wow!" - rewind and save for a day when I really need a good laugh

~Knowing that I'm going to rid the house of pacis in two weeks - fast forward (She only uses them at night but she REALLY likes them and will do absolutely ANYTHING for a paci)!

~Looking at my TO DO list for Christmas and realizing that I only have 20 days left - fast forward

~Seeing the excitement in the eyes of all three children at this special Season - pause (I don't ever want that to end)!

Bottom line, it's been a VERY long week, however, I have so many moments that make me realize how very blessed I really am! So, whether Annie and Dasha are arguing over reindeer or Papa and Grant are breaking too many laws to count (um, 10 year olds driving?), there are enough rewind and replay moments to keep me moving forward!

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale...

I've written three different blog entries over the last week but ended up deleting them all. For some reason, words just aren't appropriate to even begin to wrap around this current "season" in my life. As I continue in this holding pattern, I'm waiting. Waiting for answers. Waiting for the right timing. Waiting for the next monster to pop out of door number three! This must have been what the Disciples felt like as Jesus slept through the raging storm and then simply commanded the seas to calm (Mark 4:35-40). I have to remember that my Father could simply bring this seeming chaos to a complete halt with one word if He thought that best. Obviously, I'm going to keep clinging to the ship (as long as He is still inside) and ride out the waves. Hopefully, I can wrap more words around this crazy life of mine in the near future. But, for now, just know that the Randolph family is being tossed around in the sea and waiting for the storm to calm. (As I close, I keep thinking I hear the words from the Gilligan's Island theme song somewhere in the background... "The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost. So, this is a tale of our castaways, they're here for a long long time. They'll have to make the best of things, it's an uphill climb!"

Aim for the Crumple Zones

Over 20 years ago, my dad bought me my first car. I've honestly forgotten the model of the car other than it was an Oldsmobile. We called it the Brown Bomber. It was bigger than a Sherman tank and had once been a diesel but my dad thought it was best to convert it to a rolling bomb shelter that sucked gas. (On a very inappropriate note, we also called it the Rolling Terd due to the very unique brown color that the car was painted). All of the guys thought the car was awesome due to it's power and speed. All of the girls just saw it as a mode of transportation that wasn't a school bus and allowed us some extra freedom.

I drove the Brown Bomber for several years. It saw me through high school and my first few years of college. At one point, though, I put the Bomber's strength to the test. On my way to work one morning, I hit a patch of ice on a side road and did several 360s before hitting a telephone pole and winding up in a ditch. I wasn't hurt at all and the only scratch the Bomber sustained was the rear bumper. I'll never forget flagging down a Georgia Power truck traveling down that road to ask for help. They had a wench on the front of their truck and were able to pull me out and I was able to drive back home. When dad finally got home to see the damage I'd done to his beautiful car, he was amazed that the car had sustained minimal injuries. However, after he examined the underneath side of the bumper, he was shocked. He explained that there are crumple zones under the bumper that are designed to take impact and collapse and spare the cabin of the vehicle from some of the force. He'd never seen anyone collapse all of the zones. Although the rest of the car (and even the bumper) looked fine, upon closer inspection, he knew that the rear bumper supports would have to be replaced in order to keep me safe in the event I tried to go ice skating in the Bomber again.

Throughout the process of getting the car fixed, I learned that all cars have several different crumple zones. Cars are designed to be crashed and keep the occupants safe. Crumple zones are like armies that stand ready to protect you from any intruder. However, there are spots in the car which don't have excessive crumple zones and I was told that if I ever got myself into a situation where I knew I was about to be hit by another car, I should try to position my car to receive the direct impact in a known crumple zone. (Yeah, this is kind of like your mom asking if you have on clean underwear just in case you get into an accident. I don't think my immediate response to a car traveling directly at me is going to be, "Hmmm... let me pull around to the left a little so this oncoming bullet car can strike me right on the front tire). Bottom line, cars are meant to take impacts and protect their occupants.

Over the last several years, I feel like I've developed my own personal crumple zones. I've learned to deal with the difficulties of raising a special needs child and instead of letting those difficulties take a direct hit on my heart, I make sure everything is directed at a crumple zone. When something goes wrong at work, I know to take the direct hit in a crumple zone and then move on. When dealing with being a single mom while Eric is in Texas, I've learned to let the frustrations and hurts hit the crumple zones so I can take the least amount of impact possible. I've really gotten very good at making sure to take the majority of the blows in life in a crumple zone. This way, my heart is protected and my "normal" life can continue.

However, there are some accidents that you don't see coming and you just can't reposition yourself quick enough to let your crumple zone take the impact. September 22 was one of those days. It was the day before my birthday. My parents had given me a gift certificate to a jewelry store that carries my favorite line of pendants (old fashioned keys). Although Eric was home, he was trying desperately to get some work done so I'd taken the kids to mom and dad's house to stay for a few minutes so I could go pick up my new pendant from the jewelry store. When I left, dad was in the backyard swinging Annie. Grant was with them. Mom and Dasha were in the house. I ran across the street to the jewelry store and picked up my pendant. The job went so quickly that I decided to walk into the Bath and Body Work store next door and look around. My phone rang about the time I started looking at the new fall soaps. Grant was on the other end and simply asked where I was and said that Papa wasn't feeling too good and that I didn't need to stay gone too long. I hung the phone up and started to wrap up my outing when my phone rang again. This time, Grant sounded panicked and asked me to come back immediately. Grant never panics. (This is the same child that turned off Ansley's alarms when she passed away as if there wasn't anything wrong and then proceeded to go about his normal business). Needless to say, I ran out of the store and forced the poor van to go much faster than it's used to. I was back to the house within 3 or 4 minutes. When I walked into the door, I'd already prepared myself for what I'd see based on Grant's description. He had told me that dad couldn't move his left arm or hand and his face was droopy and he couldn't talk good. Grant had been with dad when dad suddenly realized something was wrong and tried to get Annie out of the swing but couldn't use his left hand and then couldn't speak clearly to tell Grant what he needed. Grant went on to tell me that he remembered reading about symptoms like that in his Boy Scout manual and he thought he needed to dial 911. Drama and details aside, when I reached the living room, dad was sitting in his recliner crying (I've never see him really cry before) and mom was sitting at his feet asking if he wanted her to call 911. At this point, I really don't remember too much other than calling 911 and Grant taking both girls upstairs and sequestering them until the paramedics left. (He'd also called my sister in Tampa and when he couldn't reach her, he called her husband and told him to let her know that she needed to come home).

These are the kind of days that crumple zones don't protect you from. I still can't spend too much energy thinking about the next hours and days that followed. There is absolutely nothing in this world that can protect you from watching someone who you've always seen as invincible become helpless. Images from those first few hours will forever be burned into my memory.

Dad was in the emergency room within 45 minutes of the first symptoms of his stroke. The trauma staff administered a clot busting drug called TPA that can only be given to victims within a very small window of time after the onset of a stroke. Then, Dad was admitted to the Neuro ICU area. After spending two days in the unit, they moved him to the rehabilitation area. He spent less than 24 hours there. The nurses realized quickly that their best bet was to let him go home before he started enlisting the other patients for an uprising. (He'd told the ICU nurses on Thursday afternoon that he WOULD be home for the Florida football game on Saturday). And, sure enough, they dismissed him around lunch time on Saturday so he could get home to his own recliner and big screen TV to watch the game.

Although Dad is still weak, his speak is understandable and his left arm and hand are quickly gaining strength. He is on the path to a full recovery. He's doing some occupational therapy to help him with his hand strength and he's doing some speech therapy to help strengthen the muscles around his mouth that now are a bit droopy and cause his speech to slightly slur.

The impact that Dad's stroke had on me completely missed every crumple zone I've developed and really shook me to my core. While I think many girls see their dads as invincible super heroes, I've learned to slow down and be thankful that my Dad is still here to tell Grant inappropriate jokes and be part of his Scout activities. He can still swing Annie and eat all of the pretend weird creations she cooks for him. And, he can still be the voice of reason for Dasha. There are some moments when Dad is the only person who can get past her crumple zones and go in for a direct hit!

Some days, I feel a bit guilty being able to remove myself emotionally from many situations which would send others into turmoil. In fact, this drives my husband nuts! Routinely, he tells me that I don't excited over things! I just make sure all of the arrows that life throws at me are direct hits in my crumple zones. Other times, I see my ability to remove myself as quite a gift. While others are getting their panties into knots over silly things, I can keep myself focused and continue on with my duties. (OK - if I'm wearing the old Hanes Her Way stuff, yeah, they do get into knots sometimes).

Bottom line, I've learned several things over the last couple of weeks. First, Grant is an amazing child. While having the innocence of a 10 year old, he can bear the burdens that many adults can't handle. Many times, I worry that he has too much responsibility with Dasha and Annie in the house. However, after watching him handle the situation with Dad, I know that the Path that has been set aside for Grant is filled with wonderful things that we are lucky enough to help prepare him for. Second, although I know Dad technically isn't a Super Hero, I will address him as such from now on so that he knows how much he's loved. Finally, I've seen several posters that tout, "Everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarten." I think I'm going to print my own poster of the Brown Bomber and then find an engineer from Oldsmobile to highlight the crumple zones. I'll title the poster, "Aim for the crumple zones!" (As a side note, Eric's dad drove the Brown Bomber until just a few years ago when he had to stop driving. If he was still on the road, I'd be willing to bet that he'd be piloting the Rolling Terd)!

Privacy? Definition, please!

I don't think there has ever been a mom that hasn't had one of those moments when all they dream about is going to the bathroom unaccompanied. No little fingers poking under the door. No little voices asking, "What 'cha doing?" No children screaming at each other the moment you close the door. (Yeah, let's get real. There aren't any closed doors)! No sounds of things crashing (which usually results in a less than pretty sight of mom streaking from the bathroom to find out who's dead). And definitely no toddlers trying to "help" you! For those of you who don't have kids, believe me, I know this sounds ridiculous but there are some days, when a visit to the potty alone would be a dream come true!

Today is one of those days in my world. All I wanted was a simple visit to the bathroom for less than two minutes without someone helping with the toilet paper or ransacking the cabinets and pulling out all sorts of unmentionables. (No, Annie, they are NOT stickers! No, Annie. Stop, Annie. Don't stick that there, Annie)! So, I decided to go against every grain of common sense I have and decided to use the baby gate to "lock" Annie and Dasha in Dasha's room so I could have my own dreamy visit to the bathroom ALONE!

As I entered the bathroom, it was quiet and dark and I could hear the girls talking over the monitor. Dasha was folding clothes and telling Annie what each article was. "Shirt, socks, bra, panties, pants..." If you know Dasha, you'll know that she doesn't see any problem in teaching Annie the proper terms for each piece of clothing despite the fact that Annie may yell out the term at the most inopportune time. ("Mama, mama, mama! Look! Bra!") I can hear her saying that now in the middle of the church sanctuary! And, just let me say, if you are laughing at this plausible happening, you've never met Annie! Anyway, the banter between the girls continued and I began to relax and think I'd stumbled onto a great new way to buy myself a couple of minutes of peace and quiet. In fact, when I'd finished in the bathroom, I actually decided to wipe the mirror and counter off! I was feeling like a complete rock star! A bathroom to myself. Girls playing nicely together. But, I came back to reality and decided to go retrieve Annie before my ingenious plan went sour and caused me to have another round of why-did-I-think-that-was-a-good-idea-itis!

When I rounded the corner into Dasha's room, Annie was wearing Dasha's bra, panties, and socks. I didn't have my camera handy as the scene unfolded but you can see from the picture that Annie was none too happy about having to give up her newly acquired garments! (She was still wearing Dasha's socks, though, and went to bed with them on)!

There are two morals to this story. 1 - If you leave Dasha "in charge," be ready for anything! 2- Forget having any private potty time until your children leave home!

4E8D9B8A-3449-7590-1F2D-2271B9923D13

1.02.28

Puzzle pieces and wise choices

If you know me very well, you know that I love to put things together. I love the thought of systematically taking lots of seemingly random pieces and making them into one big work of art. From furniture to puzzles, I love the challenge of turning all of those gazillion parts into something useful. Ok, I know puzzles aren't very useful but you get the picture.

I'm beginning to realize that my kids are each like a box full of pieces that have to be carefully assembled to reach the finished product. However, sometimes, it's like I'm assembling a one thousand piece puzzle and I never bother to look at the picture on the box to see what the finished product should look like! I just keep randomly jamming pieces together and if they fit, great, if not, I throw that piece back into the pile and try another one without a good plan of action! For anyone who has ever assembled a real puzzle before, you know that you always start with the edges first. Once you have the outline done, then you choose one area at a time to work on until you get to the finished product. Sometimes a puzzle takes a few minutes, some a few hours, and honestly, some, I never finish but I always have a plan of where to start and what to do next.

I'm finding out that each of my kids is like a different puzzle. Each child's "box" has a very different picture of what the finished product should look like. I have to admit that many times, for the sake of sanity, I try to use the same picture for all three kids and those are the days when I end up wanting to close my head in the freezer and take a Mulligan!

The other very trying part of this whole puzzle is that sometimes the picture on the outside of the box changes. Right now, Annie's box shows that the finished product is a obedient toddler with some semblance of manners. (Without my glasses on, I swear that picture looks more like one of the monsters from Monsters Inc., though)! Grant's box shows a pre-teen who understands the "whys" behind his choices as a child of God and functions as "salt of the Earth" in the real world despite what his peers choose. Then, there's Dasha's box. Sometimes, I think Dasha's box holds one of those 3-D puzzles that I've never been able to put together completely! Or even closer to the truth, one of those double sided puzzles where each piece has two sides and you have to figure out which side corresponds to the picture you're working on! Nonetheless, each child has a different box and has to be assembled quite differently.

When you first find out that you're pregnant, you start buying books that tell you about all of the "puzzle pieces" that you're going to have to deal with. (Although, I never saw too many chapters on how to get Rice Krispies from the buckle of a car seat or Hot Wheels cars out of the toilet). After reading tons of parenting books before Grant was born about these "pieces", I just assumed that the information in those books could be trickled down over all of the other siblings who would enter the house. Ha! The books such as Baby Wise that I read and used to guide Grant's early years have simply made great bookends as Annie has made her way through the house! There is only one book that seems to cover every one of the puzzles that we've been given as gifts - the Bible.

Within that great book which shows the best way to fit all of the pieces together, the verse that continually comes to mind is Proverbs 13:20. He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. I have to be wise. That's so darn hard sometimes! However, I can tell you from experience, that kids act like their parents! I think the most common phrases uttered in the halls of schools are, "That apple didn't fall far from the tree," and in extreme cases, "That gene pool needs some Clorox!" Your children are a direct reflection of you - like it or not! The best barometer of my actions is the actions of my own kids! That's scary business! I hate to admit it but I have a real potty mouth when the going gets tough. I make a conscious effort in times of trial such as slamming my hand in the van's sliding door or dumping my coveted Coke Zero in the perfect Chick-fil-A cup into the floor board of the van to NOT let those words slither from my mouth. However, I admit that sometimes, I fail! When Dasha accidentally threw the Wii remote into the fireplace a few months ago and uttered a choice word, Grant quickly told her that she couldn't say that word. She quickly reminded him that Mom says that word. (The whole time, I was standing in the kitchen listening the my stomach churn at the conversation)! At that point, dear Grant simply said, "Well, she made a mistake but you're still not supposed to say it!" I felt like I was about three inches tall! However, Dasha was simply doing what Mom did. I had NOT been wise in controlling my tongue and she had followed suit!

What do puzzle boxes and potty mouths have to do with each other? I have to daily seek out what the picture on each child's puzzle box looks like and I have to set the example in order for my kids' pieces to finally match the finished product on the box! I have a LONG way to go in my pursuit of being "wise" in order to lead my children. It is a daily battle. However, if I continue being a fool, guess what my kids will be? There are already too many fools running around this planet! I need to work hard to seek and discover what the finished puzzle for each of my kids should look like and be a wise role model for them! Geez! It sounds so easy, doesn't it! Well, I'll see how easy it is the next time Dasha leaves a Polly Pocket in the floor and I step on it in the middle of the night only to trip and smash my toe against on of Grant's Lego creations!

Deuteronomy 6:6-8 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

Note to self - this verse does NOT give permission to tie the children up in the name of learning to walk with God! Nor does it give permission to reenact that bank commercial where they staple bar codes to the customers' heads and staple commandments to the children's little noggins!

(You forget - it's summer vacation and I'm trapped ALONE with all 3 children. I have to remind myself of even the smallest things)!

The Journey: A personal jounal entry

Last weekend, I had to drop Eric off at the airport. As we passed through downtown Atlanta, we saw that the traffic heading north bound was nearly stopped. Eric gave me some tips on how to get back to Woodstock and miss the traffic and I thought I'd remembered his directions. However, on my way back home, I realized I'd missed a turn somewhere. I pulled out my faithful GPS, plugged it in, and waited for that sexy Australian voice to say, "Pull a u-ey and let's head in the other direction!" I even programmed the magic box to avoid the 75/85 area. Ha. After making the same loop three times, I realized that two things had happened. One, the box couldn't figure out how to get me around the 75/85 area and two, all of the road construction in the area was wreaking havoc with the satellite. Dasha continued to roar with laughter from the back seat as my GPS "mate" kept yelling, "Please return to a paved road as soon as possible!" At one point, children's voices actually came from the box in sing-song style saying, "Look around!" (I'm not kidding! This was almost my undoing coupled with Annie screaming with hunger pains)! Bottom line, my GPS wasn't getting me the answers I needed in a timely manner. It's really hard to blindly follow a silly computerized box's directions when they go against your own common sense. However, on the fourth lap, I finally followed the box's directions and found myself headed toward the Atlantic Station area. I knew if I could find that yellow and blue building which calls to me through the night (IKEA), I'd be able to navigate home. Sure enough, I reprogrammed the GPS for IKEA and magically made it across 75/85 and away from the traffic. We won't begin to tally the time it took to do laps around Peachtree vs. the time I would have actually spent sitting in traffic. However, I did manage to get to IKEA, pull the girls out of the van, feed them, bathroom them, and, of course, do a bit of impromptu shopping.

What's my point? No, my point is not to remind everyone how bad I am with directions. My point is that we all have some type of map guiding us. Last weekend, I'd chosen to use my Tom-Tom friend as my map. Others chose to use an old-fashioned paper map with coffee stains which look like exit ramps. But, beyond navigating through Atlanta or any other city, we all have some sort of map that guides us through life. Sometimes, we may think those maps are invalid, out dated, or plain old ridiculous. However, most of those maps have stood the test of time and if followed with persistence and patience, you'll get where you want to go.

Ok, ok, I know I'm rambling. Without hesitation, I can tell you that the Bible is my map for this journey through life which seems to be filled with traffic jams, detours, and sometimes road closures. Lately, I've questioned my "map" more than once. I know some people would find it almost sacrilegious to acknowledge that I've questioned my very foundations over the last few months due to multiple road closures, speed bumps, and detours! However, I think it's only human to question. We all have free will and make our own choices. Hopefully, those choices are based on a plan you've made using your "map" to get to your final destination. But, when things don't go like we think they're supposed to, we begin to question and try to reprogram (or shout ugly things) at the map. That's just not how it works. We're lucky enough to have a map that has withstood thousands of years of road blocks and other construction woes. (Can you imagine the things Tom-Tom would have shouted at Noah as the flood washed out roads)? In a book by Andy Stanley, he says over and over again, "Direction, not your intention determines your destination." Just like Saturday morning, I intended to get around 75/85 but didn't plan out good directions. My intent was there but I didn't have clear direction to get to my destination - home.

As most of you know, Eric is making plans to move back to Atlanta. This is bitter-sweet. As I thought about the move initially, I thought more about intent and not direction and destination. However, he was thinking about direction and destination. Now, we're left with a sticky situation where communication is equivalent to the sound of the cable channel after it's gone off the air at midnight. We're going to have to work hard to look at the map and get our directions straight and make sure we both have the same intent. Over the last six months, I've learned that I communicate about as clearly as Tom-Tom does. I shout orders and assume that everyone around me is following them. I don't give reasons about avoiding certain areas or provide any real communication. When things go bad, I simply resort to screaming, "You are not on a paved road! Please get back on the paved road as soon as possible!" However, it's not just directions through Atlanta that are getting garbled. It's people's lives! Here's my heart's desire right now, to let my map guide me and keep my communication lines clear and open. So, if my next post reads, "Whoa, matey. Please pull to the right and wait for the emergency vehicles to assist you," you know I've blown it! However, my destination is clear - to have a renewed relationship with clear communication and I have a very good map to lead me! I just have to keep in mind that no matter how well intended I am, I need to have a good plan and stick to it in order to put all of the pieces back together again!

And while we're on the subject, stopping to ask for directions is never a bad idea, either! There are too many others who have walked the journey ahead of us and know which turns to take and which ones to avoid!

Grant the Gentle Giant

Grant. I don't even know where to begin! Since the day this boy was born, he has been an old soul. Grant keeps me sane and laughing all at the same time. It it so much fun to watch as his personality blooms more and more and he becomes a young man.

Grant has been through so much in his 10 years of life. He can tell you sad memories like turning off Ansley's alarms as she passed away when he was three. He can tell you about learning to live with Dasha and all of her antics. He can tell you plenty of stories about living with me and Eric! (Those are the really juicy ones). And above this, will remind you to pray over your meal and be thankful for what you have.

Since Eric has been in Texas, Grant has taken on the role of Man of the House! He takes this job very seriously. More than once, he has informed me that he was going to call Daddy and tattle on something that I did (like turning on the air conditioning too early or buying paint to paint the bathroom or leaving lights on). But beyond that, he watches Annie for me to have a cat nap in the afternoons or get dinner done. On a few occasions, he's even cooked dinner. He can do laundry better than me, load and unload the dishwasher in less than 15 minutes, and even mow the grass. But beyond all of the menial chores that he's learned to do, he still has his own signature sense of humor.

My inspiration for this post came last night as I was trying to add some new music to my iPod. He kept complaining about my boring music and I told him I'd add some more spicy tunes. I ran across the song "I'm too Sexy" and he started rolling in the floor laughing! (OK - most 10 year olds don't know the word s-e-x-y but poor Grant has been exposed to... well... have you met his father? - no more explanation necessary)! Anyway, as he started strutting around in his undies, he was singing, "I'm too sexy for my undies..." I couldn't help but laugh. I know it's one of those moments that many parenting books probably have chapters about not encouraging language such as that or even running around in undies but - heck - I gave up on those parenting books. I'm convinced that the people who write them don't have REAL kids. I think I'm going to try writing a parenting book one of these days. Anyway, Grant just knows how to have fun.

After the song fest was over, I sent him on to bed. However, when I got upstairs, he was crying about today's CRCT math section. Although he made an almost perfect score in math the last couple of years, he was concerned that he'd do poorly. The gentle giant who was just screeching, "I'm too sexy..." was now back to Mr. Responsible and worrying about his grades. At that point, I called him into my room and he cuddled up with his blankets (yes, he still has 2 blankets and a stuffed dog) and fell asleep. It was as I watched him sleep (ok - snoring like an 80 year old man with a breathing disorder) that I realized just what a treasure he is.

He can carry Annie around and love on her with the utmost care and help lead Dasha through stores and up stairs and then crash just like he did when he was five. I'm not sure that I like him growing up but he is truly becoming a young man. He knows who he is and what he believes in. He has a vicious understanding of being fair and just but still loves to be silly. I just feel so blessed to have him.

I know that my thoughts are rambling and I guess I wrote this post more for myself than anyone else. I just love that boy! Some woman is going to get very lucky one day! He's going to make an incredible husband and father. And, I already have him trained how to pee IN the toilet and put the lid down, do laundry, change diapers, and finish the dishes. Love you Grant!

Oh, by the way, as he left my class room this morning to head to the 4th grade hallway, he stopped and struck a pose and proclaimed, "I'm too sexy for my mom" and swaggered off down the hall. I was laughing on the outside but there was a little piece of me that wanted to cry when I realized how grown up he's becoming.

As for the parenting book, my first chapter would be, "Be a parent, not a friend" and the second chapter would be, "Have fun!" Maybe I really will write a book one day and tell other parents how to screw up their kids! That would be such fun! If all of the other kids were screwed up, would that make my kids normal? Hmmmm...

Remembering...

I can hardly believe that tomorrow will mark seven years since Ansley was called Home. Oh how time changes things! Every year I look back and still find myself in awe of all of the people and talents that were orchestrated to pull our family through!

With Grant (the first child) I was always so preoccupied with doing things just like the book said to do them! I was terrified of ruining him! (Go ahead and comment, even with the books, he still has his moments)! Then Ansley came along and there weren't any books available about how to deal with her! She was a complete diva! Then, there was Dasha. We all know that no author has undertaken writing a book about how to raise her! If someone did write one, they'd have to file it under "fiction" because it wouldn't be true! So, I really haven't had the opportunity to just have fun with any of my kids during those early years - until Annie. I don't think I've even read a book about what to do or not to do with Annie. I may regret that in a few years but for now, we're just enjoying her and having fun. That being said, having all of this fun with Annie makes me really miss Ansley more than ever! What fun it would have been to have two little girls running around squealing and demanding that the world revolve around them! I know Grant would really beg to differ but underneath all of his remorse about dealing with a house full of women, he loves being the "Man of the House!"

Seven years ago, if you'd told me what my life would look like in the next few years, I probably would have laughed at you hysterically! Adopting a special needs child from Russia and having another baby wouldn't have been anywhere on MY list. I certainly would have never thought that two superstar actors would have made a movie about Ansley's rare disease, either! However, we all know that God, in His wisdom, orchestrates quite a symphony of events which hopefully all go together to make a beautiful noise! Right now, I'd have to say that we're still in the "tuning" stage and we've got quite a bit of squeaking and squawking going on but we're on the track to at least getting the notes right!

Who knows where we'll be in the next few years. As always, we'll be waiting patiently to see what's next! But for now, we'll remember Ansley Jaye for the red-headed diva and charmer that she was!

Life's Guilt-Free Pleasures...

Yeah, she learned to walk. Yeah, she has mastered climbing anything that looks perilous. Yeah, she can even use a few words to command the whole house! But absolutely nothing compared to her delight at watching the snow fall! She only got to spend a few minutes out in the white stuff but she spent quite a bit of time banging on the back door as the dogs and kids all played! As she was expressing her excitement over something as simply as a few snowflakes, I wondered, "Why can't I let go of all of the STUFF and just show the same excitement over the little things in life?" Hmmm...

Here's a list of things that I've decided to "let go of" over the last few days.

1) I will color with my children happily at the table even though the coloring book is stuck to the table in the remains of someone's spilled oatmeal from breakfast.
2) I will build forts with the couch cushions without worrying about Annie eating all of the unidentified crumbs which were underneath!
3) I will build snowmen in the backyard and not worry about why parts of the snow are yellow and who shoveled the dog poo last.
4) I will kick the ball down the aisle in Target and watch all three kids scream and laugh hysterically. If I have to buy the ball (or half of the store due to my crappy kicking skills), I will. Their laughter is priceless - especially when we're in public and others can see our insanity!
5) And finally, I won't worry that my email and voice mail boxes are full. I am spending guilt free time playing with my kids! (If you've called and I haven't returned your call, I'm probably hiding underneath the fort eating Cheerios and Cheetos from last year while peeking out to see if the kids have found me yet)!

Everyone ought to try having a guilt-free fun day without worrying about lesson plans to be made, clothes to be washed, or children to clean up after. It is very freeing! Who says family therapy needs to be pricey? A few couch cushions, crayons, and a wayward ball down the aisle of Target cure many ails!

Oh how the years go by...

Where to begin seems to always be my biggest dilemma! For those of you who have known us more than a day or two, you've surely heard the name Jason (aka Jay) come up. Eric and Jason met at the Woodlawn Chick-fil-A in their early college days. They ended up sharing the same bachelor pad, in fact. To this day, I'm convinced that Eric has an incredible immune system due to his years in that shoe box which unofficially housed between three and thirty young men (and a ferret at some point named Ringo)! That's a whole different story, though! My point is that Eric and Jason are like brothers. They've shared rooms (probably beds and other things I don't want to know about) and been through quite a bit together. I'm rambling.... Right after we got married, Jason moved back to TX to be closer to his parents and finish his degree. While he was there, he picked up another job at Chick-fil-A. While there, he met a young girl named Emily. After a few months, they got engaged and married on the day after Valentine's Day in 2003. It was during this time that Ansley got seriously ill. In fact, Jason and Emily came straight to GA after getting off the plane from their honeymoon in Hawaii in order to be with us. I'd never met Emily but the minute she stepped into that PICU at Egleston, I knew she was perfect for Jason. She was very soft spoken but also seemed to be able to inspire greatness from those around her. She had such a love for Ansley, as well. She'd never met her before but she immediately took on the job of protector. After being dismissed to take Ansley home with hospice, Jay and Em stayed with us. Em spent hours rocking Ansley. This was such a wonderful break for me. Emily sang to her, cooed to her, and loved on her during those last hours and moments of her little life. In fact, Emily was the last person to hold Ansley before she slipped away. Emily and Jason were with us at the moment it happened. They quickly stepped in and became Grant's keepers and made sure that he had everything he could possibly need. I still laugh about the antics of them trying to find Grant dress clothes for the funeral at Gap Kids! It was impossible to find pants for Grant when he was that age but they managed and did so with a smile! In the end, Jay and Em were there for us, like family. In fact, Ansley's middle name was actually Jaye - for Jason. (I did have to put my foot down about having a daughter with a middle name of Jason)!

I feel like I'm writing some kind of detailed novel but that is not my point. I want everyone to see how God's devine hand leads us even in the dark times. I saw something written once that said, "God hasn't made the storm stop because He wants me to learn to dance in the rain." That's what this story is. It's one big storm where everyone had to learn to dance! Emily's storm was different than our storm with Ansley, though. Emily had Cystic Fibrosis. She waged a long and tough battle. The nurses saw her coming and ran for cover! They knew she would fight to get better! Through many other divine interventions which ultimately led Jason and Emily to AL where UAB has an awesome lung transplant team, they also had beautiful daughter named Faith. Emily did receive a double lung transplant and enjoyed renewed health for a short period. She and Jason moved back to TX where their families are.

Jason's brother, Brandon, actually runs one of the Chick-fil-As in Lubbock. This is the store Eric is stationed at. So, Jason, Brandon, and Eric all work together again just like those early days at Woodlawn Square! Eric is actually living with Jason right now, too. I think they're a little more mature now and don't allow critters such as ferrets to live in the silverware drawer - no, I'm not kidding!

However, on Tuesday, Emily lost her battle with CF. She'd been flown back to UAB to check out some lingering problems and slipped off to go Home while she was sedated. Jason was there with her.

As most of you know, I don't do emotions well. However, Emily's death just makes me remember how raw my heart was after Ansley's death. I've read Randy's Alcorn's book where he talks about what heaven will be like and I know what the Bible says, but in my own mind, its so comforting to me to picture Emily bursting through the gates of Heaven and looking around to find Ansley and rocking her to sleep for me as she did before.

I know that Emily has left an incredible heritage behind for her daughter and Jason will have his hands full as he begins to find a new "normal" but what a picture of a loving mother and wife she has left for everyone. It also makes me wonder what kind of heritage I'm leaving behind for those around me.

Many More Monkeys, Many More Drums, Dum Ditty, Dum Ditty...

Oh my goodness! I have to say that I never realized how many people read my insane ramblings about our family. I've lost count of how many comments I've gotten wondering if I'd given up on the Blog or if the kids had just tied me up and thrown me in the trunk "Earl style." However, I'm still alive and kicking and just taking some time to readjust to figuring out how to wrestle alligators (Annie), tame tornadoes (Dasha), and be sensitive to a ten year old who is taking his job as "man of the house" a bit too seriously all at the same time.

For those of you who didn't know, our nanny walked out on us a few weeks ago and it really sent me into a tailspin. Looking back, though, it was a blessing in disguise. Annie is now staying with an incredible lady while I'm at work. Annie has really blossomed in just the last few weeks with her. Some days, it seems that she's blossomed into a stink weed but she has really excelled with her new sitter! At ten months, Annie is now walking, babbling nonstop, and eating anything that isn't bigger than she is. Her nickname is The Goat! I don't want to think about how much dog food or how many Nerf darts she's ingested over the last few weeks! I guess we're going to go with the mantra, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger!" She should have a stomach of steel!

Due to the nanny drama, I had to re-enroll Dasha in public school. Although she was doing great with our home school curriculum, there aren't too many resources for sitter options during the day for an 11 year old! However, when I re-enrolled her, I had her placed in resources classes which are smaller and move at a slower pace. I can't tell you how hard this decision was. I think I just figured that some magic light bulb was going to go on and Dasha was going to catch up with her peers and be able to tow the same load that the others manage. I had to come to the moment of realization that Dasha is a unique individual and she simply needs some more directed studies to fill in all of those missing gaps from being in a institution for the first seven years of her life! Honestly, I think somewhere deep down inside, I just never thought that one of my own kids would have to have special education services. I'd just concocted such a negative opinion of the whole special education idea. Bottom line, I had to deal with my own skeletons in the closet before placing Dasha back at Little River but I know she's in very capable hands and is receiving what she needs at this very moment in her life.

Dasha is happy to be back in school when it comes to the social aspect. However, she's not too fond of the 5:45 wake up call and having to be responsible for remembering her books and tools. However, these are life skills that we need to work on and so we shall!

Grant, as usual, is trying to bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. Grant has always been an old soul but with Eric being in TX, Grant has taken on the roll of "man of the house." He tries his best to make sure all of the girls are taken care of and has even offered to let Annie sleep in his room so I could relax. Although I love Grant's tender heart, there are times when I wish he'd simply be a kid! He and my dad have spent a lot of time together and just competed in the Boy Scout Pinewood Derby Race and came in 3rd place! I think my dad is living vicariously through Grant sometimes but my dad still believes that Grant is nearly perfect in every way and dotes on him beyond belief. Some times, I have to wonder if this is really the same man who raised me. My sister and I never had privileges such as spray painting on the front porch but with Grant, anything is ok if he's happy.

As for me, I'm still teaching at Little River and will finish the year out. It is trying to keep three kids on schedule and semi-clean but as I've learned, kids are incredibly resilient. I figure the bigger kids are already keeping some sort of list of topics to discuss with a counselor later in life so I figure I'd better make it worth their time! I've learned that dishes will patiently wait in the sink to be washed just as laundry will pile up in the hamper. The dog hair in the carpet is just added cushioning for Annie's bum as she toddles around and plops down at intermittent moments. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or cereal can suffice for dinner as long as it's served with a smile and smushed peas under the high chair simply serve as a little snack for the dogs. However, I can't ever get these days back with my kids no matter what our circumstances are so laughter and love will reign supreme as we dance around in hairy carpet with our dirty clothes on!

Believe it or not, I am taking on a bit of a new challenge, too. I've been asked to write a blog about family life. I have to say that I thought it was a joke at first. Those of you who have seen our "family life" first hand know that we're not traditional and sure not rated G at most moments! There's usually nudity (Annie), violence (Nerf darts), and depending if Eric is home, bodily noises. Anyway, if you need another laugh or just need some reassurance that you are going to win the Mother of the Year award, check it out http://happilyeverafterfornow.blogspot.com/. I've had some technical difficulties (the kind that stand at your knees and scream until you pick them up) so things are getting uploaded slowly.

And then, there's Eric! E is still in TX with Chick-fil-A. He loves his job! He's getting acclimated to the area and I'm sure the area is still trying to get acclimated to him, as well! He is currently working two weeks in TX and then working here in ATL for one week. This is a tremendous help for me! Instead of wondering if the light flashing in my eyes is the light at the end of the tunnel or a train headed straight for me, I know when he'll be home so I can plan activities for the family or a solid escape route for myself!

Hopefully, that gives everyone a quick update of the antics around here! I'll try to do better to get things updated before the kids head off for college!