So, it's been a month since I last posted. Yes, we're all still here and alive. I know many of you are losing bets at this point in the summer since I haven't gotten myself on the six o' clock news yet. Sorry! There's still a chance that I might snap in the next two weeks and you'll win the pot. Here's a review of the last month.
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| Winter's Adventure, Clearwater, FL |
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| The Gentle Giant and his cousin |
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| Dad and Grant... who knows what they're doing. Maybe they're doing YMCA but only had Os. (That was stupid). |
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| Annie's first "boat" ride. I kept hearing strains from the Gilligan's Island theme song. Uncle Tom is either brave or crazy! (We know where Aunt Kim is on the spectrum). :) |
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| Annie's canvas spans the entire back patio. Her smile reminds me of Stripe the Gremlin - so do her actions sometimes. |
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| She's a perpetual firecracker. BOOM! Happy 4th of July and Happy 10th Birthday to Ansley. |
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| My poor baby never seems to have pants on. Tis the season of potty training! |
So, after every post I make lately, I get some comment wondering why I haven't been posting regularly. Well... The simple answer is that it takes time to wrap words on all of the things zinging around in my noggin like a pinball that's just been launched out of the shoot. Even during summer break, my time is like some wild exotic animal that's on the endangered list and must be protected at all cost. (So is my sanity). The other truth is that I was beginning to get a bit nervous at being introduced as, "This is the lady that writes the blog...." Crikey. How many folks read this craziness and then link me to it? Seriously, the last few months have brought lots of changes around here and I've simply had to make a concerted effort to put some walls up to maintain privacy. I'm not sure why I found it so much easier to give the "full Monty" of the details when things were falling in around me. My guess, though, is that rebuilding a family is a very fragile ordeal and I just didn't want too many people peeking in the windows. Who knows. That was just my best Dr. Phil explanation of what I was thinking. How's that working for you? (If you've seen my little nuggets lately, you know)!
As for Annie, she is turning into a real diva. During the Fourth of July parade last week, I watched in horror as she did the Miss America wave to passing floats and acted as if she belonged in the middle of Toddlers and Tiaras! Everything she does is animated to the n-th degree! And, her imagination simply borders on insanity. Currently, she is housing an imaginary cat named "Saphira" who is a "pinkish, whitish" color and barks. I've been screamed at more than once for sitting on Saphira and making her "mad." Annie knows most of the lyrics to the current pop Christian tunes and will sing at the top of her lungs until everyone begs her to take a breath. She continues to climb on and jump off of anything that she can. A few weeks ago, the "Paci Fairy" came and snipped the ends off of the two remaining pacis she had and left her a treat in place of the broken pacis. I believe her dramatic words went something like, "Oh no! They are ruined! This is very not good! Can I just hold them now?" So, she now holds the pacis in her hand at night. Believe me, I almost caved in and made a late night run to WalMart for more pacis when she started oozing with the sadness. As for the potty training situation, as long as I remember to remind her to go to the potty every hour or so, things are fine. However, it's the remembering to remind her part that seems to go awry. I've tried setting timers and all sorts of other things but at least we're down to only one or two accidents a week during the day. For all I care, she can use Pull Ups for the rest of her life at night, though. Changing bunk bed sheets is worse than having a diaper ridden ten year old! At this point in the game, Annie provides the majority of the comedy for the family but she's still willing to cuddle up at night and watch Mary Poppins or Barbie. (Fresh Beats have finally been put to rest)!
Grant is now taller than I am but just as sensitive as ever. He has spent most of his summer hanging out with friends and building an arsenal of swords out of cardboard, duct tape, and brads. In one week alone, he and his friends went through about 400 yards of duct tape (that's 8 rolls), 800 brads (that's 4 boxes), and several cans of spray paint. Then, they discovered hot glue. Whew. I conveniently forgot to buy more glue sticks in order to curtail that part of the project! Grant made Star Scout last week and is now one step closer to getting his Eagle rank by the time he's 13. In fact, he's at scout camp this week in the mountains of Georgia. Last year, we fussed over all of the things he needed to take and packed and repacked to make sure he didn't forget anything. This year, I couldn't even tell you if he took any underwear. If he didn't... well, so sorry to his fellow scouts. Next week, he'll head off on another adventure. He'll be flying alone for the first time to visit Eric in Texas. I'm quite sure that I'll be more nervous than he will. All he has to do is sit on the plane and read for four hours. Those four hours will be hellish for me, though. So it goes with letting your kids use their wings. Grant still will sit and build with his Legos, set his G.I. Joes up into battle formation, and has a wicked sense of humor that is going to get him shot or me on the bad parent list for laughing at some of his jokes!
And then, there's Dasha. I'll be honest. I'm going to be very guarded about what I say in this department. Dasha has given me a run for my money on more than one occasion over the last few months. On two occasions, I've put her out on the front porch and simply told her that she couldn't be part of this family until she could follow the rules like everyone else. If this sounds harsh, I'd urge you to hold the stone you're about to throw my way until you've seen her in action. Hitting, screaming, spitting, and throwing things have been added to her list of combative activities. At over 100 pounds now, I can't just throw her over my shoulder and deposit her to her room. (Believe me. I tried this one night only to realize the folly of my ways about half way up the stairs). I'm in the process of seeking more professional help to sort out what is going on. It's been hard, though. She has moments where the "old" Dasha shines through and she loves to help clean up or play with Annie. She still loves music and anything technology related. I'm doing what I can to make sure she has what she needs and I've tried to allow her some room to be independent and stretch her 14-year-old self. But, the thought of getting her back into the routine of "doing" school makes my stomach queasy although she can't wait to get back to school for the socialization. Typical teenager!
As for me... the last six months have been full of transitions and changes. A few months ago, I read a piece about the life cycle of eagles. When an eagle is about 40, they have to make a decision about their longevity. If they do nothing, their old feathers, talons, and beaks won't support them and they will die. So, death comes with choosing to do nothing. However, they can choose to make a painful transformation that takes about five months and renew their feathers by plucking them out and letting them regrow, breaking their beak off and letting it regrow, and breaking off their talons so that they will grown in stronger and sharper. For five months, the eagle is basically a sitting duck. (Ha, ha. Wasn't that funny)? Anyway, I realized several months back that I was sort of like that eagle. I could sit in my comfort zone and do nothing and gain nothing or I could take a chance and make myself extremely venerable in order to grow. I'm a creature of habit and I thrive on consistency and safety. Honestly, I sort of chose to take the safe road and just dream about what it would be like to be soaring like a renewed eagle.
Now, most of you know that I'm rather a perfectionist and most folks are pretty respectful of that and don't challenge me too much. That's just the way it is. I just assumed that everyone had gotten the memo! And, that's what I was used to. However, back in February, I met someone that had the kahunas to challenge me and most definitely had NOT gotten the memo about my perfection. (Maybe I shouldn't be so blunt but it's the truth). I honestly didn't know what to do. Here I was sitting in my nest watching the world going by and this guy had the audacity to try to push me out of my comfy nest. Now, he absolutely nudged gently at first and just started laying truths out about my comfiness that I couldn't deny. For those of you who know me, you also know that I hate to be wrong and sure don't want to be called out for being wrong. The people who have been crazy enough to call me out on anything in my life probably number fewer than five. (No, it's not because I knocked off the others, either)! So, with some time and major consideration, I decided to start plucking feathers, breaking talons, and ultimately breaking off my beak leaving myself exposed and feeling anxious. The same crazy guy stood by and picked me up, dusted me off, and put me back into my nest more than once as I renewed myself. He understood the anxieties. (He'd already gone through the "renewal" process after being through a divorce under the same circumstances that I found myself in and had three kids along for the ride, too). Anyway, that fragile renewal process is still underway for me but I'm beginning to regain strength and confidence in stepping out into a new world. From my parenting strategies which went something like, "Do whatever to keep everyone happy" to avoiding anything that might put me at a risk for failure, I'm finding renewed energy to get out of my comfort zone and risk making folks unhappy or even potential failure in order to do what is Right. The guy? He's still standing by sort of gently laughing and shaking his head at me as I stretch my wings as I look over the edge of the nest and scramble back to the center in search of security. Each day, I creep closer to the edge and get more secure with the idea of soaring out of the nest that has been my comfort zone for so long. The transformation process was and is riddled with moments of awe as I see things about myself that I've hidden away for so long but there have also been moments of feeling like a complete idiot when I look back over the last years and see my stupidity. A pastor once wrote, "I'm glad that God has more grace in His heart than I have stupidity in mine." Amen to that!
Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount
up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will
walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:31
So, there's the scoop on what's going on around here. Sort of vague. Sorry. It's like a construction zone around here and I'm just protecting you from having a rogue piece of crap land on your unprotected noggin and knock you out!
But, stay tuned. Like I said earlier, this show just keeps getting better and better. Stay tuned for the next installment of "As the World Turns at the Randolph Asylum."
Good night, all.
