Annie's Red Dress

It's hard to believe that a year ago, the idea of being pregnant was just settling in over our family. There were so many questions about my health and the health of our baby. The biggest question in everyone's mind was, "Will this baby be sick, too?" OK, let's face it, we all wondered. Most people, kept their thoughts to themselves and silently wondered what we we'd gotten ourselves into. Others, those we call "true friends," just came right out and spoke their minds and said that they'd support us despite the health of the baby. However, as usual, my husband who doesn't mind taking great leaps of faith without calculating risks simply said, "It's in God's hands and there's nothing we can do to change it." Me, on the other hand, had to wrestle with this kind of faith. Yes, we've had to have a lot of faith over the last few years but, hey, they say hindsight is 20/20 and I was definitely trying to use hindsight to guide my steps. Anyway, my point is that even though I knew our surprise pregnancy was a definite blessing and gift, I had to wonder how I was going to face caring for another sick baby and ultimately burying her if things played out that way. Eric, on the other hand, continued to say that things would be just fine. (There were definitely days I wanted to knock his teeth out. I just wanted him to worry with me and roll in despair with me for a few minutes)!

So, as the due date neared, my family gave me a baby shower. We, of course, had long since given away all of our baby stuff and were starting over again. At the shower, my sister gave me three beautiful dresses for the baby. They were all frilly and gorgeous. These are the kind of dresses that you put on the baby when you arrive at the picture studio and you don't even wear them on the drive to the studio for fear some random liquid is going to bubble forth from the little volcano onto the dress and ruin it! At the shower, I politely thanked my sister and carefully folded the dresses back up and put them in the box.

The dresses were all 3-6 month sizes. I didn't know if our baby would be sick and if she would even live long enough to wear the dresses. At the time, I put anything that wasn't a newborn size in a plastic bin and tucked it in the closet. Yes, it is a morbid thought but that was my frame of reference and my reality at that time. So, the dresses were hung in the back of the closet with the tags still on them and the receipt taped to one of the tags. And, there they hung, and hung, and hung.

Last Saturday night as I was laying everyone's clothes out for church, I saw the dresses. How funny that I hadn't noticed them before now. However, I just had this complete moment of thankfulness which was followed by that ping of guilt for being so faithless. My Annie girl is now almost 7 months old, has tested negative for Pompe's, and will be around for quite some time to ensure that she turns each and every hair on my head gray.

I tell this story to let everyone know that, yes, I am still very protective of Annie. It was at this six month point when we realized that there was something seriously wrong with Ansley. There are many times when I watch Annie sleep (ha - that happens very rarely) and I wonder if Ansley would have had the same "hell on wheels" mentality that Annie does. We're convinced that her first words will either be, "MINE," or "NOW!" But I am still so thankful for the blessing of her addition to our family. Despite my own wailing and tantrums when she's crawling around and eating dog food and calling for someone to party with her at 2 a.m., I continue to count my blessings.

Though she is quite a handful, she wore her red dress proudly to church on Sunday morning. The nursery workers had no idea of the significance of the dress and simply said that the red color matched her personality and the color she turned herself as she screamed throughout her stay in the baby holding tank better known as the nursery. I just had to giggle and whisper a little prayer of thanks for Annie and her red dress.

Educating Dasha...

Believe it or not, it's been almost four years since Daria Contantina Yemelyanova became our Dasha Elizabeth Randolph. When we adopted Dasha, we didn't have any guarantees about the future - but we don't have that with our own biological kids! We didn't know if surgery would correct her feet. But, with time, great medical support, and the patience and support of a small army, Dasha now walks, runs, and jumps! Yes, she stumbles and falls but compared to crawling around and having callused knees like she did four years ago, she's made vast improvements. We, also, did not know what Dasha's mental capacity would be when we saw that first picture of her and knew what we had to do!

Dasha had never been in a school setting but embraced school life and showed her constant desire to learn more and please those around her! To this day, if there's a choice to check out early (thanks to Papa or Grandma), she'd rather stay at school and enjoy her friends and teachers. Of course, Grant, on the other hand, takes the early exit every time!

Over the past few years, Dasha has done her best to learn this crazy English language with all of it's exceptions and rules. She's worked to learn her math facts. And, she's done her very best to learn all about the world around her through science and social studies. When you consider that she'd never left the orphanage except to go to the hospital until she was seven years old, she had quite a lot of life experiences to make up for. We've tried our best to pack all of this into the four short years she's been here. Things such as learning the difference between your leg, knee, ankle, and thigh are confusing and why in the world is it ok to get up and go to the bathroom whenever you want at home, but not at school? Whew! The learning curve has been VERY steep but we've kept at it - with the help of friends, family, and many medial professionals! Throughout the journey, Dasha has kept her effervescent attitude about doing her best and persevering!

This year, though, has proven to be quite a battle. As the curriculum advances in language and content, Dasha is having trouble understanding the concepts. There are so many holes in her background knowledge that it's hard to add details when the main concepts aren't even there! For example, learning about weather maps and cold fronts and pressure systems is near impossible when you don't know about the water cycle and understand that clouds and air move through the air. These are not concepts you can simply sit down and teach in an afternoon, either! These are life lessons that you learn through observation and discussion! It's near impossible to understand the plight of the Plains Indians when you don't understand the foundations of America. (Can you imagine Dasha's response when I explained to her that some people didn't want the Indians on the land and tried to force them out of their homes)? Dasha's innocence blocks her from understanding many concepts, as well. This is also true when we constantly warn her to be wary of strangers. She doesn't have any concept of people with ill intent!

So, now our question becomes, "Is Dasha's mental capacity being impacted by her CP, her language development, or her sheltered background?" So many huge questions to ponder! We've tried the special education route and we don't feel like this is the answer! She is capable of doing work - she's just missing major cornerstones! We don't want her to think that she can't do it as is the unspoken excuse in many special education settings. General education in a class of 30, though, isn't solving any problems either! At this stage in the game, a teacher with 30 kids doesn't have time to go back and fill in those missing foundational gaps so the gaps just get bigger and bigger! Not to mention, changing classes and teachers for each subject is challenging for her mobility and means a new set of "unspoken" rules regarding classroom society at every change!

Bottom line, Dasha is falling farther and farther behind and we're in a quandary as to what to do. The best case scenario is a one to one ratio where someone can take time to make sure the foundation is laid solidly before anything else is built on top of it! I always think of the song about one man who built his house on sinking sand and the other who built it on a firm foundation! Some have said that home schooling is the answer. Yes, it does sound like a great solution but I really don't feel like I'm being called away from my mission field (aka my classroom) right now. There's absolutely NO way that Eric could home school Dasha, either! Those of you who know Eric can just go ahead and laugh out loud! Some have said that private schools would be more suitable because of their low student teacher ratios. Well, most private schools don't have the resources to educate Dasha because of her mobility issues. They see her as a liability. So, our problem remains.

Please understand that I'm not knocking public education. I'm part of that system and it's a beautiful thing when it's done right! However, Dasha doesn't fit the mold of the typical student and therefore, it's just not working! I can't expect a teacher with 30 students to go back and reteach Dasha every lesson and design lessons especially for her. It's not realistic. But, at this point, we're just waiting. We're reteaching at home, trying to encourage that spirit of learning despite continually getting failing grades, and doing our darndest of make lemonade from our current crop of lemons!

At this point, there's no conclusion to this story other than to say that we're simply waiting for direction. But, sometimes, waiting is the hardest thing to do!

Crazy train ... ALL ABOARD!

I just don't know where times goes! I suddenly have an 11 year old, a 9 year old, and a 6 month old! Here's a quick update on current stats of the Randolph clan...

Dasha is in 4th grade this year and thriving. Each day, she has to work three times harder than the other kids to keep up mentally, emotionally, and physically but she never complains! She continues to push on and work toward her goals. I've never met a kid with the determination that Dasha has! Her innocence also continues to be a light to those around her. She just doesn't have a malicious bone in her body! Physically, she's struggling right now because she keeps having massive growth spurts. Despite her injections of Botox to help keep her legs limber, we know that we're going to have to look at more invasive options in the near future to retain her current state of mobility.

Grant is the normal protective brother of his sisters. He's also in fourth grade and excelling. This year, Grant is actually having to study and work for his grade so we've had some new challenges such as admitting that we don't know it all and studying! Grant is involved with Boy Scouts and loves all of the outdoor activities! He's really beginning to become more independent and turning into a little (giant) man. He still has the tender heart that seems to be his trademark but is learning how to live within the world and maintain his boundaries. This is such a delicate tightrope act for him!

Then, there's Annie! I do believe we should have named her Annie the Destroyer! Annie now crawls and gets into anything she can! Annie continues to be the joy of everyone around her (except from 6:00 - 8:00 p.m. when she turns into a monster). Annie definitely has her daddy's outgoing personality and his need for independence! She only cuddles when she's asleep! During the day, we have a sweet little lady who comes to our house and stays with her while I'm at work. Since Eric works from the house, he also has a big role in making sure she doesn't tear the house apart!

Eric and I are blessed to still have our jobs. He's still doing the "marketing thing" and I'm teaching 3rd grade this year! We're very grateful to have income during this period of time when so many people are without jobs!

Hopefully, this will catch everyone up who has asked for updates via the blog! Considering it has taken me three months to update the blog, I might should start on my Christmas cards now!!!