Defining moments and sinking battleships

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.
A.W. Tozer

As I started the study guide, it read like this...

"A defining moment often happens when a person comes fact-to-face with a truth about life he's never confronted before. But if we're honest, most of our defining moments happen with truths we've simply been ignoring for a long, long time."

The last line of the chapter read...

"...letting go of what's familiar can be the first step to experiencing a defining moment with truth in your life."

I felt like Dorthy from Jerry Maguire. I just wanted to scream, "You had me at hello!" 

When I don't have answers, I read. This is the danger of having a Kindle. When you finish one book, you don't have to wait for the bookstore to open or Amazon to ship your book. You simply hit, "BUY." I just counted the list of books I have that pertain to marriage and recovery that I've purchased since this all blew up in October. The grand total is 17. And, yes, I've read every one of those darn books. But guess what. Not a single book has given me all of the answers on how to fix things. Do you remember when you found out you were pregnant with your first child? You bought every book you could find. (Those were the old-fashioned days when I had to get in the car and drive to Barnes and Noble)! However, the moment you went into labor, everything you read probably flew out the window. The same holds true for all of those Lamaze courses and informational videos you watched. I think use that "hyperventalative breathing" more during stressful situations such as waiting one of Annie's tantrums out than I ever did during labor! My point is simply that having information doesn't mean you understand it all!


However, when I downloaded Andy's book "Defining Moments," I realized that all of the other books I had read all dealt with the whys of the details of the situation. Those books offered Band Aids for a broken heart. They didn't offer any long-term solutions to heal my heart.


As I begin reading the book, a defining moment is defined as something that happens when you come face-to-face with a truth about life that invites you to change the way you live. It demands a decision on your part and once you reach that moment, no matter what choice you make, your life will never be the same.


Needless to say, I'm in the middle of a defining moment. I'm smack dab in the center of the bull's eye. Although I'm leery to even say it, part of me feels like I'm in the eye of the hurricane. (If that's the truth, to get out of the storm, I'm going to have to weather the outer bands of nastiness again). When I label this Season of my life as one of a defining moment, it really makes me rethink every action I take more carefully. I rarely hit "send" on an email before letting it sit and simmer a few days. I don't engage in conversations without having a clear road map of what I want to say. And I do my darnedest to keep emotions and facts separated to their opposite corners and deal with each entity on its own. So, while I do have days like yesterday that about sink my battleship, I know the importance of where I'm at. The decisions I make right now will have a dramatic impact on my future and that of my family. I have to choose wisely.


While reading all of the information that I can get my hands on from folks who have walked this journey before and have solid Biblical advice, that advice and information is only that - information. I can take all of that and use it to help me make decisions but reading the book doesn't fix anything just as reading the driver's education manual doesn't make you an all-star driver. So, I'll continue to read but will I will stop reading as if I'm looking for a magical answer that will make all of this disappear. I will read to glean information to use to help define the paths and roads that I'll take on this journey. That's scary to me. I'd much rather find the magical spell, speak it, and move on.

I feel like I'm chasing my tail here. Basically, I'm standing in the middle of a defining moment and I have to recognize it for that. I can't make decisions based on my roller coaster emotions or without thought. It's game time and I'm in unknown territory but have to be ready to play. (Does anyone else hear Troy singing 'Get Your Head in the Game)?


For tonight, there won't be any major decisions being made. I'm simply trying to coax Annie to go back to sleep after getting "Get Out of Jail" pass for bed time due to the storms. Her pass is about to expire and she's about to turn back into a pumpkin despite her whines not to go to bed. Argh. Remember the battleship? Someone just called B1 and got a direct hit! Thank goodness it's not my battleship, though. It's just my submarine. It's taking on water pretty bad but, hopefully, a night of rest will give the crew time to make needed repairs!