"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" (Psalm 56:3-4).
Today marks one month. Once again, those scabs that seemed to be healing up have been scratched off to reveal a raw and hurting heart. It still only takes a single word of remembrance to bring me to my knees. Today, the word was simply, "Thanks." A random IM about a bill and the response was, "Thanks." That was all it took. I absolutely HATE not being in charge of my emotions. They are like a rogue child that was just given a six pack of Red Bull, shaken up, and let loose at Six Flags. You just never know when it's all going to blow up! As a control freak, it irritates me that something so little (and I'm sure quite insignificant from the delivering end) could issue such a blow. Ugh.
This drama was coupled with the drama of receiving a pretty ugly note from Cobb EMC today. Seriously? Do they not know what I'm going through? They don't seem to care that I've NEVER paid bills before and somehow overlooked their stupid bill for $149.54! They also don't seem to care that I managed to pay every other bill without screwing it up. Seriously? This is one of those situations that I keep talking to Grant about. You just never know what someone is going through so extend grace and mercy (without being a door mat). I'll never forget leaving Egleston hospital and trying to beat the ambulance back to our apartment. We had a team of doctors and nurses delivering Ansley back home (basically to live out her last couple of days in a warm and nurturing environment). My mind was definitely not 100% focused on the traffic on 285. I guess I inadvertently cut someone off and he used the middle-finger salute to me as he passed by. I vividly remember thinking, "I wonder how he'd feel if he was driving home to receiving his dying daughter?" Anyway, I had those same feelings today with the Cobb EMC representative. It also didn't help too much that I couldn't hardly understand a word of her broken English!!! However, they'll get what THEY want in four days when the ebill clears my account. Geez! (In my defense, it would sure help if they actually sent me a real paper bill so I'd know how much they wanted to sap me for)!
Anyway, this is how I've spent my 1 month anniversary of being alone. SUCKS LARGE!
Now, off to bed for more NyQuil and a prayer that this blasted bronchitis will disappear (along with the black cloud I'm letting hover over my head - call it a pity party or whatever you like but it's where I am tonight).
Good night, all!
(Oh, and just in case you caught the nude picture link that Anonymous posted on an older post this morning, consider yourself lucky. That's pretty low and gross)!
5 comments:
You know what amazes me about this whole thing? The father of your children allows "anonymous" to speak that way? He doesn't have the dignity to control that person? Child like- immature- The best part is it's on record...I see $$$$$ signs and custody. HMP!!!!!!
Eric doesn't know who it is. He traced one of the texted numbers to a Latino family in Lubbock, TX.
Once again, your stupidity and whineyness is evident every time you post something. 1- Using that cinderella song and all of those pictures was just proof that you don't play fair. That was dirty and just meant to hurt Eric. I don't have any sympathy for you. You deserve what your getting and I assume you tell the kids how rotten Eric is so they probably enjoy seeing you do it. 2 - I didn't post any naked pictures to your blog and I don't live in Lubbock, TX. Oh. Is this a guessing game now? Sounds like fun! 3- The post about who Grant will look up to was horrible. If I remember correctly he can hang out with your dad since you prefer him to Eric anyway. 4- You have really never paid bills before? That just shows what a spoiled brat you are. Grow up. You probably don't even know how much money it really takes to pay for everything. You just kept your hand out for more all of the time! He was never enough for you. Please stop wasting your time trying to buy votes of sympathy from your friends. It does not make a difference now. They are a happy couple. You got what you wanted. Your kids still have a dad but you won't let them be with him so stop that drama. Move on and go find some old man who can tolerate the whining and will be your prince charming and can buy you and your kids all of those pretty things you want. Your pathetic! Oh, and stop with the bible verses. I believe the term for people who use verses to support wrong actions are called hypocrites. That would be you. After seeing these other comments, I see why you wanted to stay in Ga. All of your friends are just like you. And if you were really such a holesome little church girl you would just turn the comments off if I'm bothering you that much.
My question is this, "what the hell is Eric thinking?" I wonder why he won't return any request to speak to him...sin is indeed ugly.
Yes, Susan I agree with Anon from Texas...turn her off. There is none so blind as he who will not see.
To Anon in Texas. Just FYI Susan does not speak about Eric to tear him down, but to lift him up to the Lord. As for Grant... nothing needs to be said to him, he sees it. If you knew him you would know what an intelligent, astute, and observant young man he is. He is as well brokenhearted.
Here is a challenge for you if you dare. Search the scriptures yourself, "seek the Lord and you will find Him" Jesus says, "he who loses his life for my sake will find it." the life you are choosing now is not yours. Your ultimate peace and joy will come from knowing the Father through Christ.
Ask yourself why you are sparring with words to this blog..Are you afraid that Eric will change his mind? If you truly have his heart, why do you bother to log onto the blog?
You do not need to fear what man can do but fear instead our God who has the power to take life.( God's words not mine)
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