You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant (Malachi 2:13-14)
Wedding rings have become more about how big or how much money they cost over the last several years. From the fancy proposal to the fancy ring, it's become more about the show than the actual symbolism of pledge and promise. Silly shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette just heighten the emphasis on the material side of the rings.
When Eric bought my first ring, I thought it was incredible. He got down on one knee on a trail at Rope Mill park and asked the question. We didn't have any money so the ring was small but represented his promise to me. I remember staring at that ring for the next several months. Every time I looked at it, I was convinced that it was the best ring anywhere and that it held some sort of super powers.
Ten years later, sitting atop the Westin at the Sundial restaurant (moving up in the world), Eric offered me another ring for our tenth anniversary. The ring was beautiful. It had very intricate scroll work and even had an S at the base of the diamond. We joked that it stood for Super Woman (ok, yeah, we said it stood for some other stuff, too). That ring was incredible! He had saved his bonuses for months to buy me that ring. There were a hundred things he could have used that money for but he used it to get me a new ring that was the most perfect ring that was ever created.
I took the ring off two weeks ago. Am I supposed to do that? I don't know! It doesn't feel right to wear it but I feel naked without it. The circumstances say I'm not married but everything legal says that I am. One of my students even asked me if I'd lost it. See? It was so gorgeous that my students even noticed it! This is one of those details that outsiders would probably never even think about. The Ring - to wear or not to wear, that is the question.
I'm not normally sentimental about things but that ring meant a million things to me. I'd thrown that ring at Eric at the height of our problems and then he'd offered it back weeks later when we decided to work things out. It wasn't just a ring. It stood for the trials we'd been through and the journey I thought we were on. Taking the ring off was like taking off dreams, old memories, and admitting that I don't think "we" will ever be again. I even went a bought a cheap ring at Kohls to put on that finger to make the awkward naked feeling go away. It didn't. Wearing the cheap ring just made me feel like I was trying to deceive myself.
For every TV show or movie that you see where the couple splits up and goes their separate ways, just know that it doesn't work that way! This was a puzzle with at least 1,000 pieces that just got dumped on the table. We don't have the box with the picture on it to figure out how everything should go together. I keep trying to jam pieces together that don't fit and I'm just ultimately slowing down the process of finally seeing the big picture and I'm damaging some of the pieces in the process. At this point, I much prefer those toddler puzzles that are wooden and have the little pegs to tightly hold on to. Usually, they also have the picture painted right on the wooden board so you know which piece goes into which hole. This is the kind of puzzle I need right now - dummy proof! Something simple, like shapes or even firetrucks would be nice. I'm tired of the pieces to this huge puzzle that I have. The pieces get turned over so I can't even see the design on the piece and then I can't figure out where they go. I cant' even get the edges complete so I can keep the other pieces in between the navigational beacons! There are days when I feel like swiping the table clean and letting the pieces scatter and fall where ever they may.
The ring was another one of these pieces. I haven't figured out where the piece goes. I'm quite sure Eric would say don't wear it and that's probably reasonable. It's my silly romantic side that keeps telling me that putting the ring away means putting away so many other things that I don't ever want to forget.
(Note: I took the picture of my ring the night Eric gave it back after I threw it at him weeks earlier in a horrific child-like tantrum. Remember, I told you that I was NOT perfect in all of this mess! Who knew that I'd be posting that picture with a blog entry like this back on December 21)!
When Eric bought my first ring, I thought it was incredible. He got down on one knee on a trail at Rope Mill park and asked the question. We didn't have any money so the ring was small but represented his promise to me. I remember staring at that ring for the next several months. Every time I looked at it, I was convinced that it was the best ring anywhere and that it held some sort of super powers.
Ten years later, sitting atop the Westin at the Sundial restaurant (moving up in the world), Eric offered me another ring for our tenth anniversary. The ring was beautiful. It had very intricate scroll work and even had an S at the base of the diamond. We joked that it stood for Super Woman (ok, yeah, we said it stood for some other stuff, too). That ring was incredible! He had saved his bonuses for months to buy me that ring. There were a hundred things he could have used that money for but he used it to get me a new ring that was the most perfect ring that was ever created.
I took the ring off two weeks ago. Am I supposed to do that? I don't know! It doesn't feel right to wear it but I feel naked without it. The circumstances say I'm not married but everything legal says that I am. One of my students even asked me if I'd lost it. See? It was so gorgeous that my students even noticed it! This is one of those details that outsiders would probably never even think about. The Ring - to wear or not to wear, that is the question.
I'm not normally sentimental about things but that ring meant a million things to me. I'd thrown that ring at Eric at the height of our problems and then he'd offered it back weeks later when we decided to work things out. It wasn't just a ring. It stood for the trials we'd been through and the journey I thought we were on. Taking the ring off was like taking off dreams, old memories, and admitting that I don't think "we" will ever be again. I even went a bought a cheap ring at Kohls to put on that finger to make the awkward naked feeling go away. It didn't. Wearing the cheap ring just made me feel like I was trying to deceive myself.
For every TV show or movie that you see where the couple splits up and goes their separate ways, just know that it doesn't work that way! This was a puzzle with at least 1,000 pieces that just got dumped on the table. We don't have the box with the picture on it to figure out how everything should go together. I keep trying to jam pieces together that don't fit and I'm just ultimately slowing down the process of finally seeing the big picture and I'm damaging some of the pieces in the process. At this point, I much prefer those toddler puzzles that are wooden and have the little pegs to tightly hold on to. Usually, they also have the picture painted right on the wooden board so you know which piece goes into which hole. This is the kind of puzzle I need right now - dummy proof! Something simple, like shapes or even firetrucks would be nice. I'm tired of the pieces to this huge puzzle that I have. The pieces get turned over so I can't even see the design on the piece and then I can't figure out where they go. I cant' even get the edges complete so I can keep the other pieces in between the navigational beacons! There are days when I feel like swiping the table clean and letting the pieces scatter and fall where ever they may.
The ring was another one of these pieces. I haven't figured out where the piece goes. I'm quite sure Eric would say don't wear it and that's probably reasonable. It's my silly romantic side that keeps telling me that putting the ring away means putting away so many other things that I don't ever want to forget.
(Note: I took the picture of my ring the night Eric gave it back after I threw it at him weeks earlier in a horrific child-like tantrum. Remember, I told you that I was NOT perfect in all of this mess! Who knew that I'd be posting that picture with a blog entry like this back on December 21)!
1 comment:
I shed tears everythime I read your blog as I vividly remember the same feelings you so well describe...
I struggled so much with the same question...I took mine off with a mix of incredible sorrow and anger, because it seemed as it meant everything to me, but nothing to him...I felt as all thoses words he told me (incidentaly ALSO at the Westin Sundial Restaurant in our 12 aniversary AND also being the second ring!!)were just that ..empty words,while to me it meant the never ending love we shared and the symbol of US and so much more...
I took it off when I felt in my heart I was alone with those feelings...I put it away with the hopes that maybe one day he would put it back on my finger ...or that the day would come when it would loose all its meaning to me so I could sell it and go on a vacation in some tropical island by myself,(like some claim they do when they sell their gold)...
I guess what I am trying to say is that I so understand your feelings...the empty feeling in the finger is really in our hearts, and it'll stay like that for a while, but it will fade away, when you start to fill your soul with warm feelings and the love you think you lost, will be replaced with the love you will gain from other channels, the incredible love of God, that is capable of mending a broken heart with sweet words and unconditional love, the cuddles of a Father that so understand betrayal, loneliness, hurt, even uncertainty...He knows it all..the love from yourself, as you walk through this valley and gain strengh in each step, the love from your children, who love you unconditionaly too...the love of friends...let all that love fill your heart and wash away the pain, and one day that finger wont feel that empty anymore...and dont ever loose hopes...there in NOTHING impossible for God, there is a reason this is happening and one day you may see why...in the mean time hold on..to the ONE that's holding you...and when you decide to take off your ring ...just...put it away...your heart will know what to do with it...
With much love
Andrea
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