No, I'm not calling Annie stupid! Let's just clear that up right now! This is just the only real photo I have of one of the kids doing something ridiculous that's totally legal!
Why do people do stupid things? If people would stop doing stupid things, the "here's your sign" industry would go belly up! Tonight, though, I believe I'm the stupid one that deserves a sign stapled to my forehead.
Yeah, it's been a very long week. Yeah, the kids are all struggling. Grant wakes up screaming. Annie roams the house looking for Daddy and continues to say he's in TX or getting coffee. And then, there's Dasha. It's just so hard to know exactly how much of this situation Dasha understands. I do best when things are either right or wrong. No or yes. Up or down. Black or white. Dasha dwells in grays.
We've had test after test to determine her exact mental capabilities. Most of those tests show that she's capable of average intelligence but the problems come in the area of processing. Many times, this means that it takes her a whole lot longer to process directions you've given and sometimes she has to dwell on a concept for days before she suddenly has an "a-ha" moment. There have been NO "a-ha" moments this week for her!
Wednesday night was traumatic for everyone as final good-byes were made. However, in her efforts to process the emotions surrounding the situation, she got violent with me. What I didn't know then was that we were at the top of the roller coaster and it would just go down hill from there!
On Thursday, I got multiple reports of Dasha's antics at school. She'd lied, hidden work in her desk, gotten sassy and disrespectful with both a teacher and an administrator, and then continued on the same path with me at home. (Mind you, I'm not in a perfectly peachy state of mind either)! Despite her actions, we did our best to complete homework. We made it though a portion of the work and then realized that the directions for the huge project she was supposed to complete (it had been due Thursday but she didn't finish it) were back at school hidden in her desk somewhere.
Now, I'll admit to you that as this scenario unfolded, I was counting all of the animals I could think of in my head that eat their young and wondering what it would be like to be reincarnated as one of those animals. Annie was also in melt down mode which added a glorious melody to the entire house, as well. Grant was lucky to escape the scene for a bike clinic, at least. But, you get the picture of the bedlam that was suffocating the hours from 4:00 - 9:00 last night!
Back to Dasha, we eventually packed up her papers and simply called it a night. I still didn't have a grasp on what she'd done and not done but I knew I couldn't tolerate her attitude for another second. (Another on-going issue - Are the actions related to the traumatic events of the week, simply based on teenage hormones, her sensory overload issues, or a weird mix of everything - and, how do you disciple and deal with that mix)? She went to bed quickly and quietly without too much fuss and I was grateful for that!
Then, as if a scene from Groundhog Day, it all started again with the alarm clock buzzing me awake! The only difference today, though, was that Dasha landed herself a coveted spot in in-school suspension and still didn't finish her work. In order to spare you the details of the remainder of my day, I'll skip to 5:00.
We finally made it home and I got dinner on the table. I'd already decided that I was going to be proactive with Dasha's work for next week and we'd get some of it done this weekend. I set her up at the dining room table and helped her get her things organized so she could start task number one of Operation Don't Eat the Children weekend! She completed next week's spelling in record time. It was the wrong list of words but, hey, she was compliant. Then, the whining began. It started like a dull roar similar to tire noise when you're inside a luxury car with the windows rolled up. Then, it got louder. (Think Blue Angels doing a fly-by over your house). Mind you, I was doing my best to leave her alone and let her express her disgruntled comments in solitude. Then I heard it. I knew the sound of the chair hitting the wall (my newly painted walls for that matter). By the time I rounded the corner into the dining room, I know I'd counted to ten at least ten times but it wasn't working.
Her excuse, "I'm just tired and don't want to do hard work. I don't like it." I calmly tried to reason with her and explain to her all of the events in my life that are hard work and don't really make me jump for joy and painted her a picture of what life would look like for us if I didn't do those hard things. I don't think she cared or understood because the chair to her other side suddenly flipped over, too. (I'm still pretty sure that her foot had something to do with it)!
At this point, my mind raced as to what my next move should be. Should I overlook her sheer defiance and seeming anger and just coddle her and tell her things will get easier? (I sure as heck wish someone would do that for me right now)! Should I send her to bed and ultimately give her want she wanted? I needed a win - win situation of some sort but as I frantically sorted through all of the dusty files of Cosby show reruns in my head, I couldn't seem to figure out what creative move Heathcliff Huxtable would have made. I could think of what Hank Hill, Homer Simpson, and Ward Cleaver would have done but I drew a blank about something reasonable. I just walked away... until the next chair crashed into the wall.
I hoisted her over my shoulder, carried her out the front door, sat her on the porch, and went back inside. Don't panic! I could clearly see every move she made from the window (and where in the world did she learn some of those motions?)! She needed a brain reset and I needed a second to remind myself that I'm the only adult on duty so I can't go for broke on her behavior because I might not have anything left to spend if one of the others tries something stupid!
She sat there for less than two minutes before I opened the door. (OK, I admit, I was terrified that our crazy neighbor was going to stumble out of her house in a drunken stupor and question my motives of putting one of my kids on the porch in the dark)! We had a very interesting discussion while she sat on the porch in her pjs and I stood there in the doorway (I am very glad that I'd put on semi-presentable pjs, too! I'm sure our neighbors already had quite a show)! When I asked Dasha to explain to me why I was so upset, she looked up and simply said, "Because you're the mom." Insert knife in my heart, twist, and repeat! Really? Is that how she feels? I did regroup quickly enough to carry on a reasonable conversation with her and explain to her that in order to re-enter my house, she'd have to follow my rules, and basically gave her a mom speech but my heart was still aching.
So, now that everyone is in bed for the night, I'm left to ponder this. Does she really think that the only emotion I can show is negative? Yeah, I've been under a lot of stress and I'm emotionally drained and ducking flying dining room chairs isn't my idea of a stellar after dinner workout but what's going on in her mind?
I didn't think she really understood the permanency of the situation but I didn't think it was something she was dwelling on, either. So, I now have one child who thinks he's supposed to be the man of the house, one that is lost in an emotional abyss, and one who roams the house looking for the most precious "possession" she had and can't find it. I'm simply outnumbered and overwhelmed.
I saw a sign today that said, "Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone." All I can say is that I must really be living large right now because my comfort zone is so far behind me that I can't even remember it!
For tonight, I'm heading to bed to find some crazy Hulu sitcom to take my mind off of this mess. I'm sure Annie will not understand the "Do Not Disturb" sign if I put it on the door and she'll still demand to be let out of her cage at 6 a.m. sharp for breakfast! Ugh!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
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