Today was like a ginormous puzzle with pieces that kept getting moved around. I think some of the edge pieces even fell in the floor and got swept away. Whew. Here are a few snippets of the pieces from my day.
Piece 1
"Mama! I've got poopie. Gross! Mama! Poopie on my blanket!"
(Annie decided to change her own diaper this morning prior to getting out of bed)!
Piece 2
"I don't want to go to church. I don't have any friends. Some of the boys even wear more than one hat into the building!"
(Tears were included with this plea).
Piece 3
"Mama! Why are they not the same size?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Why aren't my boobs the same size?"
"What?"
"Look!"
(As I am temporarily blinded) "Um, that just happens as you grow!" (Then, I rush to Google it to make sure I didn't just lie to her because they definitely are NOT the same size)!
Piece 4
"Sorry! The toddler room is at capacity today. You can take her into service with you if you like."
(Um, yeah, I'd like to do that about as much as I'd like to have a root canal).
Once in the service, they were throwing beach balls around the auditorium prior to beginning. She thought this was great and a guy at the production table kept throwing them directly at her. When the prayer began, she says quite loudly,
"Mama, where are his balls? I wanna frow them again."
I don't think anyone around us heard a bit of the prayer after that. The giggling drowned out everything. This is why you should never take a two year old into a church service.
Piece 5
"Mom! Why didn't you wait at the corner for us like you said you would?"
(Duh! Because we were about to get run over by all of the traffic)!
"Ugh. I'll just go wait in the van!"
(As I think to myself, "Leave your attitude outside of the van so you don't soil the carpets")!
Piece 6
"Hey, where's your husband? I haven't seen him in a long time! Is he still working in Texas?"
"Yeah."
(Chuckling) "Boy, you sure could get into lots of trouble with him gone so much!"
"Yip"
"Maybe he's got a thing for that cow (insinuating Chick-fil-A I think) out there."
Thankfully, a car cut between us and I didn't have to volley another response.
Piece 7
"Mam, your card isn't reading. Do you have another card?"
"Um, NO!"
"Well, let me call my manager."
(As my anxiety begins to reach worrisome levels, the manager casually strolls over).
"Oh, you just ran it the wrong way. Use this button and not this one."
(Please don't leave trainees unattended until they are capable of handing a transaction without causing a mom to have a panic attack)!
Piece 8
"When last time you do nails? They look like monster toes!"
"Well, it's been a while but I thought I'd treat myself today."
"Whew! You definitely need DEEEEluxe pedicure to fix."
"Stick with the basic and I'll deal with my monster toes."
"You seeweeous?"
"Yes. I'm serious. I just want the basic pedicure. I'll come back before school starts and get them done again."
"You need more than two time to fix this!"
Piece 9
"Do blueberries stain?"
Piece 10
"Good night, sweet girl. Mama and Daddy love you."
"I wuv Mama and Daddy, too. Tomorrow, I ride in Daddy's truck and go swing and slide. OK?"
Piece 11
"Why are all of these clothes in the hamper again? I know you didn't wear them. I just folded them yesterday!"
"Oh. They were on the floor. I just thought they were dirty."
"No. Would you like to redo all of your laundry?"
"That's not fair! I didn't know that they were clean."
Piece 12
"Mama, I scared. Come get me!"
"Mama, I scared. Come get me. Hurreeeee!"
"What are you scared of?"
"I need to hold you. You rock me."
(She repeated this same tactic three more times before she finally gave up and went to sleep. And, yes, I fell for it all four times)!
Piece 13
"Mom? There's something wrong with my toilet. Some of the water spilled in the floor but I used the towel to dry it up. But, I tried to flush it again and it won't work."
"Was it stopped up before you flushed it the second, third, and fourth times?"
"I don't know. I didn't know it was filling up too much until my bottom got wet."
"Were you sitting on the toilet when it overflowed?"
"Yes."
"Are your pjs wet?"
"It's ok. I got a towel out of the closet and dried them off."
"Ok. Just let me have the towels so I can throw them in this load of laundry."
"I put one of the towels back in the closet because it wasn't all that wet."
Good night, folks! I'm tired of dealing with loose puzzle pieces today and really don't care to try putting the darn puzzle back together until I have the box to either put the pieces away neatly or I can see what the picture is supposed to look like!
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