Friday, July 15, 2011

Can You See Me Now?, Sloth from Goonies vs. Annie, and Crocodile Rock (and Roll)

So, I thought that I'd made my white flag quite evident. I staked it in the middle of the front yard just like Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin did on the moon. Obviously, there were a few folks who neglected to see it!

Dasha and I made it to the eye doctor this morning right on time thanks to Mom who volunteered to come watch Annie and Grant so I didn't have to drag them along. I had my exam first. No big deal. Since I'm diabetic, the exam is always very thorough and takes forever. While I finished up, the assistant got Dasha started with her exam. Two times the assistant came in the room and asked the doctor a question. I wanted to say, "Should I be worried?" But, I had no idea if they were even talking about Dasha. Sure enough, by the time the assistant brought Dasha into the exam room where I was finishing up, the doctor was primed and eager to see her file. I felt kind of like I got knocked onto the floor so they could get to Dasha but, hey, I was ready to be finished anyway!

As the doctor went through the drill of, "Which one is better, one or two?" I could see that she was bombing every line. Was she doing it on purpose? I kept my mouth shut and waited to see what happened. Finally, the doctor told the assistant that she was "right." By this point, I was squirming in my seat. What was going on? Finally, the doctor told me that his "old-fashioned" exam had confirmed what the assistant found to be true with the digital scans and other fancy technology. Dasha's vision had gotten a LOT worse. I'm not even sure of her final numbers but the doctor basically told me that he couldn't get her to 20/20 and 25/25 was going to be tough. Then, he continued to tell me that the scans detected some possible optical nerve damage (or something like that) and that we needed to see a pediatric specialist. Perfect. I'll just add that on to the psychologist, physical therapist, orthopedist, and neurologist. What's one more specialist? I have so many questions now that things have stopped swirling in my head and they're beginning to settle.

So, we needed to get new glasses, too. No biggie. We have vision insurance and our medical insurance also has vision coverage so we should be just fine. NOT! She had to have specialty lens to accommodate her prescription AND then could only choose from about 3 frames due to the thickness of those lenses. And then, there was the bill. Like I said, we have double coverage but, obviously, we needed more than that. I stood there speechless. It's not like we'd picked Coach frames and expensive lenses. I chose the cheapest lens there was and out of the frames she had to pick from, they were all covered at a $20 copay. It was the blasted lenses that blew the budget, though. What do you do? I don't have a credit card so it had to come out of the budget. She had to have them. Ouch. These are the things that I haven't figured out how to plan for yet.

So, I maintained control until we got to the van. I had a real storm drift over me. I didn't want Dasha to know that I was upset about the prices of the glasses or that I'd need to make another specialist appointment but man! I had a real "it's not fair" temper tantrum.

It passed, though, and we moved on with the day. We decided to head to the park to get some energy out. Considering that on the third time Annie got up last night, I just stashed her in my bed and she only had about a 30 minute nap, I was hoping to run her into oblivion! Nope!


She's like the freaking Energizer Bunny! She just doesn't slow down! So, everyone played and we walked around and petted the dogs at the dog park and just enjoyed the beautiful weather. The big kids even ran around and played. Grant and Dasha nearly killed each other multiple times, though, on this big swirly thing! I lost count of how many times Dasha went sailing through the air and landed with a thud in the wood chips. I told them to stop playing so rough but Dasha just yelled back that she was ok and just having fun!

Ride a horsey, ride a horsey, down to town...

Watch out horsey, don't fall DOWN! THUD!
Any guesses as to how many shots it took me to get this?
It didn't look fun to me! I think other parents were beginning to worry, though. However, when they saw Annie jumping off the top of the tallest towers, they diverted their worries to her and stopped judging my crappy parenting skills of the big kids!

When we got home, Grant brought the mail in as he usually does. He's gotten good at identifying bills and just puts those on my desk and hands me anything that's left. Today, he handed me an envelope with a familiar name and address. The card inside simply said that the included money was to cover counseling costs. Seriously? There was absolutely NO way that this person knew that I was going to get smacked with a major medical charge this morning and consider discontinuing counseling due to the cost factor. Wow. I haven't talked with this person in... months! When Grant saw me start crying again, he kept asking if he'd missed a bill. Poor kid! It's things like this that remind me that I have not been forgotten or forsaken and that God's hand is still there to guide me.

After a rousing dinner that no one cared for, we needed to escape the house again! The longer summer draws on, the less time we can all be confined with each other. By next Friday, we'll probably have to spend less than an hour a day in the house together! We'd seen a carnival on our first outing and decided to go and check it out. I didn't have a clue what the ticket prices were so I tried to prep the kids that this might simply be a drive-by! Of course, carnival workers are smarter than I am. There's no big sign out front listing prices and the ticket booth is right smack dab in the middle of everything. I thought about sending Grant into the crowd to check the prices but after seeing some of the very interesting people walking around, I started to second guess even getting out of the car at all! However, by this time, Annie had seen the lights and glitter and was coming unglued to get out! We piled out and headed toward the ticket booth. The tickets were $1 EACH and there wasn't a single ride that only took one ticket! Most rides took 3 or 4 tickets! Are you kidding me? If these characters are bank rolling this kind of money, why in the world don't they... get a haircut, get their teeth fixed, buy some clean clothes? OK. That was mean and didn't have an ounce of grace in it but I was a little alarmed at some of the carnival employees. I kid you not, one guy started trying to entice the kids to come play a game with rubber ducks in a pool. Of course, Annie saw the set up and went charging ahead. When the guy looked up, he had one eye pointing in one direction and the other pointing in the other. I had flashbacks of Sloth from The Goonies and that crazy guy from Happy Gilmore! I'm seriously not trying to be mean but this was a rough looking crowd. Poor Annie came running straight back for me when she saw the situation. (In retrospect, that bothers me. She really hasn't been conditioned to what "normal" looks like so what scared her)? Anyway, the kids decided to give up their eating out money for the weekend in exchange for tickets. I tried to reason with them and help them do the math but it was impossible. They were overtaken with the flashing lights and thoughts of puking happily after being spun into oblivion! So, $20 bought 20 tickets for 4 of us. It was impossible to find something that we could all do together and the things that Grant wanted to do, I couldn't very well leave Annie and Dasha unattended to do with him so he kind of got the shaft.

When the tickets were gone, we were too! It was beginning to get more crowded and I was seriously beginning to get leery of the patrons. What was it that gave me the "uh-oh feeling?" I'm not sure. I just didn't feel safe. Strangers were talking to us and asking us for extra tickets and then asking us for money and it just made me feel uneasy. So, we left.

I still wasn't ready to go home and face the thought of being locked up with these animals for the remainder of the night. I remembered that the local church was having a family fun night with a movie so we headed that way. (And, this one was free)! It was quite a different crowd, too. The kids enjoyed bounce houses and balloon creations. However, when I told Annie it was time to get out of the bounce house, she threw the worst fit that she's ever thrown! She went limp at first as she was screaming like a caged wild animal. Then, she started doing that crazy crocodile roll like she'd chomped down on her prey and was trying to drown it. Except, I was the prey and I was about to drop her. I left Dasha and Grant in the balloon creature line and took her to the van. Grant NEVER threw a fit like this!!! I didn't know what to do! I couldn't reason with her or even get her to calm down! I put her into her car seat and buckled her in. In my mind, it was like a legal straight jacket and it was keeping me from squeezing the life out of her!


The big kids eventually showed up with their balloon outfits (OK, Grant didn't partake and was mortified that Dasha had). However, Annie hit the replay button on her tantrum skills when she saw what Dasha had. That was another melt down!

Here's what Dasha did to make her stop crying. Believe me, I didn't authorize this take over. I was trying to get my purse and camera off of the pavement where I'd left them when I nearly dropped Annie while getting her in her seat. Whew! We laugh about Annie getting whatever she wants but it's becoming a big problem. The big kids want to help out and keep her happy so they simply give her anything she screams for. Argh! She's a monster! After meltdown two, we (I) decided not to stay for the movie. The big kids were disappointed but there's no way Annie would have survived another two hours! Next week, they're doing the same sort of thing so we can go again with a better plan.

Now, Annie is in bed asleep. I was so worried that after I put her in my bed at 3:00 this morning that she'd demand repeat sleeping accommodations. Hopefully, she'll sleep through the night, though! At one point last night, she woke up crying and wasn't really even completely awake. She kept saying something about Swiper taking her toys. Great. No more Dora!

Today brought unexpected trials but also unexpected blessings. I'm still sifting through the damage that this morning's storm left in my soul. More realizations and the seeming dead end of acceptance are what cloud the skies tonight. No one ever promised me that life was going to be easy but this is getting almost comic! It's moments like this morning when well meaning folks say stupid things like, "God never gives you more than you can handle." My reply to that would have been, "Hey, didn't you see the white flag flying? I already admitted that I can't handle it anymore and I'm crumbling!" Geez! And while I can't even begin to express all of my gratitude for the financial help and other gifts of service, there's nothing that can replace having a help-mate to walk life's journey with - especially when dealing with a special needs child. It was a hard walk for two of us. It's nearly crushing on my own. However, it's a responsibility that we accepted so...

On a brighter note, the kids did enjoy their carnival experience and had quite a funny conversation about what would possess anyone to want to live that kind of life. We're all heading to bed with some fun memories from the day. Grant detailing hawk spiders and then swinging Dasha off of the monkey bars. Dasha realizing that she had boobs and couldn't get the balloon outfit off by sliding it over her head without popping the balloons on her, um, balloons. Annie learning to walk across the suspension bridge instead of scooting on her butt. These are all little things that I'm thankful for being part of today. Tomorrow, Grant and I will head to his camp out while my mom takes warden duty over the girls. I'm not sure who is getting the better deal! I'm hoping that this gorgeous weather will stick around for tomorrow so I won't roast on the lake! Pooh!

Good night.

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