Lions, Tigers, and Tilex Fumes

Never mind Atlanta traffic, the road rage along this section of the way was ridiculous!

I'm too sexy for this window... peck, peck, peck! Little girl, little girl, let me in!

Do.. you.. have... FOOD? We just want a little nibble!

This sack of awesomeness scratched my van and, yes, that snot streak is STILL on my window!

Hey, mom, don't look behind you but there's a goat climbing up your door! (Girly screaming ensues like never before)!

This guy was like a meth addict. He couldn't get enough!

This animal enjoyed feeding the other beasts via the sunroof. She hadn't prepared for the fact that the giraffe could reach her!

Mama! Look! It's a reindeer! Is this where Santa lives?

Got milk? Nope! Eat Mor Chikin.

Will all animals please return to their appointed cages?

This was an impromptu trip to Pine Mountain, GA on Friday.  The thought of being trapped up all weekend with these animals made me crazy enough to strap them into the van and hurl myself down 75, 85, and 185 at the prompting of that sexy voice coming from the GPS. (Heck, he could tell me to go anywhere and I might follow... Please take a left into the ocean... glug, glug, glug). Anyway, I knew I didn't want to try to haul all three kids around Six Flags or White Water so this was the result of my desperation. The older kids had been here before but Annie was absolutely astounded. When we first crossed into the safari area (I always feel like I'm entering Jurrasic Park), several buffaloes descended on us like they hadn't eaten in weeks. Annie was so startled that she started screaming like someone was taking her last piece of chocolate (synonymous with bloody murder). I was terrified that she'd do that for the remainder of the journey through the park. You are literally stuck in your vehicle unless you plan on becoming one with the wild animals. (As a side note, after seeing all of the inbred animals out there, that was plenty to keep the doors locked and everyone inside the vehicle)! Annie did warm back up to the whole notion of having wild animals grope about the van begging for food. She watched everyone else throw the hard pellets of food out the sun roof and the windows. We quickly found out that she'll never be a baseball player. Every pellet she hurled, ended up bouncing off the glass and back at one of us. On more than one occasion, I expected Grant to say, "Mom, I've had enough. I'm throwing HER out the window!"

After you drive through the main park, there's a small area to walk around with monkeys, lions, tigers.. oh, wait, that should have been lions, and tigers, and bears! There were even ligers. Napoleon Dynomite would be so proud. (See, remember what I said about inbreeding)? There was a large cage with a few wolves inside and Annie asked Dasha if the wolves would blow us. After a few moments, we all realized that she'd ducked back into fantasy land and was worried that one of the wolves was THE Big Bad Wolf! Whew! We all got quite a laugh.

Beyond that adventure, the long weekend was quiet. I had some therapy of my own which really helped me get my butt back in gear. No, I did not go shopping. I moved furniture. Move a piano a few times and see how quickly you calm yourself down! :) I also tried out a new cooking method where you cook components of a whole bunch of meals and then freeze them so you can throw everything into the crock pot or oven for a quick meal at night. I was semi-successful with that endeavor, too. I'd only used a waffle iron a few times but I became a complete champ at making the world's ugliest waffles after making several dozen. (Why can't they put bumpers on those waffle irons to keep the extra goo from oozing out? That would have saved me a whole lot of clean up)! I admit that I started cheering for myself as I ladled the batter onto the iron in hopes that I'd be able to produce an Ego type product. Never happened but those waffles sure do taste good. Good thing. We'll be eating them for the next month! :) Add lasagna, spaghetti pie, veggie soup, ham and bean soup, corn bread, stuffed peppers, shredded bbq beef, garlic chicken, baked oatmeal, and broccoli rice muffins to the mix and you have our next month's worth of meals... hopefully. If not, I guess we'll be eating Cheerios (again). After all of that drama, you can toss in mowing / edging the yard, cutting Grant's hair (I'll spare the details because I don't think I could retell this story without vulgarities), and cleaning the nooks and crannies.

Side note: Remember that snake poison I bought to take care of the Slitherin house in the back yard? Well, one of my dear family members decided to help in the execution. I'm not sure he read the directions on the bottle. You were supposed to sprinkle the granules at the edge of the yard on day one and then work your way back toward your abode. This way, you wouldn't end up trapping any unwelcome visitors under the deck. (I can see both ways of doing this but when all else fails, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS)! So, the entire bottle was dispensed in the back yard. It's very toxic. The fumes started seeping into the house. It smelled like moth balls. However, by this time, the "helper" had left the premises and gone back home to render havoc there. Ugh. I love him dearly but... Anyway, I haven't seen my fork tongued nemesis anymore but I'm still not mowing under that hedge any more!

Other side note: (I guess that would make this a parallelogram of sorts). When I said that I cleaned MY house, I meant it. Somehow, the ghost of Martha Stewart overtook me at some point and I was inspired to mop under sofas, clean showers with toothbrushes, and even sweep out the laundry room. When mom showed up, I just knew that for the first time ever, she'd be able to chat with me or play with the kids without getting a twitch from the mess. Nope. Do you know that this crazy lady actually carries a bucket of cleaning supplies in her trunk? She felt the need to get on her hands and knees in my bathroom and scrub the linoleum. Really? I swept it and even Swiffered it. Hands and knees? Then, she proceed toward my tub. I pleaded with her to leave it alone. My nose was still burning from the Tilex I'd used hours earlier. I started to offer her a sniff of my hands to prove that I'd used a cleanser up to her caliber of cleanliness. But, no. It wasn't the tub she wanted. It was Annie's toys. She actually cleaned all of the cups and toys that Annie plays with. I think my mom has a secret addition that is borne of Tilex fumes and propels her to clean with passion that no other human could understand. Once again, I love her dearly, too, but...

So, after a day of almost being sniped by Rid-A-Snake fumes and Tilex, plus trying to live up to one or two pages in a Martha Stewart Day Timer (minus the part about being behind bars), I was exhausted. However, when I crashed into my bed, I felt my blood sugar plummet. Great. I knew that I'd been very active and hadn't eaten much throughout the day so I figured a quick PB&J would fix the problem. Nope. About four hours later and a carb binge on cookies, OJ, and even chocolate chips, my blood sugar was still way too low. I'll admit that it really sucks to eat like that and not be able to enjoy the indulgence at all. Geez. So, by Sunday morning, I realized things were getting dicey and I left Grant in charge of the girls and took myself to urgent care. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have driven and maybe I should have asked for some help but... Oh well. Urgent care gave me an injection of glucose (none too gentle, either). Waited. Checked my numbers and then wanted me to go on to the hospital. Um, no can do! I just left my three kids at home and my back up is somewhere wondering an antiques mall in north GA. (At least that's what they said. Dad was probably looking for more snakes and mom probably had the Tilex locked and loaded and ready to spray them in the eyes). So, I begged for another solution. Another injection. Geez. The nurse on duty obviously wasn't happy to be at work Sunday morning or she'd had a knock down drag out fight with her hubby. She was out to injure. After waiting for a bit longer, she checked my numbers again and the doctor let me slink out with a prescription for an "emergency" dose of glucose (or whatever the brand name is). I was told to check my numbers every hour and then wean back to two and three hour intervals. Did I mention that I hadn't slept and there were three kids locked up back at the ranch? Anyway, I guess it's pretty obvious that I survived the incident. I've got an appointment to see a man about a horse... oh, wait... wrong movie. But, I'm going to get my meds tuned up and see what the heck is going on. The "what if" factor is too scary to really even think about on this one.

So, tomorrow I'm back to work and the kids are all headed back to their appointed correctional facilities. While it was a very productive weekend, I'm exhausted and thankful that it'll be a four day week. (Never mind that all three kids have curriculum night on Thursday night at the same time. Hmmmm... Anyone have a legit cloning device? How do I choose which one to go to? Eenie, meenie, miney, moe...). Oh well.

Hope everyone had a restful long weekend.

Night, all.