Majority of my screws are loose and broken

11:00 p.m. until 5:00 a.m. - Thing 3 alternated between crying hysterically, whining, and digging her toes in my ribs. I'm still not sure what her exact problem was but she definitely didn't feel great! (I didn't feel so hot, either, after having her as a bed buddy! I've gotten used to sharing my bed with piles of laundry, not wiggly little people).

On my way to work at 6:30 a.m., I hear something similar to a flat tire. I kept driving because I was within 1/4 mile of school. Got to school and the tires weren't flat. I was so proud of my detective skills and for knowing what to say when I called the professionals to report the problem. I thought someone had stolen my lug nuts. (See, watching all of those episodes of Tool Time came in handy)! Actually, the screws for 3 of the 5 thingys had sheared off. The sound I heard was the wheel coming OFF the van. Nice. Anyone want to count the blessings with me that the whole thing didn't go to pieces while I was barreling down I-75 at 80 mph? The message from my dad (the professional) went something like this, "Hey, I stopped by the school and just took one screw from each of the other tires and put them into the missing spots. Just be careful driving home and don't go over 40. If you hear that noise again, STOP! I'll stop by Nissan and get the right screws to fix it tonight." Gotta love my dad! If duct tape won't fix it, never worry. He'll just use some old rags covered with toxic slime to hold it all together!

This Thing seemed to feel better despite that she looked like a slug had crawled all over her face and left snot trails. She got a dose of Benadryl and some good old Vicks Vap-O-Rub and an early bed time.

Put Thing 3 to bed and returned to my bed to find that Barbie peed on my bed after her bath. I love sleeping in wet puddles left by Barbie. Ugh.

After drying up the pee, Thing 2 piled in my bed with a worksheet on integers that she needed help with. After thinking seriously about banging my head on the wall and then deciding that I didn't want to patch the sheet rock, I did the sheet for her. What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner. That was the punch line for the joke after you added and subtracted a bunch of decimals and integers, rounded them, and then matched them up. I hope I get an A. I also hope I'm going to get a good grade on the middle eastern map quiz that I've been prepping for and the book report that's due on Friday. Dasha simply can't handle all of this. What am I teaching her by helping / doing it for her? I guess I'm teaching her that I'm still pretty darn good at math and even geography and even thought it's been years since I read The Giver, I can still fake anything.

Thing 1 then returns from scouts with a grocery list and recipes for this weekend's camping trip and informs me that he has hours of homework to do. He then took Thing 2s place in my bed and started making demands of me. I don't think so. You get to do your own homework man cub! I've already done your sister's and now I have my own to do!

The things I have to be thankful for today - the wheel miraculously staying on my van, Cosby show on TV Land, slushies from QT, Benadryl, someone leaving a cup of red Jello in my mailbox at school, and a king sized bed with room for the entire family to pile in.

I'm done for the night. This has been a very long day. I'm dreaming of being in a luxurious hotel on some secluded beach where I can sleep as long as I want without anyone digging their toes into my ribs at the crack of dawn or calling for me to wipe them (nose or butt). I love my spawn dearly but I need a break before being caged up with them next week all week long! Oh, I'm awake now. I slipped into that delirious dream again.

Good night, all.