Fail. Tried to help Dasha with the Judy Blume book report. She forgot the book at school so I downloaded it to my Kindle. Pretty smart, eh? Never mind that I just spent money that I didn't have for a book that she won't read. Anyway, as we filled out the graphic organizers to write the essay, one of the paragraphs had to be about an interesting fact from the book. When I asked Dasha about this, she said, "Sex." After I calmly put the pencil down and stopped imagining it as a lightening bolt, I asked her what she meant. She went on to tell me that Judy Blume wrote books to help girls and boys understand sex. Yeah, I remember the whole taboo deal with reading Are You There God, It's Me Margaret. But, why has Dasha not retained anything except that Judy Blume had been divorced twice and writes about sex? When I asked Dasha what sex was, she said, "You know. It's when boys and girls start liking each other. Like me and Andrew." The M&Ms that I had resorted to crunching down on to keep myself calm all just got stuck in my throat and time froze. Do I ask more specific questions or just wait for her to say something? I don't want to lead her to say something she doesn't mean but.... I finally asked her how she and Andrew had anything to do with sex. (Andrew is the kid that in her last period class where there are only two students and a teacher). Her reply, "That's what we do." Look, I just finished a major blog post about how I'm struggling here. This is NOT what I can handle tonight. That whole crap about God won't give you more than you can handle is malarkey. I didn't know whether to run from the table, up the stairs, to my bed, and hide under the covers or sit there and wait for her to elaborate. I didn't have the energy or the faith in my legs to hold steady to run. I waited. She finally said, "Andrew and I are kind of like sex. We like each other and are friends. Sometimes he even carries my books and helps me." I want the 4-1-1 on this Andrew kid. I've avoided any conversations with Dasha about sex. Heck, she can't even remember to put deodorant on and still streaks naked down the hall without one thought of modesty. What am I supposed to say? Do I have to address this now? A freaking Judy Blue biography just put me in a position that I really can't handle right now. (When I scrolled through the book, there were many references to Blume's writings about teen sex and how controversial her books were at the time).
Seriously, people. If you have any connections with the owner of this ride that I'm stuck on, would you please forward my S.O.S. to them?
The book report will not get done tonight. The teachers can think whatever they want to about me and my parenting skills. Whatever. Maybe I'll just leave Dasha at the sitter with Annie tomorrow. I hate this journey! I don't like this path! I'm feeling a bit like I took the road less traveled in the yellow woods but now I want to go back and change my mind. Never mind what a difference it might make! I want to be on a nicely paved path where I can see where I'm going and maybe even have someone along with me to help carry me when I trip and fall or get too tired to keep going! AAAHHHHHH!!!!!
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