5:30 a.m. - "Mama, what that noise? Mama? Wake up Mama! I hear the birds."
6:20 a.m. - "Mama, I wanna take my blocks to Miss 'Tima's house." No problem until all gazillion of them spill across the sidewalk while trying to get everyone to the car.
7:00 a.m. - "Oh, Mom! I forgot! I need more lunch money!" Perfect timing since I don't have any cash or my checkbook!
7:01 a.m. - "Mom? I forgot to get some of those things from the box at home and I don't have any in my bag." Well, now. I don't have any of those things in my purse so I guess I'll go try to barter crayons for pads.
7:15 a.m. - "Bye, Mom! Wish me luck! I'm going to learn about S E X today." Yep. He got my attention with that one! I'd forgotten that it was sex ed day.
7:30 a.m - bell rings and students enter
7:45 a.m. - "Ms. Randolph? I just can't stop itching." As I gingerly look around to see what body part is being scratched, yep, it's the part that kids normally complain about being itchy if it's not clean! Ugh. I managed to say something like, "Did you tell your mom about this before you got on the bus this morning?" The kid looked at me bewildered and said, "No way!" Seriously? I don't know if I should feel privlidged or degraded. (I talked with mom a bit later to find out that he's on meds for a yeast infection. I didn't know boys could get those)!
8:00 - 2:30 p.m. - Thankfully, pretty uneventful but productive and fun all at the same time.
3:10 p.m. - As I pick Annie up from the sitter's house, "Mama's here! Look what I made for you!" She handed over a car made from bristle blocks. Seriously? She's 2 years old! When I told her we needed to hurry and leave, she hugged the other little boy and gave him a kiss on the cheek. It was quite sweet until my warped mind fast forwarded about 15 years and replayed the scene! Ugh!
3:40 p.m. - "Mom, do you know what a stiffy, wood, and a long dong are?" At that point, I had two choices, play completely dumb and blow it all off or act wise beyond my years and mortify him with some other names that he could add to the category. I went with the second option and got the reaction I wanted - a completely mortified 11 year old! Timeless! I did revisit the conversation with him to find out more about what he'd learned in sex ed today. I was very thankful that his band director was the point of redelivery for the information and that the group he was with was pretty tame. I do admit, though, that I love those moments when I can completely shock him into thinking that maybe I'm not SO old that I don't know anything at all!
4:00 p.m. - "Mom, don't you have a code to use to get my social studies book online?" I limply drug myself to the office and riffled around in the file cabinet to give her a solid, "Nope!" She stomped off toward the table. (These new floors make everything ten times louder so it sounded as if a herd of elephants was trekking through the house)! I followed the herd to figure out what drama was about to unfold. So, tonight, she didn't bring her social studies book home and chose not to fill her agenda out because she "didn't have time." Hmmm.... My sassy retort was, "Maybe I just don't have time to feed you dinner tonight." Ok. Not so mature and not very appropriate for a mommy but I was tired and didn't want drama. Without missing a beat, Dasha sassed back, "Well, maybe I don't want any dinner!" Lamze breathing was never handy during child birth but I've found it quite useful when trying to convince yourself to slow down and walk away. In retrospect, my response to her sure wasn't very loving or caring and I guess she simply responded in like nature. Put another gold star on my chart, please!
6:00 p.m. - "Grant, go get your uniform on. Papa will be here in just a minute to take you to scouts." Once again, I was met with stomping. I'm going to have to start some sort of marching band or step group to give all of these stompers a constructive outlet for their stomping! OOOOOHHHH! I just figured it out! I need rolls and rolls of bubble wrap! They could just stomp their little hearts out popping the bubbles! (I shock myself with my Solomon-like wisdom sometimes)! Anyway, Grant did go get his uniform on but then informed me that he needed quite a bit of money for some stuff at school. Really? I might as well just let the county divert my paycheck to the middle school! Oh well.
6:15 p.m. - As we're eating dinner, Dasha is literally sitting with her mouth hanging open letting mac n' cheese dribble out. It was like watching some sort of mental patient eat! My conversation with her began something like, "Dasha, when you see other kids at school eating like animals, what do you think in your head?" (Note, the whole time, I'm hoping that she keeps those thoughts in her head and doesn't say them aloud). She responded to me with a questioning look, "I think they are gross!" Ok. At least she recognizes what table manners should NOT look like. I responded with, "What do you think other people think about YOU when they see you eating like that?" She just sat and stared at me. I didn't know if she'd even heard me. She just had a blank look. I finally asked, "Do you ever think about how other people see you?" She finally answered, "No." She was serious. She absolutely lives in her own bubble without any worry of those around her. I guess, in a way, that's a blessing but there are some definite positive things about peer pressure. - like Grant deciding that showering isn't such a bad thing when other kids begin to notice your stench! Anyway, it's moments of realization like tonight that I just wonder what the future will hold for Dasha. She's 13 and oblivious to what others think about her. Wow. That explains a lot but also gives me quite a bit to ponder!
7:30 p.m. - "Mama, I don't need a bath tonight. I don't smell like a pig." Oops. I guess she'd overheard my pleas to Grant about showering a few too many times! Ok, yeah, I admit. I didn't bathe her. Bathing her is like trying to bathe a wild cat with 15 arms and legs! She's fine until you get her hair and face wet. Then, she's like a little Gremlin bursting out of its pod! In fact, she gets crazy enough to be the gang leader, Stripe!
8:00 p.m. - "Dasha, I asked you to get a bath while I got Annie ready for bed. What happened?" The girl looked at me and said (this is verbatim), "I decided that I'd rather just read for now and get a bath later on when I feel like it!" Once again, Lamaze breathing saved me from a night in lock up at the Cherokee County Sheriff's office! Where has the compliant, sweet girl gone?
8:30 p.m. - "Mama, I scared. I want in your bed! You cuddle me now!" Crap, crap, and more crap! The girl is persistent and conniving. (Maybe you can't / shouldn't really call a 2 year old conniving). I told her that we weren't going to my bed and that I'd rock her and read her another book. Of course, she picks the worst Dr. Seuss book ever written for me to read to her - There's a Wocket in my Pocket. I hate that book! I would gladly read Caps for Sale, Old Hat, New Hat, or even If You Give a Moose a Muffin (or a Mouse a Cookie or a Cat a Cupcake - basically - don't give animals human food)! Anyway, the read was worth it. She actually fell asleep right in my lap and started snoring before I'd finished the book. It was the kind of sleep where they just go limp and you have to carefully put them into bed for fear of an arm or leg getting twisted up under them. I admit that once she fell asleep, I rocked her quite a while longer. It's one of those things that I won't be able to do with her forever. (Good grief. The thought of me trying to put Grant in my lap and rock him is just hysterical. Ugh - especially after his questions this afternoon).
9:00 p.m. - "Mom, how do twins form and why are sperm called tadpoles?" This was a complete sneak attack. There was no warning before he lobbed this at me. Maybe it was his way of paying me back for my earlier response to his question in the car. I was able to answer the last part of his question without any problem. (I didn't know quite how much he knew so I started off very vague but he kept asking for more details). I did my best to answer the first question based on what I'd learned in Mrs. Pittman's biology class back in high school. Heaven help me! If I'm struggling to answer these questions for him at 11, what am I going to be telling him at 18? Do they make a "Puberty for Dummies" book? I figured it was a good time to debrief about what he'd learned today, as well, though since we were already on the subject. I was glad to hear that they'd been told to "keep it in your pants" but not thrilled with the "here are ways to hide your ------ (multiple choice of vocabulary after our earlier conversation)." Maybe this is a good conversation to have with a boy. It's sure not one that I would have ever thought to have. I got quite a chuckle when he explained the different ways of keeping out of control objects (um, I guess that would be an object - not plural) off of the radar. This conversation led back to matters of the heart and he shared what he was thinking with and processing right now. He never fails to amaze me with the depth of his understanding. There were several moments when I had to call a time-out just so I could process what he'd said. He likes to talk in metaphors and similes. It's like trying to have a heart-to-heart conversation with Socrates. At one point, I wanted to cry out, "Must. Stop. Energy. Levels. Depleted. Brain. Hurts. Must. Rest." Geesh! Anyway, my heart breaks for him because he truly "gets" so much of what's going on right now. I finally sent Socrates off for a shower. He's been in the shower quite a while. I don't dare go near the bathroom for fear of what might be going on, though. How am I supposed to deal with this? I'm in foreign territory where I don't know the rules of engagement and I feel like I'm going to take a bullet to the chest at any moment! Ugh! Boys are so weird!
10:45 p.m. - I'm heading to bed having successfully procrastinated and can now justify that it's too late to clean up the kitchen or finish grading papers. I stink at time management. I've got to get this figured out. The moment I have the kids situated and have my first free moments of the day, I just feel like doing nothing productive! Oh well.
I did not delete last night's post as I'd planned to do. In a few weeks, I want to be able to look back on last night as a turning point - a defining moment. Last night, the light that has been flickering on and off in my brain stayed lit. The light is on and I'm definitely home. I am a person of worth whether he wants me or not. My kids are worth fighting for and so am I. I will not go down with the ship. In the words of Annie, "Argh! I'm a pirate!" (I won't be calling any pirates "One Eyed Willy" after my discussion with Grant, though)!!!!!!
Good night, all!
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