Speed blogging... I must clear my head and try to trap all of the thoughts in one place for now and this seems like the best cage to house these random thoughts.
- I do not have the skill set needed to parent a tweenage boy. Skyping with girls, asking to go on a "date" this weekend, and my realization that he doesn't have a clue what it means to treat a girl like a princess. Maybe I'm overreacting but...
- I do not have the skill set needed to parent a teenage special needs girl, either! The stealing, lying, and defiance have all reached beyond my level of expertise or patience. I haven't found any clinician yet who is willing to help me determine what's related to CP and what's related to her beginnings in the orphanage. And, to top it off, she shows little to no remorse when this crap hits the fan each night.
- And heaven knows that I do not have the skill set needed to parent a divalicious toddler! I'm trying so hard. Over the last few months, I've stepped up my game with her but... she... wears... me... out! Simply keeping up with her can fray the few nerves I have that still function.
- Relationship status isn't something kids understand, especially where the girls are concerned. Where is he? Why isn't he here? "Because," only cuts it for so long. Dating with kids in tow deserves an entire book not just a bulleted point. Accountability? Integrity? Yep. Not a problem when there are six little beady eyes watching you! :) Anyway...
- Some won't understand the next point at all... Ever had the feeling that you have to do something? I don't normally go to Sunday night services but I knew I needed to tonight. I played Speedy Gonzalez and got all of my school business taken care of this afternoon and then decided to let Grant be the babysitter and reign over the girls while I went to church. My take away from the service, "If you're not heading into your mission field tomorrow morning, you aren't in His will." Yep. That's lodged like a darn pea underneath my mattress. A grain of sand in the guts of my oyster. This entire year, I've been restless with school. For the last 15 years, I've called my class room my "mission field" without hesitation. I knew exactly what I was supposed to be doing and why (intrinsically - never mind the extrinsic stuff like paperwork and red tape). This year... I don't know. Restless is the only word I can put on it right now but right next to that restlessness, I now have the "pea of knowledge" lodged begging to be dealt with. However, dealing with anything of significance is sort of hard in this house. Heck, peeing in peace is hard in this house! I've had some other ideas about what I want to be when I grow up but I keep putting limitations on those thoughts - finances, convenience, safety, security. Who knows. It's definitely food for thought but this food is going to have to simmer for a while. This isn't the kind of food like the Cheerios between the couch cushions. This is the stuff that you check and double check like some Martha Stewart dish that has 50 ingredients that Publix doesn't carry and requires a trip to Harry's!
- Anyway, I'm trying to figure out some time for ME. Life is moving at warp speed and I feel like the speed is being determined by how fast I'm running to try to catch up! I keep having this vision of the treadmill throwing me off into oblivion! I think about sneaking away to a cabin in the forest or a cottage on the beach for a day or two, but honestly, I'm not sure I'd know what to do. I get scared when I go to the bathroom alone at school. I fear that I'm in the Twilight Zone if someone isn't commentating on my business or screaming about getting Barbie's hair stuck in the Velcro on the other inmate's shoe.
This princess is heading to bed knowing darn well that the pea is still there and it won't simply disappear when I call for a squire to come and remove it. It will be there until I deal with it. I wonder if those fancy Tempurpedic mattresses can shield the pain of peas?
Good night, all!
No comments:
Post a Comment