Spanx Boot Scootin Boogie

Speed blogging for the night...

5:15 a.m. Alarm goes off and I wonder if I even slept. Annie did the feverish whine noise all night long. I started to put her in the bed with me but knew she'd sleep better in her own bed.

6:30 a.m. Drop kids at various locations and try to figure out if I'm nauseous or just exhausted.

7:00 a.m. Hello, Monday morning! Text from the sitter tells me that Annie still isn't feeling great. I know that I need to take the day off but feel guilty and don't want to give up my last day with a sub. I was hoping to go to Annie's Farm Day. Dang it. Oh well. 

7:30 a.m. I tell administration that I need a sub. They say to split my class up between the other seven teachers. No comment. I guess I won't be leaving until noon, then.

Noon  I split 24 kids 7 ways for lunch, recess, and science. One begins to cry because she is scared and don't know the teacher that I'm sending her to. Problem 623 - Leave someone else's baby alone, scared, and crying or go get my own baby who is sick. Ugh. I calmed the little one down and got her settled and went for my own child. Dang. I still feel a little hiccup in my heart when I think about leaving the little girl. What if that had been my child? This whole situation with subs stinks! I head to pick Annie up and the teacher tells me that they have Fried Funnel cakes for the letter F. They also fried Oreos. Oh my. If I see fried funnel cakes or Oreos later on in piles 'o puke... ugh.

1:00 p.m. I've retrieved Annie and she demands nuggets and mac and cheese from Chick-fil-A. Mac and cheese? Seriously? That's what she puked up yesterday. I really don't want to see any sort of yellow slimy noodle for quite a while. However, she had not eaten in hours so I staked out my pole position in the brand new double drive through at Chick-fil-A that customers definitely don't know how to navigate yet despite the hostess' instructions. Argh. One kid's meal with mac and cheese instead of fries, please. Thank you. My pleasure.

1:30 p.m. One nugget eaten and mac and cheese is now sitting and congealing into a cold bowl shaped mass. All of that for one nugget. Nap time. Annie takes herself to bed and proclaims that she needs a nap to make her tummy feel better. She starts reading her books which normally means that she will not be napping.

1:45 p.m. UPS delivers the new outfit that I ordered for my speaking engagement. (Yes, I accepted the request and I'm going to step WAY out of my comfort zone)! I tear into the package and spill the contents, a skirt and a pair of Spanx to keep everything in the skirt. Don't act surprised! You know you wear the same stuff. So, I figured that while Annie was confined to her bed reading that I'd try it on. I pulled the skirt on with doing the wresting match with the Spanx only to be mortified at the sight in the mirror. Holy smokes! Let's just say that without the Spanx, I'd be nothing more than Jello girl sporting a brown skirt. Yikes! On with the Spanx. The donning of Spanx has to be the absolutely least lady-like activity anyone could do. I think it could actually become an Olympic sport! It takes determination, know how, and persistence. I'm not kidding when I tell you that I double checked the size on the package when I pulled those suckers out of the package. They looked about the same size as Annie's undies. Really? Nonetheless, I summoned my courage and started the event. I got one leg in and then sat on the bed and burst out laughing. This had to be a joke. There was only a tiny bit of fabric left and I was supposed to fit an entire leg and another butt cheek into that thing. Ok. I had to keep my eye on the goal and keep going. So, I assumed the position on the bed that you use to zip jeans when things don't seem to be fitting and I started trying to shimmy and pull those things up. Once again, I was so thankful that there wasn't anyone in the house to witness this wrestling match. I felt like a sumo wrestler being squeezed into a paper towel tube. However, I eventually emerged victorious. Somehow, I got those things to cover what they were supposed to but I realized that the application of the Spanx had created "problem areas" in other regions. Yeah, the areas covered by the Spanx were sucked in and wouldn't bulge out from under the skirt but all of that extra stuffing has to go somewhere. In this case, it spilled right out the top of the Spanx. Not good. I kind of felt like a tube of toothpaste that had been squeezed and then left on the counter. (Never mind not being able to breathe. That's nothing new to anyone that has ever worn some sort of garment like this). There's absolutely no way that this whole outfit was going to come together on the foundation built by those Spanx. Muffin top really didn't even cover the state of affairs in this situation. Oh well. I admitted defeat and mustered my courage to try to take the darn things off. The minute I was free of them and could breath again, it's like those things just magically shrunk back up to a toddler size in a mocking gesture. Oh well. I guess I'll be looking for another outfit this weekend that won't require me to feel like a can of biscuits ready to explode from the tube. I don't have any idea why I just posted that whole scene for others to read. However, I'm quite sure that I'm not the only one who has ever done the Spanx Boot Scootin Boogie.

3:45 p.m. By this time, Annie has joined me in my room with a pile of books and asked me to read every single one of them. I oblige her wishes. It's so rare that I have any time alone with her. She's growing up more and more every day and I feel like the moment I blink, she's learned something new and needs me less and less. The girl can dress herself and even picks out her own clothes now.

4:45 p.m. The big kids are delivered home. I do a double check of everyone's grades and assignments online and see that Grant is missing several assignments and grades drop on Wednesday. Great. I don't have the energy to battle the beast but it's a necessary evil. When I call him to confront him, he's completely complacent. What in the world? My straight A child has a C and two low Bs and doesn't care. Who is this child? In the words of Major Payne, "Seems what we have here is a failure to communicate!" Dasha is failing her technology class but I've known that for weeks and I just don't care. That's a battle that I've pushed to the side. Argh.

6:00 p.m. I bribe Annie to eat Teddy Grahams by putting them in a bowl on the floor and pretending she's a puppy. Really? This is something that you only do with a 3rd child. I would have never done this with Grant. However, she ate a handful of crackers and drank some ginger ale so maybe she'll sleep better with a little something in her tummy.

6:45 p.m. I ship Grant off to scouts. He's suddenly interested in scouts more because he may have a chance to work at a summer camp. I'm not sure how I feel about him being gone for three weeks. That's something to worry about much later.

7:45 p.m. I'm attempting to revamp my lesson plans - AGAIN. Why is this so challenging this year? I just can't seem to find the right groove. I've spend too much money buying new resources that don't solve the issues and I feel like I'm just not being effective. 

8:00 p.m. I'm calling it quits and crawling into bed a with a book for the night. Wait a minute. I still haven't laid out clothes or packed lunches or signed agendas. Guess not. Just kidding.

Good night, all.