2nd Annual Randolph Lawn Freak Show

Here's the run down for today...

• 5:55 a.m. - Mom, I'm sick. I can't go to school.
• 6:15 a.m. - If you plan on riding to school and not walking, get up NOW!
• (This coming from the child who spent the weekend on a ship with a bunch of other scouts in Charleston and is extremely sleep deprived).
• 6:20 a.m. - Mom, did you realize that Annie doesn't have any pants on?
• (Um, we've already pulled out of the drive way so she'll just have to go "as is" today).
• 10:30 a.m. - Phone call from middle school nurse letting me know Grant wasn't feeling great. Once again, I get another strike on this nurse's tally sheet for my lack of concern by replying, "He'll be ok. There's only five more hours in the day."
• 1:00 p.m. - Front office calls to tell me to check my voice mail regarding a phone call from the middle school nurse. Are you kidding me? I couldn't figure out how to check the VM on this new phone (pining for my iPhone) so I didn't worry about it. I'm sure she added another tally next to my name!
• 2:00 - 4:30ish p.m. - This time block was somewhat of a blur of trying to finish up the yearbook and filling out the annual "letter of intent form." Ugh.
• 5:00 p.m. - I give up and go get the kids from mom.
• 5:30 p.m. - I realize that Dasha isn't wearing the same clothes I sent her to school in. Not good. Her nice loose jeans had been traded for yoga pants that left nothing to the imagination. This wardrobe change was the topic of the nurse's second phone call according to Dasha. Also according to Dasha, someone made her laugh so hard she peed her pants. (Second code yellow for her in less than a month due to hilarious laughter at lunch). After realizing that she was clueless about the condition of my blood pressure, I simply told her that on the 3rd code yellow, you have to wear Pull Ups to school. She can go ahead and add it to her list of topics to talk with the therapist about. Ugh.
• 6:00 p.m. - I need to escape. I'm surrounded. I decide to hold the second annual Randolph Lawn Circus. Yep. First, there was the ordeal of starting the lawn mower. I'd already tried to do this and then someone lovingly pointed out that it "might" just be out of gas. Hmmmm... Yeah. So, the lawn mower and I did the first act without too much drama. I did have to pull the string several times and ended up yanking the knob off of the end of it but that wasn't anything a good 'ole knot wouldn't fix. In the second ring, though, the edger and I ramped up the drama. I couldn't start the darn thing to save my life. I primed it and cranked it but by the time I'd pushed the throttle open, it stalled. So, using every ounce of common sense I own, I sat down in the drive way, put my foot on the throttle and cranked it. Ta Dah! (I think it was probably around this point when the neighbors started calling their kids inside for fear of what I might do next). I have to say that I'm completely astounded and in awe of folks who can edge in a straight line without sending sparks flying everywhere. Not me. I'm surprised I didn't set the yard on fire with all of the sparks flying. Metal against cement. The sound is as bad as fingernails against a chalk board. As one guy walked his dog down the sidewalk while I was working, I think I saw him bend over and look down into the trench I'd dug to see if it was really a mote filled with angry crocodiles. Oh well. I dare weeds to grow next to my sidewalk or driveway any time soon! Ring three of this circus was supposed to be the weed eater. But, alas, despite every trick I did, I couldn't get it started. I'm thinking that my poor old Craigslist weed eater may be destined for the junk pile. But, I was left with a problem. I needed the weed eater to get the wildness off of the bank between my house and the drunken neighbor's. (Although, if I just let the weeds keep growing, maybe she'd get lost wandering over and stay on her side of the hill)! Anyway, I decided to start the mower again and try to just mow around the ground cover shrubs on the hill. (This is the point when you should hear the theme music from Chariots of Fire playing). I restarted the mower with one pull. I think I might have heard a strain of the Hallelujah chorus with that one pull! Then, I gingerly starting pushing the mower in a diagonal design across the hill. Not up and down. I'm not stupid. I didn't want the mower rolling down on top of me. However, I neglected to factor in the old weed barrier cloth that was up underneath everything. In one swoosh, the mower sucked up the cloth the way the vacuum sucks up abandoned Legos. My first reaction was to tug. Duh. I let go of the throttle which killed the engine (major blessing) but then found myself falling backward over the spiky shrub and having the mower following me with quite a bit of momentum. Somehow, I ended up on the ground with the mower in my lap. It was a picture for one of those World's Most Stupid... shows. Luckily, I only sustained surface level wounds which will simply add some character to my wounded ego. However, I'm sure my neighbors are all taking about the freak show at this year's circus! Geez.

Meanwhile, I'd left Dasha at the table working on homework and Grant overseeing Annie. Yeah, I know. Not great decisions on any level at any time. However, I drug myself back into the house in order to get everyone to bed and now I'm ready to give up for the night myself.

While I may be adjusting to the "normalness" of this new life, there is nothing normal about it! There are days when I wonder if I'd be better off working at Disney as one of those characters that you frequently see kids slugging and then I'm reminded how blessed I am to have a job that allows me to do this drama with my kids every afternoon and still provides for our needs. Provisions, blessings, grace, and a very steep learning curve have marked this last year but in nothing short of a miracle, life is good and I'm grateful.

Good night, all.