Hey, Clark! It's like the gift that keeps on giving! - NOT!

A year ago, I sat in The Melting Pot listening to what I already knew was true. He'd been unfaithful. However, there was hope. "We" decided to work it out. In a very intimate moment, he gave me the beautiful ring back that I'd hurled at him days earlier and ask me to go to a week long counseling intensive in Branson, MO. He said things that every woman would want to hear. He made promises about the future and raising the kids that would melt any sensible mother from the inside out. My heart and mind may never come to an agreement on his true intentions. Did he really want to fix things or was it all a ploy to make it look like he'd tried?

A year later, I gave him what I deem as the absolute worst Christmas gift a wife could ever give a husband, my signature on the final divorce decree. (Although, I'm not naive enough to think that he sees the gift as "bad." He's already looking for his passport so he can start planning his honeymoon). Now, I'm just waiting for a date to appear before Judge Mills on the stand and answer questions about the oddity of the decree. (Part of the draw to the uncontested status was not having to go to court. However, I didn't know that due to the stipulations in the document, I'll still have to stand alone on the stand and justify and clarify. Does someone have some extra Prozac or even some sort of tranquilizer dart you could use on an elephant? He doesn't have to attend. Just me).

Oh how I've changed in the last year. God has provided for me in ways that I would have never imagined. Time and time again, God has used strangers, co-workers, and even weird family members (sorry) to meet needs over the last year. Bills were paid. Children were fed and clothed. Tears were wiped. Bail money was promised. Accomplices were drafted. (Oops. Did I say that out loud)? Seriously, it absolutely never failed. Just when I wondered how the ends would meet or how I'd make it through another lonely night, someone reached out. If you were one of those people who stood in the gap for me and the kids, all I can say is, "Thank you." Words could never begin to cover my gratitude.

So, for tonight, I won't say that I'll go to bed without shedding a tear. There are moments when I still cry out to God and question, "Why?" I wouldn't wish the feeling of standing in a cold attorney's office initialing and signing page after page documenting the rules and regulations of dealing with three beautiful children like they are simply pawns in a sick game on my worst enemy. Yeah, they deal with more than that but my biggest heart ache is knowing that there has to be a legal document detailing what the man who created, delivered, and even baptized these children can and cannot do with them. While I signed and initialed, Annie stood at my feet swinging Elliot (her elf) and asking if she'd see Daddy again today. That was just about my undoing. The paralegal had the sense to keep flipping the papers for me to sign before I got tangled up in the emotions of the beautiful blue eyed doll baby asking me for her Daddy. Crapolicious! Merry stinking Christmas, Eric. I just gave you a gift sort of like the Jelly of the Month club from Christmas Vacation. It's the gift that'll keep on giving. Now, if I only had Snots the dog and Cousin Eddie, I could fry the cat in the Christmas tree and possibly get all of the lights in the bushes to come on.

Good night, all.