Moldy Cheerios, Pretty Toenails, and Leaps of Faith

I'm pooped! Meet and Greet might only last for an hour but it takes hours to get all of the paperwork prepped and other little odds and ends taken care of. I made myself a list about 1:00 this morning as things kept popping into my mind that I'd forgotten to do. When I arrived at school this morning, I must have tripped into a time warp because I think I lost about an hour and barely got everything ready. Meet and Greet is kind of like hosting a dinner party at your house. No matter how hard you try to get everything perfect, you look up in the middle of the meal to see a cobweb dangling from the ceiling or a moldy Cheerio peeking out from under the sofa. Heck, in my house, the Cheerios have gotten brave. They don't even bother to peek out. They just lounge in the middle of the floor knowing that Annie will eventually either eat them or pick them up and put them in her purse! Anyway, as parents began coming into the room, I started noticing things that I'd forgotten to do and it was driving me nuts! Oh well!

I was thrilled to meet all of my parents today. I have a great group of kids and an incredible number of mamas who want to help out! I can rest much easier tonight knowing that I have such wonderful support!

When I finally made it home this afternoon, Annie came running to me and said, "Look! Lindsey painted my toenails!" Seriously? The girls won't sit still for me to cut her nails and she let Lindsey paint her nails?

Yes, she did. She even put a flower on her big toe! That's the first time her toes have ever been painted and she absolutely loved it! I needed to run an errand this afternoon and I tried to put her socks and shoes on and she went into hysterics because I was covering up the masterpiece. (Yeah, she went barefooted. I wasn't willing to do that battle)! Dasha had her nails done, too, of course. It's so great to have a sitter that actually engages with the kids and doesn't just sit and watch TV or text.  As a note, Grant loves Lindsey too even though she didn't paint his nails!

Once the sitter left, the children took their halos and wings off and traded them in for pitch forks! I just don't understand why Grant and Annie constantly battle! He's 11! She's 2! I thought with 9 years in between them that this wouldn't ever be an issue!

I know people think I stage these photos but just ask Grant. Annie was pretending to cook and thought it would be a great idea to "clip" his nose with the tongs! Then, she started whining for some milk and I said, "How do you ask?" I simply wanted her to say, "Please." Nope. No way. Her response was, "I ask you do it now!" Um. I'm thinking that I might have said that more than once to the big kids (and probably Annie)! The girl never stops! It was about this time that her normal sitter called me to let me know that she was back from Morocco and wanted me to bring Annie tomorrow. I toyed with the idea of running around the house screaming, "Hallelujah!" When I told Annie that she could go see Fatima tomorrow, she immediately got her shoes and went to the door. When I re-explained that we'd go AFTER she slept, she said she wanted to go to bed. Once again, I thought about dancing around singing, "Oh Happy Day!" Annie went to bed happily at 7:30! Yee Haw! As a parent, it's such a comfort to know that the your kids truly love their caregivers.

As for my emotional state this week, I've been on a miniature roller coaster. I traded the ginormous hills and dips for something a little more tame this week. Dealing with trying to get things done around the house one-handed has been really frustrating and watching the kids (especially Grant) try to fill in the gaps has just magnified my frustrations. Also, transitioning the kids to middle school this week has been really tough. I'm used to having someone to help me make decisions about Dasha's educational issues and other things dealing with the kids. While I'm quite competent to make decisions about these issues alone, it sure was nice to have someone else who knew the kids intimately to help make the best possible decisions for them. The icing on the cake came when I had to preview the sex education curriculum at the middle school. I'm not quite sure where Eric left off his conversation about sex with Grant. I don't think like a man (thank goodness) so I just don't know if this stuff is really what we want him to know. And, who the heck is going to teach this stuff? I think that was the point when I felt the biggest loss. Anyway, that's just surface abrasion kind of stuff, though. That's not the heart splitting kind of drama I've dealt with over the last few weeks. I'm sure that this kiddie sized roller coaster will eject me at some point and I'll land back in line for the Goliath but for now, I'm grateful that I've been able to stomach the little dips and rises while getting everything prepped for next week.

Tomorrow afternoon, I have another visit to the doctor to check my wrist. I'm sad to say that I might have sealed my own fate tonight, though. I wasn't wearing my splint because I was getting Annie ready for bed and we were just snuggling. (See, I can always justify not wearing it. Who would ever question me or condemn me for not wearing it in order to snuggle a sweet little angel)? Anyway, Annie decided to jump toward me suddenly. My choices were to catch her or let her land on the floor head first. I caught her. With both hands. Without my splint on. I'm admitting right now that if I end up with a cast, it's my own darn fault. My wrist is swelling up again despite the ice I have on it. Who knew that Annie would randomly decide to throw herself off of my bed and test my reflexes? Tonight will be another Tylenol and Tiger Balm night. Hopefully, I haven't put myself back to square one.

But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward" (Jeremiah 7:24)

Serious speed blogging...

Here's the run down in marathon style...

• My room is ready for Meet and Greet tomorrow. Whew! Somehow, this one-handed wonder pulled it off! Meet and Greet is definitely NOT my most favorite time of the year because it's so rushed and so fake! Everyone smiles, says nice things, and then goes home and can't remember who said what because it all turns into a blur!
• I'm a crappy patient. I didn't wear my splint today. It really hurts my arm and makes everything from my finger tips all the way to my elbow hurt. However, it hurts seriously after a day of flopping around! I know better than to mess around with this. My teammates all tormented me today about not having it on but I didn't think I was doing any damage since I wasn't out jumping around or doing nutty things. Maybe I was wrong.
• I took Grant and Dasha for Meet and Greet at the middle school. Heaven help me! That place is huge! All of their teachers were nice (they get paid to be that way on Meet and Greet, though) and no one stuck out as particularly crazy. Although, both kids have the same science teacher and I did recognize his face from the year the middle school shared our facility. I'm terrified that some of you already know which teacher I'm referring to. That's a conversation for another day. I think he's a great teacher but just needs someone to help him with his fashionista side.
• Grant is a ticking time bomb. Every time I talk with him, he bursts into tears. He can't tell me if it's nerves or something else. (Let me tell you, though, if this stage of moodiness doesn't pass soon, I'm going to experiment with replacing his vitamin with some Midol)!
• My poor mom did "Annie duty" from 3:00 - 6:00 tonight. When I arrived, Annie was standing on a stool helping Grandma "wash" the dishes. Um, I may have to figure out a way to replace her now drenched hardwood floors. Annie is ready to get back to her normal schedule and was a bear tonight. Her regular sitter just got back from Morocco and called to say that she'd love to see her! I said, "Sure thing! We'll be right over!" I didn't really follow through but I know Annie will be thrilled to see Fatima again! I think I'll take her there on Friday to give her a day to ease into getting back into the normal routine.
• Tonight, I'm going to be NOW! I'm not going to diddle daddle around and end up in bed after midnight again!

So, goodnight to all!

Council Members, Popcicles, and Tramp Stamps

So, here's the deal. It's 9:30. I'm really tired but my mind is spinning. I'm allotting myself 15 minutes to spill it all right here. When the timer goes off, I'm done. This is kind of like speed blogging.

I had a great day today at school. I absolutely love my teammates and all of the support we have. We got our class roles today and although I don't know but a few of the names on the list, I'm quite sure that they're the kids I'm suppose to have and that we'll have a great year.

I left school this afternoon to get Grant to the council member's office by 4:30 and made it just in the nick of time.

We met Mr. Nelms at his office and once again, Grant was a celebrity interviewer. When Mr. Nelms asked Grant about his interests, Grant mentioned building with Legos and drawing and Mr. Nelms suggested that they go visit one of the engineers in the company. It was the coolest thing! Grant learned about using AutoCad and soil samples and all of the different things engineers can do. Grant was truly captivated. Mr. Nelms sparked something in Grant that I haven't seen in so long. He told Grant that when he made Eagle scout, he'd have recognition ceremony for him and just really built him up. Grant has beamed for the rest of the evening.

When we got home from Mr. Nelms' office, Grant started asking some really hard questions about the current circumstances. I'm not going to delve into those during this speed blogging party but I'm still stupefied at how wise he is. Geez. I had to answer some really tough questions that I never dreamed I'd be talking about with my son.

Afterwards, dinner was a celebration of Spaghetti-Os (gross) and leftovers. I tried to offer the kids a treat to make up for the crappy dinner by letting them have a popcicle afterwards. Grant and Dasha enjoyed their treats while Annie squeezed her popcicle into her Spaghetti-Os and then got mad when she couldn't get the ice back into the plastic sleeve. It was quite hilarious for her audience. She was none too happy, though! (She also started trying to put her Spaghetti-Os into the sleeve. That's when I really had to call off the fun)!

After dinner, I had to usher Annie straight to the bathtub to get all of dinner's aftermath off of her. She had one doll that she always plays with in the tub. The doll has a stamp over it's crack. I guess Fisher-Price decided that they'd just go ahead and encourage little ones to get tramp stamps (is that PC)? Anyway, Annie kept pointing to the doll's bum and then trying to see her own to find her own numbers. I'm glad we were in the bathroom because I just about peed my pants laughing so hard! I guess if you've never seen your own butt then you just never know what might be stamped back there!

So, I'm now going to finish up some paperwork and I'm heading to bed! Dang! I forgot how early 5:30 is! I admit that I've slept really hard the last couple of nights. I also admit that I haven't worn the stupid arm splint at nights because the metal stays are poking holes in my skin. The swelling is beginning to go down but my wrist is still black and blue and hurts like heck. However, each day, it's getting a bit better. As I said, this too shall pass.

Good night to all from the Randolph Insane Asylum! Ahhh!!!!! Do they make straight jackets for toddlers? Why is this child up again and suddenly standing behind me? She's like a little creeper!

Grant vs. The Mayor (and City Manager)

Wow. Tonight was one of those nights when instead of crying tears of frustration, loneliness, and anger, they were tears of pride. Grant is working on several merit badges for scouts right now. He's toyed with the goal of being the youngest Eagle Scout in GA. Right now, I think the record is 14 years old. I think he's a little afraid to admit his goal aloud for fear he might not make it. (Hmmmm... I'm sure he didn't get that attribute from me. NOT)! Anyway, he had to meet with some city officials. We were originally supposed to meet with Woodstock's mayor. However, when we arrived, the mayor AND the city manager were both there. Grant asked his interview questions like he was some celeb reporter. I'm so glad he didn't have a microphone! I was astonished at how polished he was at responding to spur of the moment questions that were lobbed back at him. He was simply awesome! I have to admit that I learned a lot about the city government that I never knew! The "new" meeting facility for the city council meetings is in downtown Woodstock in the old old First Baptist Woodstock building. Not the "formal" sanctuary that now houses the theater but the older brick building located right on main street. The city manager gave us a tour and showed us all of the renovations that had been made and how they had tried their best to maintain the integrity of the old building while integrating new technology, as well. He even showed us where the old baptistry was still below the flooring! He said that during the last renovation the builder ran the heating wires over the "tub" so they just decided to leave it where it was and call it the mayor's "trap door exit!" We were also given a tour to see just how "green" the building was. There are actually solar panels on top of the building. I drive by the building every day and I've never noticed them! Anyway, our time with the mayor and city manager were very informative and Grant was a true rock star with the interview! He really made me proud. (I think Papa had a tear in his eye, too. I'm serious)!

Then, Mr. Henriques (the mayor), asked Grant to lead the Pledge of Allegiance to begin the city council meeting. Maybe he does this for every scout that he meets. I don't care. To me, it was one of those moments that will forever be burned into my memory. Grant stood there before the podium and saluted the flag and in a loud clear voice started the Pledge. Wow. I SO wanted a picture but I was so stunned that I didn't have time to get into a spot where I could get a shot. Oh well. Like I said, that memory of him standing there will forever be part of my memories of his childhood.

Tomorrow, we're off to meet another council member to wrap up Grant's badge work. He originally scoffed at the thought of having to interview the mayor and council members but he seemed to actually enjoy himself tonight! Maybe he'll have some sort of career in politics. (I'm not sure that would be my dream for him but he sure seems to know how to talk the talk and play the game)!

After my first day back at school today, I'm exhausted. I missed my afternoon nap! :) However, it felt so good to be productive and get things in order. And, I admit that the drive to school (even if it was only 20 minutes) was blissful. I was in the car alone and played MY music and didn't have to keep checking the rear view mirror to see if someone was strangling another or if someone was escaping from their seat belt! I admit that I did miss my time with the kids today, though. Since I had to rush home and turn around and head back out with Grant tonight, I didn't get to spend more than about 15 minutes with Annie. As I put her to bed, she latched on around my neck and giggled and said, "I wuv you. Tomorrow you play with me and build a castle?" Oh. The girl is such a stinker but she's incredible. She's the absolute best parts of me and Eric. She has my creativity and Eric's agility and social skills. While the big kids are perfect, too, Grant is a 80/20 mix of us, and Dasha is... well, Dasha is Dasha and has her very own place in this world! Annie is just such a solid mix. Anyway, I did miss the kids today but when Annie said, "I wuv you," tonight, it just brought all those mama emotions to the surface.

The question that I'm left with tonight is, "How could anyone walk away from this?" Life is not standing still and the kids are growing up so quickly. Geez. That's one of those questions that I'll never get an answer to but I don't have the time or resources to sit and ponder. There's nothing in this world that I would trade for hearing, "I wuv you" or "I pledge allegiance" or even some of the Dasha-isms that she gives up. There's nothing more precious. How? Why? It just doesn't make sense! What does she have to offer him that could possibly keep him away? I have to imagine her as some Siren with magical powers that make him forget. Maybe that's a little unrealistic but that's the most reasonable solution I can come up with. For now, I'll enjoy those chubby little arms clinging around my neck at night and that little Buddha belly hanging out of her diaper as she loves me goodnight. I'll enjoy watching Grant find his voice and learn to hold his own respectfully and with integrity. And, I'll continue to see the humor in Dasha's views on life. I'm not sure what color the sky is in her world but when I get a glimpse inside, I stand in awe. These are the joys that I'll tuck away for tonight (and bookmark so I can find them when the next kid does something stupid)!

Good night, all!

Boarding Up for the Storm

OK. So I've had a rough week. It's not the first and it sure won't be the last. However, this week, instead of fighting battles, I felt like I got ambushed. It was just overwhelming and I needed some time to step back and devise a new battle plan. I can't tell you that I have that plan finished yet. I'm still struggling. However, I know that it's time for me to put my big girl panties on and get my butt off of the sofa and move on. Have you seen that crazy show on TV called Wipe Out where crazy people purposely put their lives at risk to run through seriously stupid obstacle courses and have a narrator make fun of them the whole time? That's exactly how I felt this week. Except, on the TV show, once you land in the water, you get to dry off and go home. I haven't had that option. I've had to keep getting back onto the obstacle course knowing that I'm probably going to end up in the water several more times before I figure the course out. And the narrators? Well, the narrators in this game that I'm stuck in seem to be folks who just don't get it. Heck, I don't get it either but I've given up trying to figure out some things. It's taking too much energy to stay on the course and not get knocked into the water! And the narrators are having quite a hayday with me! I'm one of those very uncoordinated participants who don't just fall off the course. I'm the one who bounces in between two obstacles and lands in the water with a graceful belly flop.

Yes. It's been a very hard week. Yes. It's going to get harder. No. I don't have the luxury of getting out of the pool, grabbing a warm towel, drying off, and going home with a parting gift. I have to keep running through the obstacles until I have mastered the course and can make it through in one piece (while leading three kids through, as well). My mind is a hurricane of thoughts right now and the only reason that I felt semi-safe to even write anything tonight is that I seem to be standing in the eye of the hurricane and pretty sane right now. Who knows when the back side of the storm will blow through. I have so many questions for so many people. I have questions for God. Questions for Eric. Questions for her. But, as I'm standing in the eye right now, I'm rushing around trying to get everything tied down and locked up before the rest of the storm blows through. I've nailed the plywood up over the windows again and tried my best to secure all of the valuable possessions to keep them protected from the remainder of the storm.

I am definitely happy to be heading back to school tomorrow. I love my teammates. I love my students. I love what I do. (Don't laugh. I'm practicing the power of positive thinking because this week is one of the most drama filled weeks of the school year)! :) Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting back to a solid routine where I can be successful and productive. Yes, I've had a great time with the kids this summer and we've made some very special memories but they are just as ready for me to go back to school as I am! :)

Tomorrow night, I get the pleasure of siting with Grant and Woodstock's mayor as Grant interviews him. Wow. I could spend an entire evening journaling about all of things Grant has done this week to stand in gaps that 11 year olds shouldn't even know exist in life. While he has his moments of being a typical preteen, his sensitive old-soul prevails when it comes to protecting me and my love for him grows more fierce every day. My prayer is that somewhere, two loving parents are working hard to raise his wife into someone who could truly appreciate his incredible character (and not gripe about wiping up the pee from around the toilet since he can't aim)! Even Annie has been sensitive to my needs this week. OK, yeah, even though Dasha is revving up toward her crazy stage of the month again (seriously), she has been good to bring me ice packs and try to fix my hair for me. While Grant has taken the lion's share of the load, the girls have also been great. I'm so thankful for them and their gifts.

OK, enough of that before I get myself all worked up. It's time for me to head to bed and start the next year of my career. Whoo-hoo! Bring it on!

White Flag

There it is.

When everything feels broken...

Today = meltdown mode

Tried to get everyone up and ready to head back to school to finish hooking up the computers. I couldn't get everyone coordinated so at 10:00, we still hadn't left and I gave up.

At 10:00, the urgent care facility that I went to called and said that the hospital radiologist read the xrays and determined that there was a break in my wrist and I needed to see an orthopedist. Ha! I did see one yesterday but he said it wasn't broken and just the ligament was torn. Nice.

At 10:10, I call another orthopedist and the only appointment they had was at 11:00. Perfect. No sitter. What do I do? The only other appointment is tomorrow morning and that means forfeiting my hair appointment. I decide to go to the 11:00 appointment and leave the kids home alone. I've never done that before and surely not for an extended amount of time. I call Eric and ask him to call and check in on them as much as possible and head to the appointment.

The new orthopedist took more xrays and even showed me the break. (No comment about the nut job from yesterday). Suggested fix, a cast. Now, I'd already been drizzling tears since the 10:00 phone call wonder how the heck I was going to swing this new scenario! The confirmation of a cast just makes it worse. Hopeless. Helpless. Frustrated. Done. Those were the more positive emotions. I'm not quiet sure how many times my mind wandered heavenward and asked, "Why," and "How am I going to do this?" I'm not sure if the staff at the office had already alerted the mental ward or if they were truly worried about me but the doctor finally asked if I was in that much pain. I just told him that I was frustrated with life and I had a two year old and a cast was going to be a very big challenge. He gave me the doctor speech first and told me that I needed to consider my own health and not put myself at risk. Then, he told me he had 3 year old twins and made me promise in about six different oaths that I'd behave and not do anything ridiculous if he gave me a removable cast (basically a large splint with metal poles running down it - very uncomfortable but much better than a cast). Obviously, I agreed. I have to go back once the swelling subsides and he'll do another xray. If the break is mending properly, he'll let me stay in the splint. If not, a cast is the only answer. Ugh. (He did offer me some Valium and said that the angle this splint would put my wrist in would be uncomfortable. I took the prescription this time and I'm glad I did because it feels like Mario and his friends are inside my wrist jack hammering. I think I'll try some Tylenol, though, before I resort to the hard stuff. I'm just terrified of falling asleep and not hearing the house burning down or someone calling for me)!

Let's just say that by the time I got home, I was a ticking time bomb. I didn't know if the kids would have all killed each other (or Annie would have tied the others up) and I just needed to let everything out! The kids were just fine. No permanent harm done. My mom arrived on the scene shortly after I got back. I'd left her a frantic and crazed message earlier about having to leave the kids alone and she'd come running over. With her and the kids present, there was no chance of me having an emotional avalanche. I stuffed it all down and put on the warrior face and played the game a bit longer.

She ended up staying with the girls while Grant and I ran to school so I could fix the computers. I also needed to tell Grant that he'd be having three shots this afternoon and not just the one that he'd assumed. He does so much better if he knows the truth of what's happening but the timing with him is always tricky. If you tell him too early, he stresses. If you tell him too late, he's caught off-guard and melts down. I'd hoped to sneak in and out of the school building without being seen since I hadn't had a shower and my hair looked a wreck! It's just impossible to fix my own hair right now! And, I only have one pair of shorts that I can wear that are too big and don't have to be unbuttoned and unzipped to take care of business! It's impossible to button and zip with one hand! Anyway, I got into the building, got things done, and was only spotted by a few folks which was a relief.

Then, on to the doctor. Poor Grant was a nervous wreck. However, the nurse was great and had given all three shots in less than probably 15 seconds! We were both relieved!

We crashed mom's house for dinner tonight and now I'm waiting the storm out to put Annie to bed. All of these bottled up emotions from today are about to blast out of me and I need everyone in bed before I can let my guard down and let that happen. Today is one of those days when I just want to snuggle up in someone's arms and let all of the pieces come falling to the ground and deal with the aftermath later. Not gonna happen, though. So, I'll head to bed with a box of Kleenex and a bottle of Tylenol. I won't try to complete any more questions in the stupid workbook, either. I never made it through the first question last night. (That's a conversation for another night). We have a meeting with the assistant principal at the middle school at 8:00 in the morning so I have to make sure that I can successfully get everyone out of the house on time. Then, my relief will be here at 9:30 and I'll be off for my hair appointment and whatever else I can squeeze into that time. Whew!

Some nights, I go to bed hoping that I'm going to wake up the next morning and this is all just going to be a bad dream! (Yeah, I know that this whole soliloquy is nothing but one big whine but that's just how I feel tonight. This will pass and I'll move on but I'm seem to be stuck here for the moment). Tonight, it feels like everything is broken - not just my wrist.

Choosing to be a Gremlin, a liar, and a target

Highlights for today...

Made it to school by 8:30 this morning. It was a close call. Do you know how hard it is to do Annie's hair one handed? She has scarecrow hair and it takes several different products to tame it but she's learned to scream, "Ow! That hurts," before you ever even touch her with the brush! Ugh!

In less than an hour, one of my old students and her sister who babysits for us had my classroom in working order again. Grant put all of the desks out. Dasha helped re-shelve the books. The older girls put up the new bulletin board and helped finish stacking books. Wow! Thanks to everyone's help, if kids walked in tomorrow, I could survive! I can't imagine how long that would have taken me one handed!

After a quick lunch, Annie and Dasha went down for a nap and I decided to test my luck and leave Grant with the sleeping beauties. The appointment was just a couple of miles down the road so I had faith that if anything happened, I could be home in minutes.

After meeting the doctor and realizing that he didn't have a gentle bone in his body (and wanting to break all of HIS bones), I realized that this nut had obviously lost his mind. He kept pushing on my hand and squeezing my wrist as if I hadn't already told him that they hurt like heck! In fact, from my forearm down to the first knuckle of most of my fingers, I have nasty yellow and purple bruises. Maybe this doctor was blind and couldn't see the bruises OR see my flinching as he asked how bad it would hurt if he pushed my hand back to a 90 degree angle. At that point, my mind started racing. I wanted to answer him with a retort like, "How bad would it hurt if I tied your arms behind your head using your fingers?" Duh! Anyway, after an MRI, he decided that I have a UCL tear (the ligament that holds your thumb on). He said it wasn't a complete tear so I wouldn't need surgery unless I planned on being a hockey player or tennis player. Um, NO, again! This guy wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer! My choices were to get a real cast that wouldn't allow me to take a normal shower or get wet (think Gremlins) for about six weeks OR use a splint with a special hook to hold my thumb at a 20 degree angle. Gee. Tough decision! Be a Gremlin and fear getting wet for six weeks (think about bathing Annie) or have something that I can remove and still have a semi-normal life. I went with the splint. Then, he asked if I wanted a prescription for some stronger pain meds. I said, "No," but I'm rethinking my answer at this point tonight. Maybe I should have used the "phone a friend" option and someone would have reminded me that those pills will numb the pain of just about anything! :)

So, I did manage to make it home before Annie woke up. That was nice. About the time I stretched out on my bed to read, a huge clap of thunder shook the house. I mentally started counting. I got to about five before I heard her squeal, "Mama! I scared! Come get me to your room!" So, I obeyed. Before the storm was over, all four of us were piled in my bed watching Dora. It was a nice sentimental moment for a few seconds. Then, kids started squabbling over who was sitting where or who was sitting on what. The Kodak moment dissolved like Alka-Seltzer in water. Fizz.

We all went downstairs at that point for an afternoon snack. Annie and Grant decided to reconstruct the PVC house again. As the construction was going on, Annie kept asking for marshmallows. She finally said that she wanted, "Marshmallows for my stick and fire!" Ah! She was pretending the house was a tent and she was going to have a campfire. Well, of course! If she was being imaginative, I'd be more than happy to reward her with marshmallows.

Yeah. Big FAIL on my part!

Grant taught Annie to load a piece of their PVC house with marshmallows and use it like a blow dart gun! Let's think about this for a minute. The girl still has a major issue with back wash. The same spit that goes into her drink also goes into the air when she blows on anything - candles, balloons, pinwheels - ANYTHING! So, instead of shooting rather stale little balls of sugar, she was shooting spit laden sticky wads of goo. I admit that I didn't think she had the lungs to be able to even get the marshmallow out of the pipe so I didn't get too worked up about the scheme. Wrong! The girl can shoot and aim! After the second or third mushy sugar wad hit me, I called the game off to everyone's dismay!

Grant and Annie went back to work on the house. They decided to go with a different design.

The design didn't work out for them, though. They finally decided to rework things and got a much more stable structure that the big bad wolf (Annie) couldn't blow down!

Annie "blowing" like the wolf.

While all of this was going on, Dasha was sitting at the table coloring. She refused to come and join us. Once again, her mood swings are sudden and seem almost constant. (Is it still called a swing if it's constant? Maybe it becomes a mood pendulum)?

Thank goodness, the kids finally gave up the rough housing with the house and marshmallows and opted for something a bit more tame like using other people as a jungle gym! Annie finally had enough of Grant smushing her and got her hat and purse and said that she was going to the grocery store to get some more marshmallows and some chicken for dinner. I started to hand her the keys and breathe a sigh of relief since she already had a plan for dinner!

Thankfully, my parents dropped by with some chicken (they must have talked with Annie) for dinner and the natives finally all convened in one place to act like carnivores! (My parents were distraught to see Annie actually use her fork to scratch her arm pit during dinner. Geez! What do they expect)?

When mom came in, she had a box that a family friend had given her to pass on to me. There were three pairs of pants, two beautiful shirts, and three, well, um, bras. I admit that the last item made my heart race a wee bit with anxiety. Seriously? Eric gave up even trying to buy me clothes because I always complain that things just don't fit right and then when I do find something that I like, I just buy it in a zillion different colors. None of these things were the same style or color and, believe it or not, they all fit perfectly. Wow. Once again, my waning wardrobe has been weighing on my mind but I knew that I couldn't go on a shopping spree and replenish it. The unspoken need was met before I even acknowledged it. (We have a new principal at school this year and he has raised the bar a bit for dress code. Not that I dressed like a slob before but I had strayed a bit from straight business attire. That coupled with weight loss has left my closet pretty lean). Anyway, I just had to breathe a prayer when I tried everything on.

During a lull after dinner, my counselor called and wanted to "check in" with me and find out how things were progressing with the workbook. I lied. It wasn't even a little white lie. It was a lie. The book is actually still laying in the floor because I stepped on it when I made everyone evacuate my bed after the storm. I told her that it was all just fine and I was almost done. But, her next words were what floored me. "Oh, I'm in the area. I just left the gym. Why don't I swing by and pick up what you've finished and go ahead and give you the next chapter?" Crap! Crap! Crap! First of all, I know better than to tell even a white lie. I always get caught! Now, I can either tell another lie to cover the first one (like, I'm in the Bahamas right now and not home) or just fess up like a good little girl. I replied to her, "Oh. Ok." What else was I supposed to say? I went upstairs to grab the book thinking I could just fill out those stupid questions with one word answers. Nope. Not the kind of homework you can do in between classes or on the bus. DOOR BELL. Seriously? She must have been in the drive way when she called me! The only thing I could do was fess up. I told her the drama I kept encountering with filling out the answers. To my face, she was the picture of grace. She seemed to accept my apology and my excuse. She didn't hand over the next lesson, though. I wonder what she thought as she pulled out of the drive way. I know I'm still embarrassed. I did move the book from the floor to my bed, though. Hey! Isn't that forward momentum? At least I didn't throw it into the garbage (yet)! So, my plan is to go upstairs and answer at least the first three questions in the lesson. I'm sure that I'll get the urge to clean the toilets before I do that, though! (As I side note, I did proudly give her the three other sheets from the pack that needed to be signed! She asked if I had any questions about the "no dating" paper and I just laughed. I'm sure she made a note of that when she got to her car. I can bet that I'll hear about it again)!

Tomorrow, I get to take Grant to get three freaking immunizations! I'm really looking forward to that! Somehow, we missed a shot along the way and he has to have one updated for middle school and was due one anyway! Have I mentioned that I really struggle with dealing with anything medical with the kids? Just the smells and demeanor of the doctors conjure up feelings and memories that are much better left alone these days! Maybe I'll bribe him with something so he doesn't force me to sit on him while they give the shots! The boy is taller than I am and probably stronger so it wouldn't be much of a battle! Beyond tomorrow's drama, I'm looking forward to Friday. A friend prepaid a sitter for me as a gift and I'm taking advantage of that on Friday! I'm going to get my hair fixed (thanks to gift cards from my students) and have some time alone. I don't know what I'll do but I know I won't be letting the time go to waste! Come on Friday!

Victoria's Secret Models, Sh*%^& Road Maps, and Out of Synch-ness

Here's the comic book version of the day...

As the story begins, all of the Super Heroes wait quietly outside the Apple Store for camp to begin - except one little nugget of super power. She insists on making herself known to everyone around!

Annie puts on a tap dance show for the workers in J. Crew as they switch out their ads.

Once the boys get started with their projects, Annie busies herself with a Dora game.

When she grows bored with Dora, she tries to invade Dasha's space and take over.

After a small yet dramatic war ending in a compromise, everyone was relocated to the benches outside the store!

 I do have to put my two cents in on this one, though. As Dasha examined the contents of the Victoria's Secret store front, she asked, "Mom, is that what normal moms wear?" I didn't even try to follow her train of thought for fear I'd end up lost, too! My answer was simply, "Probably so."

Annie spent a good deal of time trying to master using her spider skills to climb the columns. She managed to get on top of the first blocks but didn't make it any further.

When she figured out her spider skills weren't extraordinary, she decided to try out as a LOFT model.

When that didn't work, she got her microphone out and started serenading everyone walking by. However, when they didn't stop and smile, she started yelling, "Hey!" I had to end this session of her job search for fear someone was going to kill us!

I just don't even have words for this one! She got out her purse and marched over to the store front and started modeling. It was VERY disturbing. However, by this point, she had the attention of every retailer in the area and everyone was taking pictures and laughing hysterically. The funniness ended when Dasha tried to get in on the attention and started doing the same thing. Um, not good.

Meanwhile, back at the Bat Lair, the boys continued to work on their movie. They spent yesterday afternoon in L's backyard filming ninja scenes in the creek and on the banks. It was really cool!

When I finally couldn't take any more of Annie's antics, I tried to capture her. Maybe it's time for another stroller or a zoo cage on wheels. OR maybe, I should teach her to sit like a lady!

OK, that gets us up to about 10:00 a.m. Seriously. I didn't think today would ever end.

I finally gave in and called a sitter to come watch the monsters for an hour while I went and took care of some school jobs. It gave me just enough time away to get myself stirred up. As I was dating something, I realized that three months ago tonight, I was engaging in the worst behavior I've ever had. If I had a pass to delete an hour from my memory, that hour would rank as one of the top three for sure. Blah.

When I got home, I grabbed the mail and found a letter from someone that I barely know. I recognized the name but even had trouble placing where I knew it from. As I opened the letter, I found pages of handwritten notes. I tucked it away not knowing what I was about to get myself into. When I finally had Annie in bed and Dasha secured, I made a trip to Walmart for diapers (or that's what I told Grant) but my curiousity was killing me. Basically, the letter just said that this young couple thought "we" were perfect and always thought our kids were incredible and our constant laughter and banter was an indicator of how rosy things were. They went on giving examples and actually talking about how they had tried to model some of the same things in their own marriage. (Ok, I really started to take this pile of pages home and throw them in the floor with the workbook from last night). Anyway, she just said that they had followed my blog since I started it and had actually been on the original email list when I blogged via email through Ansley's death. She said the normal stuff about being shocked to find out that things weren't perfect but then said something completely stupid. She said that her and her husband now read these entries every morning and it gives them great topics for conversation which has enriched their marriage in an extraordinary way. Hmmmm.... That sure wasn't what I was going for. If your goal is to be the best singer ever, you don't want to find someone like Milli Vanilli to model yourself after. If you are modeling your marriage journey after what you're reading on this blog, please note - PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! Maybe it works for some folks like reverse psychology but I'm still a bit baffled. I hesitated to even write this because evidently, this couple is going to read this in the morning and know I'm talking about them. I'm very flattered but you're using a road map with some major detours and pot holes in it that another map might help you avoid!

Anyway, I'm heading to bed tonight conflicted. I never realized that when your heart and head don't synch up properly, it's exhausting. I wish I could just plug myself into the computer and hit "SYNCH" and have everything suddenly mesh. (I just finished a book called The Out of Synch Child. Maybe I should write about about the out of synch mind / heart).

I do have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow about my wrist. Although I'm regaining some motion in my thumb, it's still swollen like a balloon but now, it's a black and blue balloon! Gross! Dasha also has a neurologist appointment. I just don't even know what to begin to expect there. I'm sure they're going to order lots more tests and observations. I just need someone to use all of this data that they've collected and help me parent her! Like today, when she started dancing in the Victoria's Secret window, watching the two year old shake her booty and strut was hilarious because it wasn't something she was doing to be seductive. However, when a well endowed 13 year old started doing the same thing, it was disturbing. But Dasha didn't understand why I called off the "game" so quickly. I tried to explain it to her but she just kept saying, "Why can Annie do it and I can't?" There's just something missing! Someone needs to hand over the missing piece and let me get on with things or tell me what to use to try to fill in all of those pieces!

Good night, friends!

Poops, No Dating, and Malpractice

OK, it's 9:22 and I feel like it should be midnight. I'm exhausted. Although I complain about Annie as my alarm clock, I do believe that I prefer it to an actual alarm!

I knew that it would take me longer than usual to get ready this morning so I tried to give myself plenty of time. I know myself well enough to know that when I feel rushed, nothing goes right. Anyway, after hitting the snooze on my phone twice this morning, I had the realization that beginning next week, that alarm would be my wake up call every day. Yuck. However, since I only hit snooze twice, I thought I was a rockstar and didn't have to hurry too much. Wrong! I really underestimated how long it takes a one handed person to get ready. I showered and laid everything out the previous night but my preplanning didn't help my handicap! I won't even begin to tell you all of the thoughts that flew through my head as I tried to figure out how to get my dang bra on. Yeah, I know you're tired of hearing the gruesome details but it's truth. Believe me, I thought about going ala Hippie more than once during that battle with the boulder holder. I did finally win only to realize that I had it twisted and jacked up in the back but I wore it that way. If anyone noticed, they had the sense to keep their mouth shut! And then, there was the doing of the hair. There was no way I was going to wrangle a flat iron or curling iron one handed so I'd already decided to just pull the mess out of my face with a clip. Um, NO! You have to hold your hair with one hand and clip it with the other. Grant finally had to come and help me with this task. Poor Grant. He deserves an award for the crap he puts up with from all of the girls in the house! Anyway, the drama went on with putting socks and shoes on, getting Annie dressed, and then the fixing of her wild hair. By the time we were all ready to go, I was exhausted.

Here's a summary of today's camp. Parents have to stay so I tried to keep the girls corraled for 90 minutes which proved to be very interesting!

Waiting in the eerily quiet mall for the store to open.

The boys got to work on their projects.

Annie decided to cling to a table until she could use an iPad, too!

Dasha sat at the counter playing her games for a long time which was nice!

Annie preferred to put some wear and tear on the store's computers.

I also need to note that Annie spent some time digging through my purse during the 90 minute interlude and snacked on quite a bit of chap stick and then found a box of fruit punch mints. OK, she liked the mints. No big deal. If her mouth was full, she wasn't able to scream or make audible demands. I lost track of how many mints she actually had. I figured since they were sugar-free that I wasn't doing too much damage!

After camp was over, I dropped boy #1 off and then dropped boy #2 off and Grant jumped out, too! Oops! Dang, I hate it when you lose a kid in someone's front yard! However, I knew that boy #2's mom would bring him home eventually! (I should have unbuckled Annie and pushed the girls out, too)!

So, the girls were starving so I tried to bribe their silence with a kid's meal. It didn't work. Annie talked through the ENTIRE meal! The girl is SO like her Daddy! Man!

She barely ate anything but she sure told us all about spiders on the roof, drinking Sprite and sneezing, and some weird retelling of Jekyll and Hyde (I think). Like I said, her mouth never stopped!

We made it home and I Tylenol-d up and put everyone down for quiet time. I admit that I sat down to soak my hand in ice water and tried to find something indulgent to watch on TV but couldn't find anything. So, I read.

When Annie was ready to get up, she started shouting that she pooped on her bed. Yeah. I remember this drama from last week. She decided to change her own diaper. As I hesitantly opened the door, I half-way expected to see the same sort of scene. Instead, it was like the scene from that movie Daddy Day Care when they are trying to teach the kid to use the toilet and he evidently covers the entire bathroom with poo. Yep. That's the kind of mess we were dealing with. It was at this moment that I remembered that the mints were sugar-free and probably had sugar alcohol in them which has a laxative effect. Crap. Crap. Crap. I started with cleaning Annie. The only way to do it was to put her in the shower. Once I had sufficiently given her a bath with one hand, I started trying to clean her room and the carpet. I won't go through the detailed cleaning list but let's just say that this happened a total of 3 times. My poor mom ended up coming to help with carpet duty. Whew!

So basically, I've gotten nothing more accomplished today than being a chauffeur and cleaning up piles o' poo. I'm trying so hard to keep focused on moving forward and not letting this be a major setback but it has definitely put a damper on my rainbow today. The timing is horrible. My classroom needs to be set up and that's sure not something I can do one handed. (Thanks to a few old students that volunteered to come help me). But once again, I find myself having to rely on others for things that I like to do myself. It's that dang perfectionist in me! I want it done MY way! What a brat I am!

The other hiccup today was that the girls spent quite a bit of time video chatting with their Daddy. They absolutely love doing this but Annie continues to talk about Daddy constantly afterwards. She asks when he'll take her to swing and slide and do all of the fun things that he does. I don't want her to lose those warm fuzzies but I also don't need those fuzzies invading my scabbed over heart, either. It was rough. I knew bed time would be hard. She asked for "Daddy's smell" as she normally does and then wanted more put on his shirt that she sleeps with but when I kissed her goodnight, she said, "I want to kiss Daddy night-night." Yeah, my answer was simple and, "He's in Texas right now," but she didn't fall for it this time. She said, "No. He's in the puter." I wasn't about to explain the principles of video chatting but then, she said, "I get in my seat and drive and get Daddy and give him a kiss." Seriously, for two years old, she's persistent and won't quit until she gets what she wants. It took a whole lot of distracting and book reading to move her on to other subjects but my heart took a beating. It would be so much easier if I could just flip a switch and have some sort of force field up that filters out emotions.

To make matters worse, as I started working on the homework that I have for this counseling gig, I found that the entire first chapter was nothing but a scab ripping party. I admit to slinging the book across the bedroom and watching it bounce off of the window and land in the floor. (My right hand still works just fine, thank you)! In all of the jostling, though, some forms fell out of the envelope the book had been in. The top one was a form that is supposed to be signed stating you won't date while you are engaged in the counseling. Really? Are you kidding me? Is this really a problem that they want you to sign a waiver for? I flipped through the others thinking that I might just be able to write off the next nine months and call it quits because the whole curriculum was ludicrous. Nope. It was pretty grounded and sensible. There went that excuse. The next waiver had to do with keeping everything said in confidence. Yeah. No duh. (Although, most of greater Atlanta seems to know my dirt via the blog so I really don't even worry too much about that)! The last one was just a statement of your faith. That all made sense. I don't know when I'm going to get around to picking that book up off the floor, though, and completing the homework. I wonder what the punishment is for not doing your homework? Maybe I'll just have to sit out of recess! If that's the case, I'll forfeit the recess! Maybe I should just give it to Grant and tell him to fill it out while pretending that he's some cartoon character. Yeah. He could fill out all of those heart wrenching questions from Sponge Bob's point of view! Yep. That's my plan for tonight. Maybe I'll come to my senses tomorrow but for tonight, it's just too much to handle. It's impossible to tend to a serious heart wound with only one hand! It's a malpractice suit waiting to happen!

So, tonight, I'm heading upstairs to get everything prepped for another early morning excursion to the Apple store. My hand is throbbing and feels like it belongs to King Kong it's so swollen! The doctor couldn't see me until Wednesday afternoon but I guess that's better than next week! I'm actually trying to type using both hands to at least keep the fingers on the King Kong hand from getting too stiff. It hurts like heck but it's better than pecking letters with one hand!

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom Proverbs 11:2

This is the verse that came up in this morning's devotional. Why is it that I sometimes feel like bricks are being rained down from heaven on my head? I got it! You had me at HELLO! Maybe this is the season in my life where I learn to be a graceful receiver instead of a graceful giver. Just the sound of that makes my skin majorly crawl! I hate being dependent on others for things I'm capable of doing myself but, for some reason, this doesn't seem to be jiving with the lessons I need right now! Ugh!

Goodnight everyone. 

Blessings and Lessons in Humility

Things I'm thankful for today....

Having one good hand, two good feet, and a sense of humor.

Having a daughter who didn't mind helping me get dressed or fixing my hair and took great pride in doing so. (She's not a gentle hairstylist and doesn't have the same style preferences that I do but it was all done with an incredible amount of love).

Having a son who has done everything in his power to make me comfortable including creating a sling for me and rigging up a system to hold an ice pack on my wrist so I wouldn't have to hold it. He has also given me back and foot rubs and asked if I needed medicine. Hmmm... I wonder what he'd give me!

Having a mom who didn't run screaming when I asked her to help me fix my hair, change Annie's diapers and clothes, and change the cat litter. (Ok, I might have acted particularly helpless about that last task)!

Knowing that this too shall pass!

I am NOT a fan of receiving help. I much prefer to be the one giving it! However, over the last 24 hours, I've had to ask for help with things that have nearly been my undoing. Imagine my horror last night after struggling for 15 minutes to realize that I couldn't get my bra off! Then, this morning, realizing that I couldn't fix my own hair. These are things that I haven't had to have help with for decades! The list continued and having to finally call mom and dad was nearly a crippling moment for me. I had quite a few "it's not fair" thoughts but came to my senses and remembered that life just isn't fair!

Ok, as I peck this out with one hand, I am doubly grateful for having two hands! Tomorrow, I'll call the orthopedist and try to get an appointment since my wrist is still swollen to the size of a small dog and throbbing despite Tylenol. I'm also headed to Apple Camp with Grant tomorrow! It should be fun! Despite my circumstances today, I managed to push through without too much drama. Yes, there have been definite moments when I've longed for things to be "normal" again and have someone to care for me and help with the kids. While my parents have been phenomenal, it's just not the same. Like I said, thank goodness that I can cling to the knowledge that this too shall pass and I will survive and even emerge as a better person. Now, that person might have a bum wrist and children who will need major therapy to undo my parenting accomplishments but, hey, everyone has to have someone to blame their craziness on!

After trying to type and post this on my old laptop, I'm also SO grateful for my booty kicking Mac downstairs! You can add that to my list of blessings!

Here's to Tylenol, M&Ms, a good Netfix flick, and ice packs! Good night!

Tubing, Noodle Fights, and Roots

So, today started out great.  Grant and I went camping and boating at the lake with his scout group.  Since I'm now pecking this entry out with one hand and on pain meds, I'm going to let the pictures tell the story.

A bunch of boys acting like rowdy boys but not a single injury! Then, as we were leaving and hiking out, I tripped over a root.  I went face first in the dirt. I knew I'd hurt my wrist but I didn't want to scare Grant. In a nutshell, Grant headed to a movie with a friend.  The girls were still at Mom's. I went to the urgent care. Let me just say in my defense, I have a pretty high pain threshold and I was nauseous so I knew I needed to not go with my normal "walk it off" routine. However, in normal urgent care style, they splinted everything and didn't commit to a final diagnosis and said to see an orthopedist on Monday.

Once again, WHITE FLAG!!!! Does anyone see it? Is this like the story of the Emperor's New Clothes and I'm the only nut that can see the flag? I never felt as alone as I did sitting in that x-ray room at urgent care trying to figure out how to take care of myself and everyone else. This super sucks! At least it wasn't my leg or head! (Oh, the comments I could make about that)!

I'm heading to bed now and going to let everyone pile in with me and watch a movie.

Here's to a long night!

Can You See Me Now?, Sloth from Goonies vs. Annie, and Crocodile Rock (and Roll)

So, I thought that I'd made my white flag quite evident. I staked it in the middle of the front yard just like Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin did on the moon. Obviously, there were a few folks who neglected to see it!

Dasha and I made it to the eye doctor this morning right on time thanks to Mom who volunteered to come watch Annie and Grant so I didn't have to drag them along. I had my exam first. No big deal. Since I'm diabetic, the exam is always very thorough and takes forever. While I finished up, the assistant got Dasha started with her exam. Two times the assistant came in the room and asked the doctor a question. I wanted to say, "Should I be worried?" But, I had no idea if they were even talking about Dasha. Sure enough, by the time the assistant brought Dasha into the exam room where I was finishing up, the doctor was primed and eager to see her file. I felt kind of like I got knocked onto the floor so they could get to Dasha but, hey, I was ready to be finished anyway!

As the doctor went through the drill of, "Which one is better, one or two?" I could see that she was bombing every line. Was she doing it on purpose? I kept my mouth shut and waited to see what happened. Finally, the doctor told the assistant that she was "right." By this point, I was squirming in my seat. What was going on? Finally, the doctor told me that his "old-fashioned" exam had confirmed what the assistant found to be true with the digital scans and other fancy technology. Dasha's vision had gotten a LOT worse. I'm not even sure of her final numbers but the doctor basically told me that he couldn't get her to 20/20 and 25/25 was going to be tough. Then, he continued to tell me that the scans detected some possible optical nerve damage (or something like that) and that we needed to see a pediatric specialist. Perfect. I'll just add that on to the psychologist, physical therapist, orthopedist, and neurologist. What's one more specialist? I have so many questions now that things have stopped swirling in my head and they're beginning to settle.

So, we needed to get new glasses, too. No biggie. We have vision insurance and our medical insurance also has vision coverage so we should be just fine. NOT! She had to have specialty lens to accommodate her prescription AND then could only choose from about 3 frames due to the thickness of those lenses. And then, there was the bill. Like I said, we have double coverage but, obviously, we needed more than that. I stood there speechless. It's not like we'd picked Coach frames and expensive lenses. I chose the cheapest lens there was and out of the frames she had to pick from, they were all covered at a $20 copay. It was the blasted lenses that blew the budget, though. What do you do? I don't have a credit card so it had to come out of the budget. She had to have them. Ouch. These are the things that I haven't figured out how to plan for yet.

So, I maintained control until we got to the van. I had a real storm drift over me. I didn't want Dasha to know that I was upset about the prices of the glasses or that I'd need to make another specialist appointment but man! I had a real "it's not fair" temper tantrum.

It passed, though, and we moved on with the day. We decided to head to the park to get some energy out. Considering that on the third time Annie got up last night, I just stashed her in my bed and she only had about a 30 minute nap, I was hoping to run her into oblivion! Nope!

She's like the freaking Energizer Bunny! She just doesn't slow down! So, everyone played and we walked around and petted the dogs at the dog park and just enjoyed the beautiful weather. The big kids even ran around and played. Grant and Dasha nearly killed each other multiple times, though, on this big swirly thing! I lost count of how many times Dasha went sailing through the air and landed with a thud in the wood chips. I told them to stop playing so rough but Dasha just yelled back that she was ok and just having fun!

Ride a horsey, ride a horsey, down to town...

Watch out horsey, don't fall DOWN! THUD!

Any guesses as to how many shots it took me to get this?

It didn't look fun to me! I think other parents were beginning to worry, though. However, when they saw Annie jumping off the top of the tallest towers, they diverted their worries to her and stopped judging my crappy parenting skills of the big kids!

When we got home, Grant brought the mail in as he usually does. He's gotten good at identifying bills and just puts those on my desk and hands me anything that's left. Today, he handed me an envelope with a familiar name and address. The card inside simply said that the included money was to cover counseling costs. Seriously? There was absolutely NO way that this person knew that I was going to get smacked with a major medical charge this morning and consider discontinuing counseling due to the cost factor. Wow. I haven't talked with this person in... months! When Grant saw me start crying again, he kept asking if he'd missed a bill. Poor kid! It's things like this that remind me that I have not been forgotten or forsaken and that God's hand is still there to guide me.

After a rousing dinner that no one cared for, we needed to escape the house again! The longer summer draws on, the less time we can all be confined with each other. By next Friday, we'll probably have to spend less than an hour a day in the house together! We'd seen a carnival on our first outing and decided to go and check it out. I didn't have a clue what the ticket prices were so I tried to prep the kids that this might simply be a drive-by! Of course, carnival workers are smarter than I am. There's no big sign out front listing prices and the ticket booth is right smack dab in the middle of everything. I thought about sending Grant into the crowd to check the prices but after seeing some of the very interesting people walking around, I started to second guess even getting out of the car at all! However, by this time, Annie had seen the lights and glitter and was coming unglued to get out! We piled out and headed toward the ticket booth. The tickets were $1 EACH and there wasn't a single ride that only took one ticket! Most rides took 3 or 4 tickets! Are you kidding me? If these characters are bank rolling this kind of money, why in the world don't they... get a haircut, get their teeth fixed, buy some clean clothes? OK. That was mean and didn't have an ounce of grace in it but I was a little alarmed at some of the carnival employees. I kid you not, one guy started trying to entice the kids to come play a game with rubber ducks in a pool. Of course, Annie saw the set up and went charging ahead. When the guy looked up, he had one eye pointing in one direction and the other pointing in the other. I had flashbacks of Sloth from The Goonies and that crazy guy from Happy Gilmore! I'm seriously not trying to be mean but this was a rough looking crowd. Poor Annie came running straight back for me when she saw the situation. (In retrospect, that bothers me. She really hasn't been conditioned to what "normal" looks like so what scared her)? Anyway, the kids decided to give up their eating out money for the weekend in exchange for tickets. I tried to reason with them and help them do the math but it was impossible. They were overtaken with the flashing lights and thoughts of puking happily after being spun into oblivion! So, $20 bought 20 tickets for 4 of us. It was impossible to find something that we could all do together and the things that Grant wanted to do, I couldn't very well leave Annie and Dasha unattended to do with him so he kind of got the shaft.

When the tickets were gone, we were too! It was beginning to get more crowded and I was seriously beginning to get leery of the patrons. What was it that gave me the "uh-oh feeling?" I'm not sure. I just didn't feel safe. Strangers were talking to us and asking us for extra tickets and then asking us for money and it just made me feel uneasy. So, we left.

I still wasn't ready to go home and face the thought of being locked up with these animals for the remainder of the night. I remembered that the local church was having a family fun night with a movie so we headed that way. (And, this one was free)! It was quite a different crowd, too. The kids enjoyed bounce houses and balloon creations. However, when I told Annie it was time to get out of the bounce house, she threw the worst fit that she's ever thrown! She went limp at first as she was screaming like a caged wild animal. Then, she started doing that crazy crocodile roll like she'd chomped down on her prey and was trying to drown it. Except, I was the prey and I was about to drop her. I left Dasha and Grant in the balloon creature line and took her to the van. Grant NEVER threw a fit like this!!! I didn't know what to do! I couldn't reason with her or even get her to calm down! I put her into her car seat and buckled her in. In my mind, it was like a legal straight jacket and it was keeping me from squeezing the life out of her!

The big kids eventually showed up with their balloon outfits (OK, Grant didn't partake and was mortified that Dasha had). However, Annie hit the replay button on her tantrum skills when she saw what Dasha had. That was another melt down!

Here's what Dasha did to make her stop crying. Believe me, I didn't authorize this take over. I was trying to get my purse and camera off of the pavement where I'd left them when I nearly dropped Annie while getting her in her seat. Whew! We laugh about Annie getting whatever she wants but it's becoming a big problem. The big kids want to help out and keep her happy so they simply give her anything she screams for. Argh! She's a monster! After meltdown two, we (I) decided not to stay for the movie. The big kids were disappointed but there's no way Annie would have survived another two hours! Next week, they're doing the same sort of thing so we can go again with a better plan.

Now, Annie is in bed asleep. I was so worried that after I put her in my bed at 3:00 this morning that she'd demand repeat sleeping accommodations. Hopefully, she'll sleep through the night, though! At one point last night, she woke up crying and wasn't really even completely awake. She kept saying something about Swiper taking her toys. Great. No more Dora!

Today brought unexpected trials but also unexpected blessings. I'm still sifting through the damage that this morning's storm left in my soul. More realizations and the seeming dead end of acceptance are what cloud the skies tonight. No one ever promised me that life was going to be easy but this is getting almost comic! It's moments like this morning when well meaning folks say stupid things like, "God never gives you more than you can handle." My reply to that would have been, "Hey, didn't you see the white flag flying? I already admitted that I can't handle it anymore and I'm crumbling!" Geez! And while I can't even begin to express all of my gratitude for the financial help and other gifts of service, there's nothing that can replace having a help-mate to walk life's journey with - especially when dealing with a special needs child. It was a hard walk for two of us. It's nearly crushing on my own. However, it's a responsibility that we accepted so...

On a brighter note, the kids did enjoy their carnival experience and had quite a funny conversation about what would possess anyone to want to live that kind of life. We're all heading to bed with some fun memories from the day. Grant detailing hawk spiders and then swinging Dasha off of the monkey bars. Dasha realizing that she had boobs and couldn't get the balloon outfit off by sliding it over her head without popping the balloons on her, um, balloons. Annie learning to walk across the suspension bridge instead of scooting on her butt. These are all little things that I'm thankful for being part of today. Tomorrow, Grant and I will head to his camp out while my mom takes warden duty over the girls. I'm not sure who is getting the better deal! I'm hoping that this gorgeous weather will stick around for tomorrow so I won't roast on the lake! Pooh!

Good night.