OK, it's been more than two years since I've made a post public. I can't stand it any more. I need to vent (and not go to jail). Please stop reading if you only have warm fuzzy feelings in your body and can't get righteously passionate about injustice.
Here goes... Dasha. Dasha, Dasha, Dasha. She graduated in May. Here's how the story unfolded.
Dasha has always been the sugary sweet kid that no one wants to upset. Teachers wanted to have nothing but grace for her. Again, and again, and again. Due dates? No problem. Too much work? No problem. Retaking assignments to get her dream grade. Permissible. She was always excused by teachers. Back at the ranch, Ray and I fought a downhill battle. At IEP meetings, we asked, no, we begged, teachers to hold her accountable. Treat her like everyone else. In high school, Dasha was in small group classes, but they weren't considered special education classes. Year after year, she was passed on with a happy smile and song... tra la la... because she was D-A-S-H-A.
Fast forward through four years of worthless instruction to today. Now that Dasha has a general education diploma, she's not eligible for the county's extra services for folks with disabilities. Teachers continued to encourage Dasha to seek higher learning opportunities at colleges and technical schools. But, wait! Did anyone notice that Dasha still can't do multiplication, tell time, or even navigate a store unassisted? Nope. That didn't seem to matter. The glass was always half-full for those IEP folks. Now, we have a 20 year old child at home without too many opportunities. She can't get the HOPE scholarship to help pay for college because she didn't have the "right" high school courses. But, she can't participate in most of the county's special education services because she has a general education diploma. Hmmm.... Let's also throw in the tidbit that we've been turned down multiple times for disability which would help off-set the cost of getting her into something during the day to help build independence.
So, we have resorted to having Dasha complete an online home school curriculum. It's for 5th graders. She's failing almost all of the subjects - but she graduated from 12th grade WITH HONORS!!!!!
Y'all. We are worn out. The education system is so stinking broken. Throughout Dasha's educational career, everyone cheered her on to do great things! They leveled the playing field so she never knew that she had any mental issues. At first thought, that might sound wonderful. But, it created a monster. Dasha doesn't see her limitations and this is astoundingly frustrating at this point. She sees Ray and I as the "bad guys" for not letting her go to college or drive a car and do all sorts of other things that would put her in harm's way beyond a small flesh wound.
I don't want to give up my job so I can chauffeur her back and forth during the week to her current job (40 minutes away) which employs special needs kids. So, she can only work on Saturday. That would also mean that Annie's school situation would have to change. We can't turn the entire family upside down.
But, what do we do? If you have a baby with an IEP, you must be a warrior. Fight like your life depends on it. We did fight, but we didn't fight hard enough. Now, we're left with a handful of stupid choices.
So, my rant is over. This is what is seeping into the fabric of our family right now. I'm hopeful that I'll look back in a year and laugh at this. But, please learn from our mistakes. Fight. Be ugly. Table discussions. Get lawyers. Be proactive. Look at the big picture and know what your intentions are for your special needs babies NOW so you can get a clear road map.
Yes, Dasha is still the sweet kid she's always been. But, she's growing up and needs to learn some independence and participate in life beyond these walls. She has her gym friends (which have been my saving grace), but she needs to learn coping skills to live a REAL life in a REAL world.
That is all. Carry on.
Susan
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