Teflon Brains, Dasha vs. the Granny, and Ninja Mom

Do you know how sometimes something you read or hear just sticks in your brain and keeps revisiting you like a bad dream? That's what I've dealt with today. Lately, not much sticks to my brain. It's like my brain received a permanent coating of Teflon. I find myself having to write this down or risk irretrievable information. Maybe this is age, maybe it's not. Who knows. But, today, for some reason, I keep hearing one piece of information ringing in my ears. (And it must be pretty loud to be audible over the roar of children around here). Anyway, the point that people will remember you by how you handle your challenges and not how you handle your blessings has repeated in my mind today. This has bothered me for a bazillion reasons. So, you're telling me that folks aren't going to remember anything about me other than how I've walked my journey through burying my daughter and waving good-bye to my husband while in the arms of his mistress and trying to explain it to our children? Hmmm... I don't think I like that because I'm human! All of this pondering has to do directly with this blog. This stupid blog started out as a way for me to spew my guts and emotions and hopefully leave evidence of a path toward healing. I didn't know and still am clueless as to what "healing" looks like but that was my goal. Yeah, I linked it with my FB account but I only did that after scraping the sludge off of the bottom of my "friend list" on FB so the folks that were actually viewing this were supposedly a very few selected chosen ones. Then, I had my anonymous friend show up and and spill the juicy sprinkles about all of the details of this journey that I hadn't really intended for public knowledge. After that happened, I figured that just about anything was fair game. However, what I didn't know was how many crazy people would start following my insane journey down this road that I absolutely never dreamed I'd be wandering. At this point, for all I know, parents of my students might even be following this and that's where it gets really sticky. I'm finding myself candy-coating some of my emotions just to schmooze things over in case someone is reading this that might find me "unfit" to teach their child because I'm emotionally tied up right now. So, back to this point that's been rattling in my head all day about remembering me for how I handle adversity. I think I do believe that statement even though I don't really like it because I feel like my life just might be in the spotlight for the next twenty years as I walk through trials and adversity. I'm human. I have moments where I scream and yell and even hurl things across the room. (Ask the kids. They've seen the absolute worst of what I harbor on the inside and the distance which I can sling things. Maybe I should look into a shot-put team). But, that's what people are going to remember about me? Egads. I'm just kind of sitting on the fence about this whole blog deal right now. I can either make the whole thing private and by invitation only or I can just go for broke and put the truth out there and let others like it, lump it, or leave it. Oh well.

In other news tonight...

Today was actually a pretty productive day. Annie and I got up early this morning and actually got quite a bit of cleaning done before the big kids started rattling around. Grant had to be up and out the door by 9:45 for a scout event but he still got a couple of extra hours of beauty sleep.

While he was out haggling Kroger customers for money for candy, the girls and I went to JoAnn Fabric Store. Grant has to "help" make a flag for his patrol. It's the last thing that's holding him up on his next rank. So, I decided to go ahead and get all of the supplies so he can just take them to his next meeting and get the job done. I realized today that somehow, the doors on the JoAnn stores are kind of like a time warp for me. I could spend hours in there just looking at the fabric. I'm content to not even buy anything. I just like to wander around and dream about what I could make with this or that fabric if I had the time and energy. For some reason, though, the time warp doesn't work when children are in tow. Believe me, I had a very detailed plan of how I was going to approach this trip in order to curtail Annie's impact on my blood pressure. She nearly refuses to sit in a buggy any more and can unbuckle herself from the stroller and escape like a mini Houdini so that's pointless. That leaves me with two options. The first option is to buy one of those baby leashes. I've always been so judgmental of folks who walk their kids like dogs on those things but I'm beginning to think I might need to look into them and see if they have any that come equipped with Lo-Jack or some sort of shock device. My second option is to let her walk. Crap. Crap. Crap. I was forced to go with option two. JoAnn's was crowded this morning so this made things even more difficult. My plan was to grab "fat quarters" which are little squares of fabric that are pre-cut and you just grab what you want and pay for it. You don't have to stand in line waiting for someone to cut it for you. (And, they were 50% off)! The fabrics are arranged by color and I have the layout memorized. The red fabrics are right at the front door so that's where I started. I needed two pieces of red. Ok. Check. Got those without drama. Then, I needed a piece of green. Ok. Check. Then, I needed some brown. About this time, I look down at Annie to see that she's also holding about ten pieces of fabric in her own little hands saying that she's going to "make a project." I let her keep holding the pieces figuring that if her hands were already full, she wouldn't be able to grab anything else. Wrong. She started stuffing the pieces into her pants and shirt and grabbing more. It was like watching the security video from some amateur thieves knocking over a 7-11! Ok. Regroup. I took the fabric from under her shirt and pants and told her that I'd "help" her hold them. Then, I went back to get a buggy. I stowed Annie in the cart and headed back to the brown area to find something appropriate to make a rock. I felt like I was back on track and semi in charge. About that time, Dasha staggered backwards to regain her balance. (She's not walking very smoothly this week. I think it's due to sheer exhaustion). Anyway, as she stutter stepped, she fell over and landed on a lady driving one of the motorized carts. As I tried to get her up and off of the poor old grandma that had just been the victim of a surprise landing attempt, Annie started learning out of the cart and picking quilting accessories off of the shelf and tossing them into the buggy. The whole trip was supposed to take less than 15 minutes. We were in one of my favorite places to just get lost in time. However, I could definitely see that I did not want to be LOST with the passengers I was responsible for. I put all of the little grandma's things back into her basket and made sure she was ok. I stationed Dasha at the front of the buggy so she could hang on and use it like a walker. (Later on, I wondered if I should have ask the little grandma to let Dasha sit in the basket of her cart and they could be little riding buddies). I finally managed to get all of the fabric pieces I needed. The last thing on my list was the stuff you can use to stick pieces of fabric together with an iron. I don't have a clue what the technical name is. I just know it works. They'd rearranged lots of the shelves so it took me one loop around the store to figure out where it was. However, things were moving more smoothly now and I guess I got a bit too cocky. As I was comparing the prices of the sticky stuff, I didn't realize that just a few feet down (at the front of the buggy where Annie and Dasha were) there was a display of different sorts of pads that could be used for bathing suits or, I guess, a host of other different things. Of course, Annie and Dasha started having a conversation about them. Dasha noted that they looked soft. Annie poked at the package. The girls continued their innocent conversation so I semi-diverted my attention to my price comparisons. When I turned back around (I'm talking less than 10 seconds), both girls were holding packages up to their chests. Come on now! We were SO close to getting out of here without me uttering something I'd regret or meeting the security guard personally. I tried to give them "the look" but it was pointless. I burst out laughing until Dasha handed me a package and told me that it looked "my size." Ugh. Game over. Somehow, I managed to get everyone out of the store in one piece and willingly (and without a security guard ushering us out). I hope Grant relishes that next rank badge. Not only did I basically buy it for him, I also endured emotional damage to make it happen! :)

When we got home, everyone had a quick lunch. It was actually pretty easy to serve lunch today. The Little Ceasars' Pizza from last night was still sitting on the kitchen table. We just opened the box and ate what was left. Yeah, maybe I should be worried that we might get sick but when Annie is hungry, you don't really have time to think. You just react. I figure if she can eat cereal from under couch cushions that several years old, a pizza less than 24 hours old won't hurt her! (And, if Dasha can eat deodorant and not get sick, pizza sure won't hurt her)!

Why must she sleep like this? It freaks me out!

When the pizza was gone, I sent everyone to bed. Annie put up quite a fuss and laid in her bed for quite some time reading to herself. I changed out her selection of books next to her bed so I also got to enjoy the entertainment of hearing her "read" some new stories over the monitor. With Annie reading in the background, I was determined to get a few things done around the house. I found myself tippy toeing up and down the stairs and hallway outside the girls' rooms. After about the fourth trip up and down the stairs, I realized that I'd become something like a ninja mom. I was moving with stealth silence. I only walked on the outside of the steps where they're nailed down to avoid squeaks. I waited until the washing machine was on the roaring airplane / cyclone cycle before opening my closet door to put clothes away. (My closet door has become something like a sealed crypt due to the humidity in the house. There was one night last week that I seriously couldn't get the door open and just resorted to wearing something that I'd thrown in the "to be ironed - or just thrown in the dryer again" pile). Anyway, I did get quite a chuckle when I thought of my new title as a ninja. For anyone who has ever had a child that's a light sleeper, you know what I mean. You'll do anything to muffle sounds!

The girls slept for almost three hours. I finally woke them up because I knew I'd never get them back down tonight. However, I did. Last week just exhausted everyone. Part of me wishes that I'd napped too but I sure am glad to have the house in a semi-presentable condition again. I'm sure Martha Stewart wouldn't call it that but to someone that left the house at 6:15ish every morning last week dragging three kids behind and didn't cross the threshold again until at least 5:30 each evening, I think the house looks pretty darn good compared to the mess that had evolved.

As for a recap from yesterday...

• No, the money has not be re-credited to my bank account yet. I'm not surprised.
• No, Grant is not faring any better today. (Today, his dramatic soliloquy was about Eric getting to go out to eat all of the time when he hasn't been out to eat in over a month. I did remind him that he'd at least had plenty of food even if it had been served by the meanest waitress in Woodstock and told him that if he felt such a strong desire to eat "out" that I could have his meal delivered outside tomorrow night. Sometimes, I think he's trying more to push my buttons than actually mourning his losses).
• Yes, I discussed the whole evolution thing with Dasha again and looked through some books with her. She still doesn't understand how two adults could have different information. I finally framed it by saying that even adults lie and don't tell the truth. I think I made the whole darn thing a bigger mess. I've taken her from just being confused about the origin of Earth to doubting adults. Perfect. Add another star to the Mom of the Year chart for me, please. Just as a side note, the teacher that dumped all of this information into her lap via video is also the one that she's been hanging on. My mom took a stab at trying to address that tonight, as well, but how can you explain to Dasha that some adults are liars and some can't be trusted to simply give you a hug? Bye bye innocence. 

Tonight, I'm headed to bed to snuggle into my nice clean sheets free from crayon marks, spilled milk, and half a tube of Butt Paste. Ahhh.... It takes so little to make me happy these days! Tomorrow, we'll head for church and then get ready for next week. I'm determined to have everyone's clothes laid out for the WEEK, dinners planned (realistically), and everything clean enough so a quick fifteen minute marathon can put everything back into order. It sounded so much more realistic before I actually typed it out. Oh well. I can dream.

Good night, all.